


as you are mine, i am yours

by popper



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha!Lexa, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom!Clarke, Breeding Kink, Dirty Talk, Doggy Style, Dubious Consent, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Futanari, Girl Penis, Girl Penis Lexa, Knotting, Omega!Clarke, Romance, Size Kink, intended to be PWP now it's Porn With A Million Feelings, top!Lexa, trigger warning: gunshot violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-05-19 05:13:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 57,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5954881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popper/pseuds/popper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You can’t run away from who you are Clarke!” Lexa says.</p><p>Clarke doesn’t know if she means a leader, an Omega or a murderer. </p><p>Lexa pauses. “Join me, submit to me and become my mate, and your people will be safe.” </p><p>Clarke sees red. </p><p>or: the a/b/o spin on S3 that nobody asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is porn, dirty nasty porn without plot. I mean, _ostensibly_ , there’s some plot in this, but it’s just the episode reworked in order to get to the porn and a healthy dose of angst, because why not? Also, the part with Bell and Echo got in the way of my nasty g!p porn, so I just erased it. I hope you can forgive that.
> 
> Please read the tags, but just in case: this contains a/b/o dynamics and all the consent issues therein. This arguably leans towards dub/con because of that so please, don’t read it if that makes you uncomfortable. 
> 
> The rest of you perverts - I don’t even know. This is very dirty, so beware.
> 
> Sorry?
> 
> ps: this is also un-betaed, because it’s my first work and I don’t have any pervert friends to send over to. So, forgive my mistakes if you can, but feel free to point them out.

When Lexa comes looking for her, Clarke’s been in her room for a week. She doesn’t want to see Lexa, she doesn’t want to see anyone. She just wants to be left alone, to just disappear.

Still, when she hears the door open and smells Lexa’s strong scent, she feels something akin to relief wash over her. She squashes the feeling down, hating herself for it.

So when Lexa stops a few meters from her, her stance tense and her back straight, Clarke scowls.

“What part of I won’t see you was unclear?”

Lexa’s face betrays nothing, as usual. Clarke  _ hates _ her.

“I respected your wishes for a week, Clarke,” she says, as if Clarke was some petulant child intent on getting her way. “We’ve got bigger concerns.”

“We,” Clarke interrupts, spitting out the words, “don’t have any concerns at all.”

Lexa takes a step towards Clarke’s direction. “Yes, we do,” she continues, “I’m posting a summit with Skaikru at sundown. You will be returned to your people.”

Clarke doesn’t believe her for a second. “You went to all that trouble to capture me, just to let me go?”

But when Lexa opens her mouth to answer, Clarke cuts her off. “You know what? I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it,” she says, “ tell me why you’re  _ actually _ here.”

Lexa clenches her jaw at being defied, but doesn’t say anything. “You’re right,” she concedes, “I’m not just letting you go. I want something more.”

“I want your people,” Lexa continues, pausing for effect, “to become my people.”

Clarke resists the urge to roll her eyes as Lexa continues speaking.

“I’m offering Skaikru the chance to join the Coalition. Become the thirteenth clan.”

Clarke’s heard enough. “Just,” she says, feeling as if she could cry in frustration, “leave me alone. I’m  _ done _ . You understand that? I  _ left. _ ”

“You can’t run away from who you are Clarke.” Lexa says.

Clarke doesn’t know if she means a leader, an Omega or a murderer.

Lexa pauses. “Join me, submit to me and become my mate, and your people will be safe.”

Clarke sees red.

“ _ Submit _ to you?” Clarke repeats, everything becoming clear.

So that’s what this is about.

She, an  _ Omega, _ took down the mountain. She made the Commander, the big bad Alpha, look weak in comparison.

“You don’t give a damn about my people,” Clarke takes a step towards Lexa, and continues scowling even when Lexa’s pheromones threaten to overpower her in such close proximity.

“I made you look  _ weak _ at Mount Weather.”

Lexa looks at her blankly but this close Clarke can smell her anger, so she continues, basking in the rush of feeling  _ something _ . Even if it’s just anger and perverse satisfaction at the thought of hurting Lexa as much as Lexa hurt her.

“Well, if you want the power of Wanheda,” she’s inside Lexa’s personal space now, and sees the Commander clench her fists tightly as her nostrils flare, “Kill me. Take it,” she says against Lexa’s lips.

She takes one step back. “Otherwise go float yourself, because I will  _ never _ submit to you.”

*****

She’s still reeling from the meeting with Lexa when Prince Roan approaches her.

She tightens her jaw when the rush of Alpha’s pheromones invade her nose but stays perfectly still, willing herself to remain unaffected. It’s easier, after Lexa, his effect on her is nowhere near as strong.

Why won’t they just leave her the fuck  _ alone _ ?

“I am a prisoner here, as much as you,” he says.

And then he asks her to kill Lexa.

And Clarke hates her and feels trapped and just wants to be left alone.

She says yes.

*****

He gives her a knife: sharp, light and deadly. It reminds her of the one Lexa had on her hands the first time they met.

While she waits, she plays with it, wondering how deep it’ll have to go, how fast can she be, and what will happen afterwards. She can do this. She’s already a murderer, what difference does one more death make?

And what if it’s Lexa? What if it’s the girl that she thought she might - the Commander that betrayed her? The Commander that left her alone when she needed her the most, and now wants her to  _ submit _ to her, to bow before her and present her neck to her and let her mark her, let her mate her.

She shuts her eyes when that last thought tightens her belly in warmth desire.

Godammit.

It doesn’t matter what her hormones tell her. She can’t let herself be controlled by her nature - she can’t let herself be controlled by Lexa.

She hears the door creak and shakes her head in a futile attempt to clear her thoughts, hiding the knife in her sleeve.

“You wanted to see me?”

As soon as she’s engulfed by Lexa’s scent, as soon as she hears her voice, Clarke knows she won’t do it. She knows she can’t do it.

She tries all the same. She takes two long strides, gets into Lexa’s personal space and pushes the knife against the Alpha’s throat in one swift movement.

Lexa looks surprised for half a second, and then sad. Not even afraid, just sad.

Clarke hates her with all her heart.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa says, with a slight tremble in her voice.

Clarke feels her eyes fill up with tears, blurring her vision and hates herself as much as she hates Lexa.  She drops the knife to the ground and turns around. She feels so fucking stupid she can hardly breathe.

She can’t even do this - all those deaths, everything she’s done and she can’t do this.

“I never meant to turn you into this,” Lexa whispers behind her.

Clarke almost laughs, even as she’s choking back tears. Maybe it’s not even Lexa’s fault, maybe she was always this, and was just fooling herself into thinking she could be a leader.

“You’re free to go,” Lexa says, “your mother is here, I’ll have you escorted.”

Clarke shuts her eyes tightly, takes a shaky breath and turns around.

Whatever else she’s done, whatever else she’ll have to do, maybe she can do this right, for her people. Maybe she’ll be good for this even if not she’s good enough for anything else anymore.

“Wait,” she says, “I have a better idea.”

*****

She gets to see her mother before the summit. She feels tired, bone weary and empty and the look on her mother’s face as she explains what’s going to happen doesn’t help.

But as much as Abby protests, as much as she rages against Lexa, she agrees. Kane does to. It’s the only way - they can’t fight the Ice Nation on their own, they need Lexa, and Lexa needs Wanheda kneeling at her feet, wearing her mark at her neck and taking her knot.

Clarke feels herself getting wet at the thought and wants to punch Lexa’s face in.

*****

Three maidens come for her, two Betas and one Omega, and take her to a bath. The lingering smell around the room, that sets her on edge and calms her down, all at once, tells her it’s Lexa’s. Her stomach tightens at the thought.

She tries her best to ignore it.

The maidens bathe her and laboriously comb her hair until it’s not a tangled mess. Then they braid it, carefully, as if she’s made of porcelain and one hard tug might break her.

Or maybe, she realizes as she looks up and one maiden averts her eyes in fear, as if she’s made of poison.

They don’t say a world as they work and she certainly doesn’t try to strike up a conversation. So she lets them braid her and paint her face, and sees her it become in the mirror the face of someone fierce: the face of Wanheda.

She feels anything but fierce. She just wanted to be left alone.

Well, she thinks as they make the final adjustments to her braids,  she might get her wish yet. Once she becomes Lexa’s mate and surrenders the power of Wanheda to be Lexa’s property, she might just get left alone.

She won’t be Wanheda, she won’t be a leader, she won’t be anything anymore.

She clenches her fists so tightly that she almost draws blood.

*****

Clarke feels all the eyes on her as she crosses the door, making her skin crawl. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees her mother avert her eyes, looking at the floor.

She wills herself to hold her head up high and takes the first step, then the second.

One by one she looks at them, Titus, Indra, Prince Roan, the ambassadors, Lexa. She commits their faces to memory.  

_ You wanted Wanheda? _ , she thinks,  _ Here you have her. _

She stops before Lexa, looking stunning in her usual commander attire, and lets her Alpha pheromones wash over her.

She’s so tired of fighting.

She doesn’t this time. She lets Lexa’s power and authority, her scent, engulf her, overpower her, and cloud her brain. She lets her inner Omega take over.

It feels so good to stop struggling against it.

She drops to her knees. Behind her she hears everyone, one by one, doing the same.

“We welcome Skaikru to our house, in the spirit of friendship and harmony,” Lexa starts, voice loud and clear, “and we welcome Clarke kom Skaikru, legendary Wanheda, mountain slayer,”

She makes a pause, but Clarke doesn’t see her expression, her eyes fixed on the floor.

“The reason for this summit has changed,” Lexa continues, “we are not here to negotiate a treaty with the Skaikru, but rather to initiate them into the coalition.”

A loud murmur breaks out immediately but Lexa ignores it as she continues, “To symbolize this union, I will take Wanheda as my mate.”

The murmuring gets worse, threatening to swallow Lexa’s words.  Clarke doesn’t look up.

“Silence!” Lexa shouts, “I won’t stand to have my decisions questioned.”

The rooms falls dead silent.

Lexa steps down from her throne and walks towards Clarke, close enough that Clarke sees her boots on the floor.

“Stand,” she commands.

Clarke obeys without question, letting her instincts take over completely.

Lexa looks into her eyes and she doesn’t even have to do anything for Clarke to tilt her head and present her neck to her in submission.

God, she actually  _ wants _ Lexa to do it, she realizes. She’s desperate for it, for Lexa to mark her, to make her hers, to claim her. She feels herself getting wet and doesn’t fight it, not even if hot shame creeps up her neck, the same neck she’s desperate for Lexa to bite.

Lexa doesn’t waste any time, she grabs Clarke by the waist, pulling her flush against herself - Christ, she’s practically dripping now - and bites down, hard, breaking Clarke’s skin and drawing blood.

Clarke hisses in pain and then whimpers in need when Lexa trails her tongue against the broken skin, soothing the pain.

Thankfully, that’s the end of it. Lexa gives one last lick and pushes Clarke away, the blonde whimpering and groaning in response.

Clarke can’t think. She wants Lexa to mate her, she  _ needs _ it. She doesn’t even care if she does it in front of the whole summit, she doesn’t care if her mother and Kane and the Prince and everyone else sees Lexa stretching her open with her knot.

Clarke takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself.

The bite, she thinks suddenly, everything making sense. She was close to her heat before. That, combined with the Alpha’s bite and her pheromones, and Clarke giving into it, they must’ve triggered it.

Clarke breathes in and out intently, but she can’t seem to fill her lungs no matter how deep she does it.  

She looks at Lexa.

Apparently the Alpha wasn’t ready for her own reaction either. She looks about as good as Clarke feels. Her face is flushed, her pupils dilated, and she’s panting in the effort of staying still.

Clarke sees the sweat dripping in Lexa’s neck as she struggles to calm herself.

“The summit is over,” she finally barks, “we will continue at sunrise.”

Clarke doesn’t look at her mother and Kane as they leave,  she doesn’t even think. She keeps her eyes trained in Lexa’s face.

As soon as they’re alone, Lexa grabs her by the waist and crushes her lips together, kissing her fiercely.

By the time they reach Lexa’s bedroom, Clarke is aching for it. She feels hot and flushed and empty and the only thing she wants is Lexa, her Alpha, to take her and claim her and fill her up with her cock.

Lexa is not much better. She’s frenzied, unable to focus her eyes, all growls and teeth, clawing at Clarke’s clothes.

Clarke loves it.

And if there’s still a little voice in her head that reminds her what this really means, what she’s giving up to be Lexa’s bitch to mate and breed. Well, she’ll get through that too.

She tried to be a leader and became a murderer. She tried to disappear and became a prisoner. She tried. She tried so hard and still became Wanheda, something for maidens to fear and for Lexa to subdue.

She might as well let her.

She tilts her head, presenting her wounded neck back to Lexa and her inner Omega relishes in the predatory look that crosses the Alpha’s face.

Lexa bites down again onto the abused skin, and pushes Clarke onto the bed harshly. Clarke tries to pull Lexa to her by her clothes, thrusting her hips forward to get some friction going.

Lexa growls against her neck and Clarke gets the message, loud and clear.

_ You’re not in charge here. _

She’s soaked.

Lexa pins her to the bed, moving from Clarke’s neck to her mouth, giving her a rough kiss. Clarke tastes her own blood in Lexa’s tongue and her stomach clenches painfully in desire.

“Please,” she says, not even sure what's she’s asking for. “Please.”

Lexa lets go of Clarke’s mouth and raises so that she’s looming over Clarke, straddling her. 

She struggles with the Omega's dress for about two seconds before growling in impatience and just tearing it enough for Clarke’s breasts to pop out.

Clarke moans at the action, arching her back in pleasure.

God fucking Christ. She’s so ready right now.

Lexa bends over, taking one of the Clarke's nipples in her mouth and sucking on it. One of her hands palms the other roughly and the other is lowering her zipper and freeing her dick.

After a few moments, Lexa stops her ministrations on Clarke’s breasts. Clarke doesn’t even try to suppress the needy whine that comes out of her mouth.

She opens her eyes and looks up, barely coherent, and sees Lexa.

The Alpha is still straddling her. She’s still in her Commander attire with her pants barely down enough for her dick to be out, pumping it up and down.

Clarke’s eyes widen involuntary. It’s big. Big enough that even through her heat addled brain she worries how is she going to take that inside her, especially once the knot appears. She’s only ever had sex with Finn and Niylah and both were Betas.

But even as she wonders, she feels herself getting desperate for it. Even if it splits her apart, she wants it. She wants it inside her, filling her up, stretching her open, pumping Lexa’s seed in her womb and breeding her.

She groans, closing her eyes again.

“Clarke,” Lexa says, and Clarke realizes she’s also thrusting her hips greedily upwards.

She doesn't even feel shame.

“Please, Lexa,” she begs, “please take me. Claim me.  _ Please. _ ”

Lexa’s eyes flash, she’s panting.

In one swift motion, she rips what’s left of Clarke’s dress apart. She gets on top of her, kissing her again, slipping her tongue inside her mouth and rubbing her hardened member against Clarke’s drenched and ruined panties. She’s still fully clothed and the rough material of her clothing rubs painfully against Clarke’s naked skin.

“Please,” Clarke repeats, in between bruising kisses, almost whining now, thrusting her hips against Lexa’s.

Lexa stops kissing her and starts tugging at the waistband of her panties. Clarke lifts her hips obediently, letting Lexa take remove them in one swift motion.

Instead of giving her what she so desperately, desperately wants, Lexa stays above her, her hand moving up and down her dick. Her unfocused gaze flickers from Clarke’s face to her breasts to her own hardened member, as if deciding what to do.

She pulls Clarke up by the back of her head to kiss her and Clarke lets herself be lifted until both of them are on their knees on the bed.

Suddenly, Lexa stops the kiss, grabs Clarke’s hand and guides her off the bed. She takes a seat on the edge, opening her legs, still pumping her cock.

Clarke is on her knees before Lexa has time to command anything.

“Suck me,” Lexa says, but Clarke’s mouth is already around the head of the cock.

There’s a bit of precum already at the tip and Clarke’s flickers her tongue over it. She starts slowly, wrapping the base of Lexa’s cock with one hand as she gently sucks on its head, trying to slowly take more and more of it inside her mouth.

It’ll probably go all the way down her throat.

The thought sends another bout of wetness dribbling down her tights.

Lexa groans above her and grabs the back of Clarke’s head, pushing her forward, forcing her to take more of her cock inside her mouth.

The Alpha pushes until Clarke can feel the tip of the cock against her throat. She tries not to gag, breathing sharply through her nose but can’t help but choke around Lexa’s girth, her eyes filling with tears.

Lexa stops pushing Clarke’s head forward, letting the Omega breathe but doesn’t make a move to take her dick out of Clarke’s mouth.

Clarke is so wet at the rough treatment, she feels she might just come from sucking Lexa’s dick.

The respite lasts only a few seconds and then Lexa growls, pushing her dick forward again until it’s back against Clarke’s throat. Clarke gags anew  but manages to resist choking as Lexa’s dick is forced against her windpipe. She tries to swallow around it, her eyes watering.

Lexa gives her another second to adjust, making sure she won’t retch, and then grabs a fistful of Clarke’s hair and starts thrusting her hips forward, fucking Clarke’s face.

Clarke slips one hand down to massage her clit as Lexa pumps in and out her mouth, fucking her face roughly, her dick going all the way down the Omega’s throat.

Clarke slips one finger inside herself and comes as Lexa thrusts her hips forward, tenses, and comes with a grunt, filling her throat with thick cum. The Alpha thrusts once, then twice, and then pulls out slightly, letting her release fill Clarke’s mouth.

Clarke swallows and swallows, letting the salty flavor coat her tongue and trying to keep it all inside her but there’s too much of it, and some dribbles out of her mouth.

Lexa grunts, pushing Clarke’s head down again until her nose is against Lexa’s pubic hair and sends the last spurts of her seed down Clarke’s throat.

Lexa sighs, lets up the pressure against the back of Clarke’s head and takes her dick out of Clarke’s mouth.

Clarke takes a deep breath, still tasting Lexa’s release and looks at Lexa’s dick. It still looks painfully hard, throbbing, engorged and covered in her saliva. She can’t believe she fit that inside her throat. She can’t believe she’ll fit that inside her cunt, especially with the visible knot  already forming at the base.

But she wants it, she’s dripping for it. She needs to be filled by it, stretched open by it, split apart.

“Are you ready, Clarke?” Lexa asks.

Clarke is past ready, she’s just pure need. She nods.

Lexa helps her back up, kissing her slowly, deliberately. Clarke wants to scream.

She starts palming at Lexa’s clothes, tugging, tearing, anything to get them  _ off _ .

Weirdly, Lexa doesn’t protest against her taking charge. Instead, she lets herself be undressed by the Omega, all the while kissing her and touching her, sending jolts of arousal up Clarke’s spine every time her fingers graze her clit.

When Lexa is finally, thankfully naked, she’s apparently had enough of letting Clarke be in charge. She deftly turns Clarke over and starts kissing Clarke’s neck, her breasts flush against the Omega’s back, her dick hard in between Clarke’s asschecks.

“I’ve waited so long for this, Clarke,” Lexa whispers against her ear, and pushes Clarke's head down.

Clarke doesn’t fight it, letting Lexa push her head against the bed, lifting her ass up, setting herself in the perfect position to be claimed, to be knotted.

Lexa doesn’t waste anymore time, with one hand still keeping Clarke’s head against the furs, the other one lines her cock against Clarke's dripping entrance.

And she pushes in.

Clarke moans in pain and pleasure against the furs as the fat head of Lexa’s dick stretches her pussy, forcing her open slowly around her girth. It  _ hurts _ , no matter how slow Lexa goes, and still Clarke only wants more, to be spread completely, filled to the brim with Lexa’s dick.

Lexa lets go of her hair. She moves both hands towards Clarke’s hips, and pushes forward, slowly filling Clarke’s cunt, pushing one inch of her dick inside it at a time. 

Clarke doesn’t try to move, bracing her weight on her elbows, keeping her head down in submission.

Even through the haze of her heat and the pleasure of Lexa’s dick slipping further and further inside her, claiming her, she still hears the voice inside her head that reminds her that she  _ better _ get used to it. She better get used to the Commander pushing her down and submitting her, that the power of Wanheda is all but gone now, that this is all she is good for anymore.

“More, Lexa,” Clarke begs, wanting to shut off her thoughts, “Please.”

Lexa obliges, thrusting harshly against Clarke, sheathing the rest of her dick inside her wet, tight heat in one swift motion.

Clarke gasps at the pain and the fullness.

She breathes out, her inner Omega finally on the way to being sated . She's finally full, filled with Lexa’s dick all the way to her cervix. She’s stretched open around her girth, she doesn’t feel the aching emptiness anymore.

Now she needs to be  _ fucked _ .

She grinds her hips and moans as Lexa gets the message, and starts moving slowly, too slowly.

She gets that Lexa might not want to damage her  _ property _ , but she doesn’t care, she just needs Lexa to  _ fuck _ her. To fuck the emptiness out of her in a way that Niylah couldn't.

“Lexa, please, fuck me, claim me,” Clarke moans, “please, I want it. I can’t take it.”

Lexa inhales sharply, as if trying to contain herself and Clarke whines when she feels her grip tighten painfully on her hips.

“Please.” Clarke breathes again, pushing her ass towards Lexa.

And that does it. Lexa pulls out until only the tip of her cock is inside Clarke, and thrusts with all her strength.

Clarke sees stars, gasping in pleasure.

Lexa sets a punishing pace, impaling Clarke on her cock, hitting all the right places again and again and again. Barely letting Clarke breathe before she thrusts back in, stealing the air from her lungs.

When Clarke’s almost delirious from her heat and the feeling of Lexa’s dick pumping in and out her cunt, claiming her, Lexa moves one hard to her cunt, stroking her clit.

It only takes one pinch for Clarke to come undone, moaning and gasping, clamping down on Lexa’s dick as she comes hard. Harder than she’s ever come before.

Lexa keeps pumping slowly, letting Clarke ride down her orgasm, and then, once Clarke’s pussy stops clenching down, she starts pushing forward slowly and deliberately.

Clarke feels Lexa’s knot against her entrance. There’s no way that’s going to fit. She already feels stretched to the limit on Lexa’s cock, the knot will split her apart.

But she wants it, more than she’s wanted anything in her life.

“Clarke,” Lexa pants, and Clarke can feel her hands trembling where they grab her hips, ready to lose control, “I’m going to -- can I?”

Briefly, Clarke wonders why she’s even asking but her inner Omega doesn’t give her time to ponder.

“Do it,” she says, “knot me, come inside me, Lexa.”

Lexa grunts and pushes forward, bracing her hands on either side of Clarke’s head. Slowly, the knot starts pushing in. Clarke shuts her eyes in pain and digs her nails into Lexa’s arms, breaking the skin.

Lexa hisses but doesn’t stop pushing until the widest part of her knot, miraculously,  _ finally _ pops in, Clarke's entrance sealing and tying them together.

Lexa grunts, takes her mouth back to Clarke’s shoulder and bites down as she thrusts forcefully one more time, emptying herself inside Clarke.

Clarke comes again around Lexa’s cock as she feels the hot, thick spurts of Lexa’s semen filling her up, one after another, filling her belly with the Commander seed, thrust after thrust sending more of it inside her womb, until she’s certain she won’t be able to take anymore.

Finally, Lexa sighs and with one last thrust of her hips, collapses against Clarke’s back, sucking on where her teeth, again, broke skin.

Clarke sighs. She truly is Lexa’s now.

*****

When they finally manage to separate, Clarke feels her senses come back to her.

And wishes her heat would come back.

She hates Lexa, she hates the Ice Nation, and she hates herself, most of all, for submitting so thoroughly: for letting her heat take over. She touches her stomach, feeling it full of Lexa’s cum. Lexa has claimed and mated her and probably breed her as well.

She turns around, and finds Lexa’s green eyes staring back at her.

“I’m sorry,” she says,“for being so rough -- this wasn’t my intention, your heat -”

She trails off, averting her eyes.

Clarke doesn’t believe her, but it doesn't matter, what’s done it’s done. She just hopes this means something. She just hopes she can keep her people - Lexa’s people - safe.

“If you betray me again,” she starts to say but Lexa doesn’t let her finish.

“I won’t,” she interrupts.

She takes Clarke’s hand, and guides her to her chest, over her heart. Clarke hates how the steady rhythm of if and the pheromones the Alpha's pumping out calm her.

And then, Lexa tilts her head to the side and Clarke would have to rip her own heart out her chest for it not to flutter at the sight.

There’s no mistaking that gesture and Clarke can’t help but to gasp in surprise.

“As you are mine, I am yours, Clarke kom Skaikru,” Lexa says.

Clarke can’t even stop to think about it. She surges forward, closing her mouth around Lexa’s shoulder. She can’t afford to bite her anywhere that’d be too visible in the Commander’s attire, they can’t afford it, but feels a thrill at the thought that Lexa would  _ let her _ .

“I vow to treat your needs as my own, and your people as my people,” Lexa continues as Clarke gently sucks on her shoulder.

“Let us lead  _ our _ people together, Clarke.”

Clarke bites down and as Lexa hisses, something inside her stills. There’s still a darkness swirling inside her, the guilt, the hurt, the mistrust, Lexa’s seed in her belly and what it might bring, and a war coming they might not survive.

But it’s a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my dirty smut! If y'all have a minute, I'd love to hear what you think. Unless it's that I should take a bath in holy water, I already know that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys. GUYS
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read, comment on and send kudos for my filthy ABO smut! Each and every comment made my day. Thank you!
> 
> Since y’all asked so nicely, and I’m a slut for femslash porn, here’s some more. As with the last chapter, this is basically 3x04 + porn + angst. The only difference is that in addition to that, we’re also boarding the feelings train my friends. I couldn’t help it. 
> 
> Before we move further I’d like to add a **warning** , just in case.
> 
> As you might have surmised from the first chapter, this story does not pretend to be an accurate portrayal of...anything. Ever. 
> 
> I'm making this clear since in this part Clarke and Lexa enter a consensual sort-of relationship. The thought of that happening after the very uneven power dynamics and the gaggle of consent issues of the first part might be upsetting to some of you. 
> 
> I know, I know, this is just nasty sin, but I just want you guys to have a good time reading my filth, and that includes not seeing things that might upset you :)
> 
> Sorry for ye olde wall of text - I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Clarke wakes up, squints at the harsh light coming from the window and immediately realizes something is very, very wrong.

Her skin is on fire, her stomach aches and even the barely-there touch off the furs on her skin seems unbearable. She’s buck naked, there’s a cool breeze coming from the broken window, but still she’s sweating as if the room was at two hundred degrees.

She blinks, trying to clear her head.

She can’t seem to focus on anything besides the dull throb between her legs, the emptiness inside her and a pulsing, desperate need for something she can’t quite name.

In a flash, it comes to her: she wants her alpha.

The emptiness inside her, the ache between her legs, the feeling that if she doesn’t do something she might just explode, there’s only one way to fix that.

She turns around on the bed, reaching out with her hand hoping to find Lexa, only to find a cold, empty spot.

She’s not there. Lexa is not fucking _there_.

Clarke groans as she rolls back to lie on her back. Where the fuck is the Commander? How dare she _mate_ _her_ , and leave her alone, right in the second and worst day of the heat?

It’s all Lexa’s fault: she did this to her. Clarke’s heat wasn’t due to arrive for a week, at least. Lexa had triggered it the previous night -

_Oh, God. The night._

Clarke arches her back and clenches her eyes tightly, whimpering as the memories of the previous night come at her all at once, flooding her mind with image after image. Without fully realizing what she’s doing, one of her hands moves downwards.

She’s not surprised to find she’s soaked already. She moves her fingers to her clit and starts rubbing herself, harshly, desperately. She doesn’t even care about enjoying it, about making it last, she just needs some sort of release or she’s going to lose her mind.

She tries not to think about Lexa, she truly does, but the alpha seems to be the only image her brain can conjure up. She does her utmost to replace her with someone else, literally _anyone_ else, but her mind comes back to the Commander, again and again.

She can’t seem to stop picturing the Commander pushing into her, deep and fast and brutal. She can’t help remembering the way the Commander forced her mouth onto her dick, making Clarke choke on it; nor the way it felt when the Alpha slid into her, making Clarke’s pussy spread around her knot.

 _Fuck_. A shudder runs through her as she slips one finger inside herself. She's dripping, and so, so close already just from thinking about Lexa she would feel ashamed, if she still had it in her to care about anything besides the white-hot need inside her.

As it is, instead of dwelling on it, she adds another finger, picturing what the Commander would do if she found Clarke this way: fingering herself on her bed, thinking about her dick.

Clarke starks pumping in and out as far as her wrist will allow.

The alpha would probably grab Clarke and bend her over, fucking her hard, making her see stars. She would ram into her again, and again until she’d knotted her omega and emptied herself into Clarke’s womb.

Clarke stomach clenches at the thought of the Commander coming inside her. She pushes her fingers down, knuckle-deep inside herself, and comes, biting her lip to keep from screaming.

*

 _Well_ , Clarke thinks after she’s had a minute to catch her breath, _that was pretty much useless._

It’s actually worse than before. Now, she’s dripping onto Lexa’s bed, her pussy puffy and swollen and her mind full of images of the alpha.

She can’t think, she can barely _breathe_. She’s never felt like this before. She’s never had a heat without suppressants, and the previous night Lexa was biting her and filling her to the brim before the heat had even had time to hit properly.

Now, it is as if she doesn’t have the alpha inside her soon, she might actually die. What's even worse, she doesn't want just anybody, she wants _Lexa_. The omega inside demands her mate. She needs the Alpha mating her, right fucking now.

Clarke makes a decision. She jumps out of the bed as if it was on fire, covers herself crudely with the furs - oh god, it's too hot - and practically runs to the door.

Besides the need, the throb and emptiness between her legs, Clarke’s pissed.

How _dare_ Lexa leave? She has no right. She wanted this, she wanted Clarke as her mate and she got her. Now she should be here.

Clarke’s so angry she’s about ready to go into the throne room, the training ground, or wherever the fuck Lexa is; and _demand_ the apha mate her, right in front of half of Polis if necessary.

Instead, when she opens the door she finds herself staring right  into the armored chest of one of Lexa’s guards.

She takes one step back and rises her eyes to look at his face.

He looks positively terrified.

This close she can smell his arousal. He’s an alpha, by the smell of it. He looks young, younger even than her, and white as a piece of paper.

Even if she's been mated by another and that’s supposed to repel other alphas, it can’t be comfortable for him. This is the Commander’s omega, in heat, practically toe to toe with him. Mated or no, Clarke’s probably calling all the alphas in the damn tower, and half the betas too, if she smells anywhere near close to how she feels.

She grabs him by the front of her shirt, and sees his eyes widen.

“Bring me,” she says, slowly and clearly intoning each word, “the Commander.”

He nearly runs into a wall in his effort to scamper out of her presence.

*

To her everlasting credit, Lexa manages not to rip the young alpha’s throat out when he comes smelling like Clarke’s had her hands all over him.

It does help that he stops a good ten feet away from her, and bows much lower and for far longer than strictly necessary.

Still, when he looks up she doesn’t keep the scowl from her face, and doesn’t even try to suppress a low, warning growl.

Her omega. _Hers_.

She regrets it immediately when he trembles before her, practically whimpering.

She focuses on calming herself. It's not his fault she feels like this, and he’s a good man. A loyal soldier, barely out of being a second. He’d probably cut off his own arm before laying a hand on his Commander’s mate.

_He damn well better._

Lexa cracks her neck.

“Go ahead,” she says, as kindly as she can force herself to.

The warrior seems to relax a fraction, but when he speaks next, his eyes never leave the floor.

“Heda,” he mumbles, “your omega is asking for you.”

“Clarke,” Lexa corrects.

The  warrior lowers his head further still. “Yes, Heda.”

“Thank you,” Lexa answers, trying very hard to sound calm and reassuring, “you can leave.”

She inhales and exhales thoughtfully, trying to center herself before facing Clarke.

She's not exactly proud about leaving Clarke like that, alone in the middle of her heat, right after being mated. But when she woke up that morning, completely surrounded by Clarke’s scent, her smell permeating every single inch of that room -- she had to leave. Before doing something she’d regret. Again.

She hadn't mean for the previous night to go as it did. She never meant to - she just wanted the mating bite, the political gesture. As soon as her teeth broke Clarke’s skin, though, she was all but lost. It was the first time an omega had affected her quite this much. Even Clarke herself had never affected her like that before.

As an alpha and a Nightblood, she’s been trained practically from birth to resist that kind of temptation, to understand the power omegas could wield over her, and the power she could wield over them. It simply wouldn’t do for a potential _Heda_ to become a slave to her instincts as soon as an omega in heat was paraded before her.

So she’d done countless sessions of meditation, hours upon hours of Titus calmly instructing her on how to control her reactions, and how to command reactions in others. Breathing exercises and focusing techniques ingrained into her brain from the time she was old enough to understand what an omega was. Awful paired training sessions with Alpha and Omega night bloods trying to get a reaction out of the other.

Lexa scoffs. She might as well have been a pup in her first rut, for all the good that training did her.

Titus appears beside her. “Heda,” he says, “are you alright?”

Lexa nods. “Thank you for helping me today, Titus.”

She means it. She made Titus wake up at the crack of dawn, in a near panic, forcing him to go over every single exercise he'd taught her as a kid, back when he was serving a different Commander and she was just a pup waiting for her conclave.

Titus nods. “Of course, Heda,” he says, “but if I may, there’s no need for such worry. Clarke kom Skaikru is your mate, now. There's no need for these exercises now.”

Lexa growls in frustration. “I won't let my instincts dictate my actions.”

Titus knows better than to question her, so he just nods in deference, but Lexa can tell he doesn't understand. To him, Wanheda or not, Clarke is now just the Commander’s omega. She’s neutralized.

He didn't see that same Omega back that Commander into a table, even when Lexa was furious and snarling at her. Even if Lexa could see the sweat dripping on her forehead and her arms trembling from the effort it took, she didn’t back down. Neither did she held back when they were chasen by a Pauna, nor when they had to leave their people to die when that missile hit.

Lexa did this to her. She betrayed her and turned that proud leader into the tired, angry  woman that mated with her last night.

Lexa clenches her fist hard enough that her nails threaten to break the skin.

And the worst thing it’s that she liked it. She let herself be controlled by her instincts and liked seeing Clarke submit to her will, she liked forcing Clarke to swallow her, she liked bending  the omega over and claiming her.

She breathes deeply, once and then twice more, in and out. She wills her mind to clear, just as she practiced.

She leaves before she can talk herself out of it.

*

When Lexa reaches the door to her room, the smell of Clarke heat is unmistakable. It’s the sweetest thing Lexa’s ever smelt in her life, and _Clarke_ , in a way she couldn’t put into words, even if she tried.

Her hand it’s practically trembling when she reaches for the door knob. The sound of her own heartbeat drowns everything else, and her cock throbs painfully inside her pants.

Her omega is calling to her, there’s no mistaking that. It’s a burning sensation, a red-hot haze that makes it hard, near impossible, to think about anything besides being inside her, claiming her.

She gives herself one last moment, breathing in a steady deliberate pattern, just as Titus instructed. It’s practically worthless, but at least it helps her think she might be able to control herself, this time.

There’s no doubt in her mind what will happen once she crosses that door. She made a promise to Clarke, she promised she was hers.

Now Clarke’s here, mated and in heat, without access to the suppressants the Skaikru uses. Now it's time for Lexa to honor her promise. It’s too late to play noble. The best she can do is be there for the omega’s heat, and hope for the best.

She opens the door, slowly, bracing herself for the onslaught of Clarke’s heat. She’s expecting the force of it to knock her senses out. What she’s not expecting, however, it’s for Clarke’s sight to immediately and irrevocably send all the blood rushing straight for her dick.

Clarke is completely naked, sitting on the edge of the bed. There’s a thin layer of sweat shining on her skin, her smooth legs are spread wide open. What’s worse, Lexa’s mouth goes completely dry, she’s actually touching herself.

Lexa forces herself to focus, swallowing in a futile effort to alleviate the dryness of her throat, and takes one step towards Clarke, and then another. She’s trying very, very hard to keep her head.

As she approaches, Clarke’s eyes never leave hers, and the omega doesn't stop rubbing her clit, stroking and pinching it with soaked, shiny fingers.

Lexa’s cock is so hard now is actually painful. She can barely think. There’s only the desire, the compulsion to be inside Clarke, right now. She has to plunge deep into her dripping, tight cunt and claim her. She needs to pin her to the bed and trace her throat with her tongue as she knots her, as she fills her to bursting with her dick, she needs to -

 _Breathe_. She needs to breathe in, then out. Slowly.

Lexa forces herself to stop right in front of Clarke, instead of jumping her. Her neck is practically wooden with the effort it takes to keep her hands by her sides. Carefully, she kneels before Clarke, so that with the omega sitting on the edge of the bed, they are eye to eye.

Clarke eyes darken in desire and Lexa feels a growl come from deep in her belly before she can stop it. Clarke eyes drop to Lexa’s lips, her hands leaving her pussy and grabbing a hold of Lexa’s face, coating her cheeks with Clarke’s wetness.

And then Clarke’s kissing her, roughly, all teeth clashing and lips biting, pushing her tongue inside Lexa’s mouth. Lexa answers back in kind, letting Clarke set the pace.

“How dare you,” Clarke hisses against Lexa’s mouth, “how dare you do this to me and _leave._ ”

Lexa can’t even form a coherent thought right now. She’s sure if she’d attempted speaking, all that would come out of her mouth would be a strangled moan, so she doesn’t even try.

Clarke is kissing her, touching her, and she’s naked and she smells so good. She smells so fucking good. All sweet omega, calling to her, mixed with need and sweat and arousal. Somewhere in there Lexa’s own smell lingers on Clarke as well, marking her, and when Lexa notices that, it sends a throb of desire right into her cock.

Every fiber of her body is telling her to pin _her_ Omega to the floor and fill the omega with her knot. Titus breathing exercises are complete and utter nonsense when Clarke seems to be intent on kissing the air out of her.

“You did this,” Clarke tugs Lexa towards the bed by the sides of her face, “now you need to fix it.”

Lexa nods against Clarke’s mouth. “Whatever you need,” she says, already tugging at her belt with her suddenly clumsy hands.

Clarke stops the kiss and looks straight at Lexa, with wild, unfocused eyes.

“Whatever I need,” she repeats, slowly, as if she doesn't quite understand the words.

There’s something else there, too, but through the haze of Clarke’s heat, her own piercing need, the painful throb of her cock inside her pants and the damn buckle belt that just won’t come undone, Lexa can’t even begin to try to figure what it is.

Clarke tugs clumsily at Lexa’s shirt. “Take this off.”

It’s a command alright. Lexa has to clench her jaw hard enough for it to actually hurt to resist her instinctive reaction at being _commanded_ by her omega.

Instead of growling at Clarke and showing her dominance until the omega knows her place, like every single instinct is telling her to do, she clenches her eyes and swallows, forcing herself to focus.

She takes her clothes off as fast as she humanly can, even if all her damned belts and buckles seem to have become near incomprehensible all of the sudden.  

Once she’s completely naked, she finds Clarke’s eyes fixed on her dick, which is so hard Lexa’s afraid she’s going to explode as soon as Clarke so much as touches it.

Clarke looks up from Lexa’s cock and right into Lexa’s eyes. She lays back on the bed and opens her legs wide.

The intent couldn’t be clearer, but Lexa manages to resist the urge to just plunge into her, to sink her dick as deep as it would go inside her in one stroke. Instead, she settles on top of her, bracing her weight on her forearms and kisses her, as tenderly as she possibly can.

Clarke’s answer is to bite her bottom lip, hard, actually ripping the skin on it and drawing blood.

“What I need,” Clarke licks the blood off Lexa’s bottom lip, “is for you to _claim_ me.”

Lexa’s arms are trembling now. There isn’t a muscle in her body that’s not taut, exerted with the effort it’s taking to contain herself. If Clarke keeps this up  -

“Are you sure?” Lexa ask, trying to hold on to what little is left of her sanity, “I don't want -”

“Oh, we both know what you want, Lexa,” Clarke interrupts.

She licks just below Lexa’s ear, thrusting her hips upwards so that her lips touch the underside of Lexa’s erection.

Lexa bits her already injured bottom lip and groans, both at the sudden pain and at the way the mere touch of Clarke’s drenched pussy on her dick has her near breaking point.

“What you want,” Clarke continues, “is to bend me over and fuck me.”

She’s whispering against her ear now, her breath hot against Lexa’s neck.

“You want to stretch me so wide with your knot, you’re the only one I’ll be able to fuck in my life, the only one who can ever fill me.”

One of Clarke's hands slithers downwards, finding Lexa’s dick. Lexa grinds her teeth. If she comes from this the omega might actually murder her.

Lexa might throw herself off her own damn tower.

Clarke other hand moves back to her pussy, slipping two fingers inside, coating them with her wetness. And then there’s two hands grasping Lexa’s dick, getting it slick and ready, slowly pumping up and down.

“You’re so thick I can barely close my hand around you,” Clarke whispers.

Lexa growls, clutching the sheet on either side of Clarke's head. She thinks she might hear the cloth ripping, through the thunder of her own heartbeat in her ears.

“You like that, don't you?” Clarke asks, “you like that you're too big for me, that nothing as big as you has ever been inside me.”

“You like that when you were inside my mouth, you made me choke on your dick.”

One of Clarke’s hand moves from Lexa’s dick to her face, her soaked thumb tracing her bottom lip. Lexa can taste Clarke, and her own blood.

“You like,” Clarke is breathing heavily now, “that when you filled me with your cum, it’s was so much that it dripped out of me, staining your bed.”

_Oh, god._

Lexa feels as if something inside her finally breaks. Her entire body - her arms , her stomach, wound so tight they finally snap and fly apart.

She grabs Clarke’s arms by the wrists, taking them away from her dick, and pins them over the omega’s head.

Clarke gasps. “There you are,” she says.

Lexa growls.

Clarke smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

She pushes her hips towards Lexa. “We both know what you want, Commander.”

Lexa is beyond the point she can care that Clarke manages to make her title sound like an insult.

“So come and _take_ it.”

Lexa supposes she should feel worse about the smug satisfaction that fills her chest when she pushes half her dick inside Clarke without warning, and the omega next words die in her throat in a strangled gasp. As it is, she’s so beyond the point she can care she lets herself enjoy the sight of Clarke’s face, the perfect mix of pain and pleasure.

_Breathe in. Count to ten. Breathe out._

She waits until Clarke face relaxes before asking, “Can I?”

She supposes Clarke’s glare is all the answer she’s going to get.

She starts pushing in. The feeling of the omega’s walls gripping her dick in an iron grip, the muscles accommodating to her girth, and the knowledge that she's the first alpha to claim her like this, have Lexa worrying that she’s going to empty her load inside Clarke before she’s even had time to knot her.

Clarke whimpers, and when Lexa releases her wrists, her hands immediately move to Lexa’s back.

Her nails dig into it and Lexa hisses in pain. She gives one last push, finally balls deep inside Clarke. The omega whimpers in pleasure, and raises her mouth to Lexa’s, kissing her again.

She’s  rolling her hips now, trying to get the friction she so desperately seems to want and Lexa gets the message.

She breaks the kiss, with one last tug at Clarke’s bottom lip. She braces herself on her hands and starts pumping in and out in deep, slow strokes, pulling out until only the head of her dick is inside clarke and plunging back in until she’s balls deep again.

“Harder,” Clarke demands.

Clarke is so tight, and she smells so good, Lexa wants nothing more than to just let go and rut into Clarke mindlessly, burying herself in her omega, taking what’s hers.

“For fucks sake,” Clarke groans, _clawing_ at Lexa’s back, “claim me Lexa, I want to feel you for weeks to come.”

Lexa tries very, very hard to keep the image of Clarke wincing as she sits down on her throne from her mind.

She fails miserably.

So she obeys. She grabs Clarke by the hips and sets a brutal pace, enjoying the look on Clarke’s face. Her eyes shut tightly and mouth agape, unable to help the little screams and whimpers every time Lexa’s dick plunges deep inside her.

She watches Clarke’s tits bounce up and down which each of her thrusts, an hypnotic motion. One of hands leave Clarke’s hips and moves to one those perfect breasts.  She cups it, massaging it, rolling the nipple between her fingers.

Then, her hand moves downwards, to Clarke’s taut belly. As soon as her hand is over Clarke’s belly button the thought of filling it with her seed, of filling Clarke with her cubs and seeing her belly swell with her child,  is enough to almost send her over the edge. She picks up the pace again, plowing into Clarke with all she has.

*

 _Finally_ , Clarke  screams when the alpha starts fucking her like she wants to, like she needs to. Finally claiming her.

“Harder,” she groans, “fuck! Jesus - _harder._ ”

This is what she wants, what she needs. Alpha and omega. Instincts taking over, the animal inside Lexa ramming into her and mating her, breeding her.

That was the deal. There's no need for forgiveness, for sad eyes or hesitant touches. This, her alpha’s dick splinting her cunt apart, Lexa’s hands around her waist, gripping hard enough to leave bruises, this is what they are to each other now.

“More,” she begs.

Suddenly, just as she starts to feel Lexa’s knot forming, streching her a little bit more each time she thrusts inside her, the alpha pulls out completely.

She’s torn between wanting to sob and clawing the alpha’s eyes out when she sees her face.

Hard. Determined. The tiniest hint of a smirk around her corners.

Fuck. Arousal pools deep in her belly and a rush of wetness coats her pussy. She could come just from looking at Lexa. It's the first time she’s entered the room that Clarke’s actually felt the _alpha’s_ presence.

Thank God. Lexa is pumping pheromones like crazy, calling for Clarke to submit to her, demanding it. Ordering Clarke to bend to her will with just a look, and let herself be claimed by the strongest alpha around.

Clarke lets Lexa’s dominance wash over her and tilts her neck in submission, feeling relieved. If she can just get lost in the haze again, in her heat and in Lexa and how much she wants the alpha to take her, to make her hers, well. Maybe she might actually get through this.

“Get on all fours,” Lexa commands.

Clarke doesn’t even realize she’s obeyed until she finds herself staring at the intricate carving on the headboard of Lexa’s bed. Hands and knees against the furs, she arches her back for Lexa to get a good view of her dripping, swollen pussy.

Without warning, Lexa settles herself behind her, and in one swift, hard thrust, she’s completely sheathed inside her. From this position, she goes even deeper than before, hitting all the right spots. Having the Commander’s dick shoved inside her in one thrust hurts, but Clarke couldn't care even if she tried. She arches her back again, gripping the headboard and pushing her ass towards Lexa.

When Lexa doesn’t move, Clarke looks back to find the Alpha staring at her intently.

Clarke nods.

Lexa goes back to pounding her, each plunge sending more of her knot inside Clarke, inch by inch, until Clarke is practically delirious from it. All she can think is that even if it feels like she won't be able to walk for a week, even if she feels full to bursting with Lexa’s dick, she just needs _more_. She needs it harder, deeper, faster. More.

“Do it Lexa, please, I can’t -” she moans, “I need your knot inside me.”

Lexa groans against her neck, pressing her breasts against Clarke’s back. Her teeth trace the bite marks she made the night before, but she doesn’t bite in.

Finally, with one last push, Lexa’s knot is inside, and Clarke is coming, seeing stars.

Even if her knot is already inside Clarke, the commander continues thrusting, moving a millimeters at a time and making Clarke’s orgasm stretch until she can’t take it anymore.

She needs something to hold onto, so she reaches to where Lexa’s head is, her mouth still covering her bite marks and grabs the back of her neck, needing to feel the alpha closer. As soon as she does it, she feels Lexa’s shudder, and then the alpha is coming, shot after shot of thick cum coating her insides, filling her womb with the commanders seed.

*

Clarke wakes up the following day feeling disoriented and groggy, like she’s just slept for a week. She blinks, trying to focus her head.

She shifts in the bed and winces. Well, she asked to feel Lexa for weeks to come. Apparently, she’s going to get her wish.

At least her heat is over, that much she can tell. She wills herself not to think about what happened during it for now, but for what it’s worth, she feels like herself again. Like something inside her has snapped back into place, and she can think clearly for the first time in days.

Thinking clearly brings back a whole lot of thoughts back - about Lexa, about that godforsaken mountain, about the Ice Nation, about her mother and her friends back at the camp.

She frowns, and slowly moves to a sitting position, setting her shoulder straight. There’s nothing she can do about all that now.

She chances a look to her side on the bed and sighs. Of course Lexa would stay now that Clarke’s heat is sated, and she’d much rather Lexa be somewhere else. Literally anywhere else.

Like this, the commander looks like any other girl. Young, maybe even innocent.

Lexa is sleeping on her stomach, hair tussled but still braided. She's got intricate tattoos covering her back, going even below where the furs cover her backside. Clarke wonders what they mean, if anything.

A knock on the door pulls her from her thoughts. She realizes her hand is hovering over the Commander’s back - almost ready to trace her tattoo with her fingers.

Before Clarke has time to react to the knock, Lexa is up, covered with a robe and on her way to the door.

 _Sleeping my ass_ , Clarke thinks.

Lexa stops midway to the door, turns around and walks to a chair beside the bed. She hesitates, gives Clarke a look the omega doesn't have the energy to try to decipher, and hands her some sort of nightgown.

Clarke slips it over her head.

“Thank you,” she says.

Lexa only nods in response. She turns to the door.

“Come in,” she says.

In steps Titus, looking anxious, and furious.

“Heda,” he begins, notices Clarke, and seems to doubt, “Wanheda.”

“Clarke is fine,” she says.

Titus nods. “Heda,” he repeats, “you’re needed in the throne room, there’s been a development the Skaikru ambassador would like to speak of.”

Clarke feels her stomach drop. Kane wants to speak to Lexa?

“What happened?” she asks.

Titus hesitates, his eyes shifting towards Lexa.

Oh for god's sake. Clarke is about ready to just stroll out of there in the flimsy robe and go to the damn throne room herself when she hears Lexa speak.

“Speak, Titus,” she commands, “anything said to me can be said to Clarke.”

Clarke tries very, very hard not to react in any way or form to that.

Titus opens his mouth as if wanting to say something, but the tiniest raise of Lexa’s eyebrows shuts him right up.

When he speaks next, he’s actually speaking to Clarke. Clarke’s smugness dies as soon as she hears what he has to say, though.

“There’s been an attack,” he explains, “on Skaikru by Ice Nation assassins.”

All the blood drains from Clarke’s face.

“What?” Clarke asks, “Where? Who?”

Lexa puts a tentative hand on Clarke’s arm, but before she can think about what she’s doing, Clarke shakes it out of her grasp.

She regrets it as soon as she sees Titus eyes widen in surprise, but Lexa has no reaction, other than to let her hand drop awkwardly to her side.

“Thank you, Titus,” says Lexa, “tell embassador Kane I will be there shortly.”

Titus leaves and Lexa turns to look at Clarke. She looks as if she wants to say something, but she never does.

That angers Clarke way more that it should. Instead of shouting for Lexa to just _speak up, goddammit_ , she lifts her chin, aiming to look as defiant as she possibly can.

“I’m coming with you,” she says.

Internally, she prays that Lexa will agree without much of a fight. She’s not in heat anymore, but who knows how she’ll react to Lexa’s dominance now that they’re mated. If Lexa refuses, and if Clarke’s inner omega can’t bring herself to defy her alpha, Clarke’s not sure her pride could take it.

But Lexa simply nods, as if there was absolutely nothing amiss about the commander’s mate going with her to an important meeting with an embassador.

“You should find something for you in that closet,” Lexa says, nodding towards a closet in the far side of the room.

Clarke swallows. “Thank you,” she says.

She tries to keep the relief out of her voice, trying to make it sound casual, instead of impossibly loaded with meaning. She’s not very successful.

But if Lexa thinks she means to thank her for anything other than the clothes, she doesn’t show it. Clarke hates that she finds herself feeling grateful for that, too.

Lexa hesitates for a split second, looking into Clarke’s eyes, nods once more at her and leaves Clarke to dress herself without another word.

Clarke sighs. They actually had been able to talk to each other, once upon a time.

*

When Kane tells them the whole story, Clarke feels first immensely relieved and then guilty about her relief.

A lot of people died. Her people. Lexa’s people as well, she supposes.

But not her mom. Not Bellamy. Not Octavia or Raven or Monty, or any of her friends. She couldn’t - not after everything. She can't lose any of them on top of everything else.

Lexa’s reaction, however, is nowhere close to relieved. She feels the alpha’s anger even before she notices the dark look on the commander's face, her body reacting to her mate’s shifting mood.

“Marshall your forces, embassador, we avenge this attack together,” Lexa says.

Kane nods at once.

“We will capture the Queen of the Ice Nation and call upon the ambassadors of the twelve clans,” she continues, “this was an attack on your clan, ambassador Kane - on yours, Clarke. You both need to be there.”

Kane nods once more. “Of course Commander.”

Lexa nods back, first at him and then at Clarke, and leaves without looking back.

Now that they’re alone, Clarke realizes she hasn’t seen Kane since the night of hers and Lexa’s first mating.

Suddenly, Clarke is afraid of meeting his eyes. Afraid of what she’ll see in them.

But when she looks up, he smiles sadly at her, but it’s as if nothing is changed. As if she’s still Clarke and not Wanheda or Lexa’s mate. Abby’s kid.

Clarke finds herself feeling glad it was Kane who stayed as embassador instead of her mother. Her mom couldn’t have dealt well with Clarke becoming Lexa’s mate, to smelling Lexa’s alpha scent all over her daughter, to seeing Clarke’s neck covered in angry, red bites, marking her as Lexa’s property.

But Kane’s not an alpha, and he’s not her mother. He understands what she had to do, and why she had to do it. Clarke glances at the scars on his wrist, still visible.

He understands what it means to sacrifice for his people.

Above all, he understands what is like being an Omega. Back on the ark, with suppressants readily available, it was easier to pretend, to forget what people really thought of you. But here, on the ground, with suppressants running low and tempers running high it’s a whole different matter.

“How are you, Clarke?” he asks, taking her out of her thoughts.

Clarke wishes she knew. She’s tired. She’s sad. She’s mated to an alpha she thought she knew, a lifetime ago. An alpha she thought she might’ve loved if she’d given Clarke the time, but instead left her and her people to die. And Alpha who Clarke wants to hate for that, but can’t.

Clarke shrugs. “I’m fine.”

She doubts very much that Kane believes her, but he just smiles. “I’m glad,” he says.

He gestures towards the door, “Come,” his eyes shift to Lexa’s guards, “let’s go somewhere more private.”

Weirdly, the guards don’t follow them when they leave the throne room. Clarke supposes they feel no need to guard the commander’s property from another omega.

When they reach Kane’s room, he gestures towards a couch, that must have been comfortable and luxurious, a million years ago.

“Come on in,” he says, “take a seat.”

Clarke is immensely grateful at how Kane diplomatically ignores the way she can’t quite manage to suppress the tiniest wince when she sits down.

Now that they’re here, Clarke regrets following Kane to his room. She doesn’t really know what to say. She’s instantly anxious, worried that Kane might ask how is she again. How is she, _really_.

Kane, however, seems content to just sit there in silence, until Clarke can’t take it anymore.

“What do you think will happen in the meeting?” she asks.

“The covenant of the twelve  - thirteen  clans is that by attacking one of us,  she’s attacked all of us,” he answers, “and -”

Clarke cuts him off, “Blood must have blood.”

She sighs.

She gets up and goes towards the window - blood must have blood. Again, and again. She wonders if it will ever end. She grips the railing on the window.

No matter how much they sacrifice, they’re back again on the starting point: the brink of war.

“I just -” she says, “I'm worried we're walking right into war, again.”

Kane gets up as well, and follows her to the window. “Lets hope it won’t come to that.”

“And we’ve just tied ourselves to Lexa,” she adds.

 _Some more than others_ , she thinks, one hand moving to her stomach on instinct. Being knotted during the heat off suppressants is already dangerous, being knotted multiple times by an alpha as strong as Lexa - there’s not much hope of avoiding pregnancy, now, and Clarke doesn’t exactly have access to anything that could prevent it.  

And if there's war, if something happens to Lexa -

She tightens her grip on the railing.

“It _won’t_ come to that,” Kane says.

Clarke tries really, really hard to believe him.

*

She doesn’t see Lexa again until she comes to get her for the meeting, herself.

She’s clad in her usual _Heda_ attire, all hard edges, shoulder gauntlets and red sash dragging on the floor as she walks. It’s always done things to Clarke, and now that it brings to mind all the things that’s she’s done with Lexa in that getup, well.

It’s definitely not the best way this morning could have started.

Clarke takes a deep breath - willing the images out of her mind. Generally, it’s harden when in Lexa’s presence, but this time, she manages to center herself without much trouble.

“Clarke,” Lexa says, “are you ready?”

Actually, now that Lexa is this close to her, Clarke realizes that Lexa’s pheromones don’t seem to be affecting quite as much as usual. They’re not overwhelming, like they were during her heat, or the strong, piercing pull to submit that made her muscles ache with the effort it took to defy the Commander when they first met. It’s just a low, humming presence in the back of her mind, easily ignored.

Clarke always thought, was taught, that the opposite would happen. That once mated to an alpha, their influence over her would increase, not become easier to control.

She shelves the thought for later, though she’s not sure who she could ask.

“I’m ready,” she answers and follows Lexa out of the room.

“Do you think your ambassadors will mind me there?” Clarke asks.

She doesn’t give a damn, one way or the other, but she wants to know what she’ll be up against. Besides, she’d like to manage one human interaction with Lexa that’s not either unbearable awkwardness or hormone fueled intercourse.

Lexa is too dignified to roll her eyes, but her scoff lets Clarke know what she thinks just as well.  

“My ambassadors mind a great deal of things,” Lexa says, “not all their objections have merit.”

Clarke manages not to smile, but just barely.

*

Despite all her bravado, when they cross the doorway to the throne side by side, she has to make a conscious effort to keep her head up high. The room is thick with pheromones that the ambassadors are pumping out like crazy. It’s actually making Clarke’s skin crawl.  God only knows what this group, comprised almost entirely of alphas, thinks about the Skaikru leaving only an omega as representative.

She glances at Kane as she walks. He looks about as good as she feels, gripping the arms on the seat, face pale and eyes fixed on a spot on the wall. He catches her eye and gives her the tiniest of smiles.

Lexa takes a seat on her throne, and Clarke is guided to a smaller one to her right.

“Today,” Lexa begins, “we honor our covenant. The clan that stands against one of us, stands against us all.”

Titus steps from in between Lexa and her.

“Bring in the accused,” he says, in Trigedasleng.

Two guards walk Queen Nia in. As she walks, she fixes her eyes first on Clarke in contempt, then on Kane, and finally, as she’s forced to kneel before her, on Lexa, whose face betrays absolutely nothing.

“Queen Nia of Azgeda has confessed to the destruction of Mount Weather,” Titus continues, now in English, “resulting in the death of forty nine members of Skaikru.”

He turns to Kane, but Lexa raises her arm and stops him before he can say anything.

“Wanheda,” she says, her eyes never leaving Queen nia, “what say you?”

Clarke freezes for a second. Her?

She looks at Kane, not wanting to undermine his authority as embassador more than being an omega already does, but he’s not looking at her. Instead, he’s looking at Lexa with an expression that could almost be proud.

She wonders if they planned this together, but it doesn’t matter now. She knows what she needs to say.

She sits straight, raises her chin and looks at the Queen straight in the eye.

“Skaikru demands justice.”

*

It goes downhill from there. Before Clarke even understands what's actually happening, she finds herself in the middle of a coup, every single ambassador turning against the Commander, asking for her command. Or her head.

All of them, except one.

*

“The vote is _not_ unanimous,” Kane says amidst the chaos.

Queen Nia turns her head to look at Kane, lips curled in a snarl as if she'd just smelled something foul.

Kane stares back, after a moment, he adds, “The vote of no confidence _fails_.”

Queen Nia scowls. “We don't recognize the _legitimacy_ of Skaikru.”

“We do,” says Titus, beside her, “during the summit -”

“Enough!” Lexa shouts.

Instinctively, Clarke turns to look at her. The entire room falls dead silent, all at once.

“We both know what you want, Nia,” Lexa says, practically spitting out the words.

Slowly, Lexa stands and it becomes perfectly clear to Clarke why Lexa’s pheromones seemed to have less of an effect on Clarke than usual.

It was because there practically weren’t there.

As soon as the Commander stands to full height, the air becomes heavy, until her dominance permeates the whole room. Alphas, betas, omegas, it doesn’t matter, all of them are shifting uncomfortably in their seats. It’s as if the air inside her lungs has turned dense and hot, impossible to breathe.

Turns out everything they ever taught her was right.

Now that’s she’s mated to Lexa, it’s no longer just a call to submit, it feels as if Lexa is calling her, specifically, reaching inside Clarke and pulling her towards the Commander.

Clarke is getting dizzy on the feeling. She forces herself to take her eyes off Lexa, but it doesn’t help. Then, she notices Kane, who is staring transfixed at Lexa and has to squash down a ridiculous feeling of jealousy.

Her inner Omega’s notion of Kane having any sort of interest in Lexa as an Alpha is laughable enough for Clarke’s rational mind to be able to work again.

“If you think me unfit to command,” Lexa says. Clarke notices how Queen Nia trembles with the effort it takes to hold her head up high, instead of averting her eyes, “issue the challenge, let's get on with it”

The way Lexa says it, as if she’s already bored with this, all arrogance and anger and _alpha_ rolled into one, doesn’t do anything for Clarke. Anything at all.

“Very well,” answers Nia, “you’re challenged.”

“And I accept your challenge.”

Titus is practically trembling when he steps besides Lexa. “So be it,” he says, “who do you choose to be your champions?”

Clarke’s head snaps. Champion?

Queen Nia doesn’t miss a beat. “My son, Prince Roan of Azgeda, will fight for me.”

Titus then turns to Lexa. “Heda, who will fight for you?”

Lexa turns to the throne, and climbs the steps carefully. Deliberately. This close to her,  the effect on Clarke’s body is immediate, she feels as if she can barely breathe.

Lexa takes a seat, lifts her chin, looking defiantly at the ambassadors that betrayed her.

“I am Heda,” she says, “nobody fights for me.”

*

After the meeting, Lexa is suspiciously nowhere to be found for hours and when Clarke finally manages to get to her, she’s surrounded by a horde of little kids.

Which is unfortunate, to say the least. What Clarke _really_ wants to do is wring the Commander's neck, and the image of Lexa sitting at her throne, in casual, relaxed clothing and surrounded by little kids that hang to her every word is all sorts of counterproductive for that.

She spots Titus standing by the sidelines and walks to him.

“I don’t understand,” Clarke says, “the Queen is not fighting, why should she?”

Titus doesn’t even look at her, focused on Lexa and the kids. “The queen’s strength is not in doubt,” he answers, and then turns to Clarke, “thanks to _you_ , Heda’s is.”

Clarke clenches her jaw. She doesn’t need the reminder. She knows what they are saying around polis. They say she manipulated the Commander, that she seduced her, that she practically _forced_ her to mate with her - the irony is _not_ lost on her - and then demanded her people be branded as the thirteenth clan in _payment_.

All of that in less than a week. The polis rumor mill is nothing if not effective, it seems.

Titus claps his hands. “Nightbloods, follow me.”

All the kids immediately stand up straight and march out without another word, like little soldiers.  As they leave, Clarke notices Lexa’s eyes following them, a small smile on her face.

For a moment, she looks every bit as young as she is. The impression lasts only a second or two, but it’s heartbreaking.

Before Clarke can do anything irrevocably stupid, like say that out loud, Lexa walks up to her.

Now that Clarke knows that Lexa’s been toning down attitude and pheromones for her sake, she can appreciate the difference. There’s a calm now, when she’s in Lexa’s presence, a strong atmosphere that engulfs her as soon as she is close to the Commander.

She wonders if it's because they're mated, or because it’s Lexa, because no matter how calm, how happy, an alpha’s scent has never made her feel like this. It’s like a warm blanket has been draped above her, and nothing bad can happen to her as long as she stays beneath it.

She shakes her head, clearing her thoughts. Reminding herself she is actually furious with the Commander.

“I’ve sent Indra to raise an army from the villages near Arkadia,” Lexa says, “your people are protected, just as I bowed they would be.”

If she wasn’t trying to avoid Lexa getting killed, Clarke would probably throw her off the tower herself.

“This is not just about my people!” Clarke shouts, walking into Lexa’s personal space, “you don’t stand a chance against Roan.”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Clarke realizes it’s the wrong thing to say.  Lexa’s face hardness and the calm, soothing atmosphere disappears, turning angry and dominant.

Clarke’s chest constricts, the omega inside panicking at the thought of displeasing her mate, her alpha. Clarke pays her instincts no mind and squares her shoulders, willing herself to look straight into Lexa’s eyes.

The alpha bares her teeth. “You’ve never seen me _fight_.”

Fine, Clarke decides, time to change tactics.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry. Calm down,” she says, putting one hand on Lexa’s arm.

She fears Lexa will react as she did and shake it away. Instead, the Alpha’s taut muscles slowly but surely relax under her touch.

Her inner Omega practically dances in joy.

“What will happen to me if you die?” she asks, “you can’t just mate me and leave me alone.”

Clarke is almost sure she’d probably be fine, though she might have to leave Polis and return to Arkadia with her pride a little bruised, but the words have the desired effect on Lexa, appealing to her protective instincts.

She sees the Alpha visibly struggle to calm herself down. Remarkably, Lexa seems to be managing. Clarke can hardly believe it, she’s never seen an Alpha switch gears so fast - switch gears at all - but sure enough, after a few beats Clarke feels the protective, warm presence of Lexa’s calm return.

Clarke is about to count it as a win, until Lexa speaks again.

“Be that as it may, Clarke, I’m no use to you, or to our alliance  or to -” she gestures vaguely to Clarke’s stomach, as if she can’t bring herself to say the words, “not if I can’t hold power - if I’m seen as weak.”

Clarke groans in frustration, wanting to tear her own hair out. Fucking _Alphas_.

“I won’t just sit there and watch you die!”

Lexa’s face is a mask of cool confidence. “If that is to be my fate” she continues, “then this is the day my spirit must choose a successor, and you need to accept that.”

Clarke clenches her jaw. Fine. Lexa won’t listen to her? She’ll find another way.

“Like _hell_ I do,” she says, turns around, and leaves before Lexa can say anything else.

*

As it turns out, her attempts to prevent Lexa from killing herself are nothing but unmitigated disaster.

She still thinks her plan had enough merit, but at the end of the day, all that she gets out of it it’s her face smeared with Ontari’s blood, a cut on her hand, and Lexa’s self righteous attitude.

She’s not entirely sure which one is worse.

“I know you’re driven to fix everything for everybody,” Lexa says, “but you can't fix this.”

She’s furious, Clarke can tell. Barely managing to keep from shouting and Clarke is torn between wanting to knock some sense into her and wanting to tear her clothes off.

“I won’t just sit there and watch you die!”

*

As it turns out, despite what she said to Lexa, when the time of the fight comes, though, she finds herself standing at the bottom of Lexa’s tower, watching the city move towards the arena.

It seems as if all of Polis is moving in one direction. The rumor mill has done its work, and there isn’t a single soul in the city who hasn’t heard about the _solo gunplei_ , or who is willing to miss it.

Except Clarke.

She’d promised herself she wouldn’t go. She didn’t even mean to come down. She was just wandering aimlessly, trying to make time pass, and before she’d even realized what she was doing, she was on the elevator, going down.

She doesn’t want to go, but the thought of Lexa dying, alone in the fight, without anyone seeing that it’s Lexa who’s dying, not just the Commander, without anyone who -

She starts walking towards the arena.

*

The closer Clarke gets, the harder it is to move through the crowd. The place is full to bursting, completely packed. People shoving and elbowing each other for a chance at a better view of the carnage.

When she starts thinking she’ll never make it through in time, the crowd start to actually part at the sight of her.

She hears her whisper “ _Wanheda_ ” reverently, and tries not to pay attention at their awe-struck faces when she walks past them.

It’s disconcerting, she knows the legend of the mountain slayer has traveled far and wide, but there’s no way that all of them can actually know her face, is it? How many copies of her wanted poster were made?

But it’s not her face they’re recognizing at all, she realizes, seeing their nostrils flare as she walks past them. It’s her smell. _Lexa’s_ smell on her. She smells like their Commander.

She doesn’t quite know how to feel about Lexa’s scent lingering on her like that, marking her even when her bite-covered neck is not visible, so she just buries the thought away and pushes through the crowd.

By the time she makes it through, the fight is almost ready to start.

She sees Lexa, ready to grab her sword. The alpha must catch Clarke’s scent, as well, because she immediately stop and looks up.

The look on her face it’s neither relief nor happiness, not exactly, but it makes Clarke realise she’s exactly where she needs to be.

“I’m glad you came,” Lexa says.

Clarke nods. “Me too.”

*

And then it begins.

If Clarke thought it was bad in the meeting with the ambassadors, this is something else entirely.

Back in the throne room, Lexa might have been trying to assert her dominance, but it was still controlled, calculated. It was the Commander playing politics, using all the means at her disposal.

Now, in the arena,  is not the Commander who’s fighting. It’s not Lexa and Roan. It’s the animal inside them, the beast within.

Lexa is absolutely primal, growling and snarling, all strength, speed and deadly precision.

Both alpha’s are out completely, and the atmosphere around them is unbearable. Clarke tries to focus on the fight, trying to understand what is happening, but she can’t see the whole picture. Her mind can only focus on single movements, on Lexa’s movements, on how strong she looks, how dangerous, how _alpha_.

Her inner omega swells her chest with pride. This is her mate. Hers. This is the strongest Alpha and she’s Clarke’s.

A sharp sound snaps Clarke’s out of her thoughts just in time to see on of Lexa’s swords - when did she get two? - falling to the floor.

Then, before Clarke’s time to process it, Roan lands another blow, making Lexa fall to the floor as her other sword clatters besides her.

Roan is growling, pointing at Lexa’s chest with his spear.

The entire arena is deadly silent, but Clarke’s deafened by the sound of her own heart beat.

_No, please no. This can’t be happening._

She feels as if something is grabbing her heart in a vice grip, threatening to crush it inside her.

 _Please_.

Despite being on the floor with a spear pointer at her face, Lexa never shows any signs of submitting, snarling at Roan.

He lifts the spear.

Clarke can’t breathe.

He brings the spear down.

When it’s about to hit Lexa, the alpha rolls to the side, avoiding it.

 _Oh God._ Clarke feels the air return to her lungs. _Please._

It’s all for Lexa after that. She kicks his legs, making him stumble. She lands one blow, and then another and then she’s disarming him,  pinning him to the floor, reversing their positions.

Lexa points the tip of the spear to his adam’s apple and presses down, growling. She doesn’t want to kill him, Clarke realises, not before he submits.

After a beat, Roan tilts his head, presenting his neck to Lexa.

“Get up!” Queen Nia screams, desperate, “if you die know you don’t die a prince, you die a _coward_!”

But no matter what Roan does now, the damage is done. He’s already submitted to Lexa.

Lexa lifts the spear a millimeter.

“Jus drein, Jus daun,” she says.

And then, instead of pressing down, she lifts the spear, brings her arm back, and sends the it flying.

Right into Queen Nia’s chest.

“The Queen is dead. Long live the King.”

*

As soon as the fight ends, Titus and the ambassadors drag Lexa away, presumably to clean her up, and arrange for the Ice Nation succession.

Clarke has to try very, very hard to remain where she is instead of following after them and demanding they give her alpha over to her, right now.

By the time night comes, with the help of one freezing cold bath and some distance from Lexa, Clarke feels calmer. She still hasn’t managed to shake the feeling of pride swelling inside her after seeing her alpha win.

Clarke remembers how every single omega in that crowd was practically ready to throw themselves at the Commander, mated or no, but she was Clarke’s, is Clarke’s. She bears Clarke’s mark on her shoulder just as Clarke bears Lexa’s. Her alpha, the strongest in the entire city, the alpha that’s going to give her the strongest pups.

Thankfully, there’s a knock in the door before _that_ thought gets any further.

Clarke doesn't have to open it to know who’s behind it and for some damn reason, she feels her heart beating faster in anticipation.

When she opens the door, she’s actually surprised by what she sees.

It’s Lexa, but she’s in some sort off nightgown, her hair is down, and there’s absolutely nothing hard about her. It’s such a sharp contrast to the feral Alpha she witnessed just a few hours ago Clarke doesn’t know how to react.

What’s worse, it that this relaxed, soft side of the alpha does absolutely nothing to calm the beating of her heart.

Lexa seems to hesitate on the doorway and Clarke notices the dirty bandage on her hand.

“Come in,” Clarke says, if only to have something to do besides remembering the way Lexa stopped Roan’s sword with her bare hand, “let me change that.”

Lexa takes a seat, and Clarke goes about changing her bandages, focusing on the simple task harder than she’s ever focused on anything in her life.

“Thank you for backing me,” Lexa says.

“Kane backed you,” Clarke doesn’t take her eyes from Lexa’s hand, “I just did what was best for my people.”

The lie is paper-thin, at best, but Lexa doesn’t dispute it.

“How do you move forward?” Clarke surprises herself by asking, “your ambassadors betrayed you.”

Lexa doesn’t hesitate. “They were doing what they thought was right for their people, too.”

Lexa’s meaning is not lost on Clarke.

She tries to hold on to her anger, she really shouldn’t be giving in so easy, but try as she might, she feels herself relaxing. Lexa will always do what’s best for her people, as will Clarke. For Lexa, duty will always trump all else. It what’s makes her a good leader.

But now her people and Lexa’s people are one. Maybe, along with duty, and leadership and politics, maybe they can manage to -

She catches herself before letting that train of thought advance.

Lexa is still looking at her, apparently content in waiting forever for Clarke to speak, if necessary.

But it’s Clarke who cracks. She doesn’t know what to say, so she does the next best thing she can think of: she kisses Lexa.

Lexa kisses back, without hesitation.

Clarke pours all the tension, and fear and heartbreak of the day into the kiss.  Soon enough, it turns desperate, Clarke’s hands going to the strap of Lexa’s nightgown, tugging down. Clarke feels Lexa smile into the kiss when her hands trace her shoulders, and equal parts of warmth and arousal pool deep in her belly.

And then Lexa’s hands are on her, helping her take off her own gown.

It’s harder to keep track after that. Lexa’s hands are everywhere, her mouth, her teeth, and her tongue against Clarke’s throat. Before she knows it, they’re both naked, Clarke’s back against the mattress, with Lexa’s breasts pressing against her own.

Lexa keeps kissing her. It’s desperate and primal and Clarke wants nothing more than to get lost in it.

Now that’s she’s seen Lexa fight, there’s an added thrill in having those same powerful hands touch her body. After knowing what Lexa is capable of, witnessing the sheer strength within the Alpha, having the same hands palming her breasts is making Clarke crazy.

One of those hands moves to Clarke’s pussy. Clarke moans involuntarily, thrusting her hips at Lexa’s hand.  

Lexa moves her mouth to Clarke’s pulse point, while her thumb starts massaging Clarke’s clit, and the omega throws back her head, biting her lips.

“Look at me, Clarke,” Lexa orders.

Clarke doesn’t even try to deny her. She looks straight into the commander’s eyes as Lexa pushes two fingers inside her.

Clarke groans, and Lexa starts moving her fingers in and out Clarke.

With her free hand, the alpha grabs the back of Clarke’s neck, pulling her in for another kiss.

“More,” Clarke moans against Lexa’s mouth, “ _More_.”

Lexa obliges, sliding another finger inside Clarke, curling them until she hits that sweet spot inside her, and Clarke’s comes undone around the fingers deep inside her pussy.

Lexa breaks the kiss, resting her forehead against Clarke, but she keeps pumping in and out, slowly, letting Clarke ride out the orgasm.

“Lexa,” Clarke manages to say through the aftershocks, “I want you inside.”

She _needs_ Lexa inside her, she needs to feel how real she is. How alive she is.

Lexa nods and lifts her body from Clarke. From this position, with her back against the pillows, Clarke can see every detail of Lexa’s body. The sweat of her skin, the abs on her stomach, the muscles on her shoulders.

“Lexa,” Clarke says and is horrified to find it almost sounds like a whine.

Lexa pays her no mind, she is transfixed herself, looking at Clarke.

The way Lexa is looking at her, as if she’s the single most amazing thing in the universe, spreads warmth all over Clarke’s chest.

Still, she can see Lexa stroking her dick, hard and big and ready to impale her, and she can’t wait a second longer.

“Lexa,” she repeats, one of her hands sliding down to her pussy, “please.”

The note of desperation in her voice does the trick. Lexa nods, positions herself in between Clarke’s legs and guides her cock to Clarke’s entrance.

She’s embarrassingly wet, so despite Lexa’s size, she should’ve gone in without much difficulty. Instead, Clarke grimaces at a small stab of pain.

Lexa freezes, “Are you ok?”

Clarke resists the urge to roll her eyes. It was barely even a wince.

“I’m fine,” she says, “just a little sore. My heat was the first time I’ve ever been knotted and you’re -”

She notices Lexa smile smugly and clamps her mouth shut, refusing to give the alpha the satisfaction of hearing that she’s too big.

“Just,” she says, exasperated, “go slow, ok?”

Lexa nods. She moves one of her right hand to Clarke’s clit, stroking it gently while pushing slowly inside the omega.

Clarke regrets asking Lexa to go slow almost instantly. She’d taken a little soreness any day of the week before this. Lexa pushing inside her a millimeter at a time, spreading her so slowly it’s practically torture.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Lexa is completely inside her.

Clarke doesn’t think she’ll ever tire of the feeling, of the sensation of being completely full of her Alpha’s dick, of her cunt stretching to her limit to accommodate Lexa’s girth.

And then Lexa kisses her, feather soft. This time, Clarke lets her, allowing the alpha’s warm, protective presence to drape over her.

Lexa is here. Clarke is here. They’re alive and they’ll manage to get through this.

Clarke loops her arms around Lexa’s neck, and her legs around Lexa’s waist.

She feels the tension in Lexa’s shoulders as soon as her arms are around the alpha’s new. The commander is probably about to explode from keeping herself together enough not to plow into Clarke with all she’s got.

Clarke breaks the kiss. “You can move now.”

Lexa exhales in relief,  moves her mouth to  suck at Clarke’s pulse point as she starts pumping in and out. Slowly but surely, the sting fades away, leaving only the feeling of being filled by Lexa, of her alpha inside her.

Clarke threads her fingers on Lexa’s hair and sets the cant of her hips to match Lexa’s thrusts.

When she feels Lexa’s tongue trace one of her bite marks, Clarke’s instincts want nothing more that for Lexa to bite her, to leave another lasting impression on Clarke’s body that’ll mark her as Lexa’s, forever.

“Do it,” Clarke says, “bite me.”

Lexa was evidently only waiting for Clarke’s permission, because as soon as she says it, Lexa’s teeth are closed around Clarke’s throat, biting down.

Clarke moans in pain, enjoying the thrill her inner omega feels at submitting to her alpha.

“You can go faster,” Clarke says.

Lexa obliges, setting a deep rhythm that has Clarke on the brink of sanity within minutes. It’s going so deep inside her, so hard, she’s so full of Lexa, it’s overwhelming.

Lexa seems to be going deeper with each thrust, her thighs slapping against Clarke’s ass. Clarke can’t keep track of what’s happening, it's just the feeling of Lexa inside her, filling her to the brim, again again and again, each plunge sending her closer and closer to the edge.

When the orgasm takes over, Clarke exhales loudly and, knowing she might be a little louder than her ego can take, grabs Lexa’s face and kisses her roughly as the Alpha keeps thrusting in and out, making her body tremble with aftershocks.

Lexa lets her ride out her orgasm, and then, starts pushing forward.

Clarke feels Lexa’s knot start stretching her entrance. Lexa is thrusting, hard, trying to get her knot inside Clarke's unyielding entrance.

Clarke hisses, and puts a hand Lexa’s shoulder, “Wait.”

It takes Lexa a second to react, but when she registers what Clarke's said, she stops thrusting immediately, looking panicked.

“Are you ok?” she asks, “do you want me to -”

Clarke feels Lexa start to pull out before she asks, and tightens her legs grip on Lexa’s waist. Trapping the alpha in place.

“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Clarke says, “just - give a me second. The knot - it's not as easy when I’m not in heat.”

Lexa nods. Her eyes are a little unfocused and Clarke can see the tension in her shoulders - she's probably close to exploding.

“We don't have to - not if you don’t want to.”

Clarke knows. She knows that alphas want to knot omegas any chance they get, but it's not as common outside the heat . Without the hormones, it's just not as easy.

“I want to,” Clarke replies.

It’s not like she plans on getting knotted each and every time they have sex - _just most of the times_ , a voice inside her whispers- but right now, there's no force on earth that could prevent her from getting Lexa’s knot inside her

Lexa exhales in relief. “Ok,” she says, “Ok - just tell me what I need to do.”

It strikes Clarke that for all her alpha bravado, Lexa is probably as inexperienced at this as she is. The thought makes her heart constrict painfully inside her chest.

“Go slow,” Clarke explains, “and don't try to push the whole thing inside at once, that won't work outside my heat.”

“Ok,” Lexa says, “yes.”

 _And kiss me_ ,  Clarke thinks, but she doesn't say it. Instead, she does the next best thing. She loops her arms around Lexa’s neck again, and lifts her mouth to meet the alpha’s.

Lexa goes back to thrusting, gentler now, while she kisses Clarke.

Its tender and desperate and joyous, all at once. Even if Lexa’s knot wasn't pushing inside her, gentle thrust after gentle thrust, threatening to overwhelm her, the feeling of Lexa’s kiss and Lexa’s beating heat against her chest would still take her breath away.

She can't help but gasp when something finally gives in, and Lexa’s knot pushes inside her.

“Oh, god,” she whimpers.

She’s so full, so completely stretched around Lexa’s knot. She won't ever get used to this feeling,  the feeling of Lexa filling her up like this, of being tied completely with her.

Lexa gasps, too, and a cross between a growl and a groan comes from her lips.

And then she's coming, shooting inside Clarke, shuddering against her.

The alpha keeps thrusting shallowly for a few minutes, each tiny plunge sending sparks of pleasure up Clarke’s spine and more of the alpha’s cum to her womb.

Finally, Lexa thrusts in one last time and she's done.

She plants a kiss on the bite mark on Clarke’s shoulder - it's so soft, and the gesture so intimate Clarke's heart skips a beat.

Somehow, Lexa manages to roll them over, so that they are both laying on their sides, face to face.

The alpha brushes her nose against Clarke. “I’m sorry about today,” Lexa says, “but it needed to be done.”

_Not this again._

“Lexa,” Clarke warns.

“But you need to know that even in the event of my death,” Lexa continues, “I promise you, you’re people will be taken care of, and -”

“Lexa!”

Lexa shuts her mouth obediently, her eyes wide. Have they always been this green?

“Do you ever talk about anything besides your death?” Clarke asks.

Lexa’s answer is the tiniest of smiles.

The way she averts her eyes and blushes, embarrassed, even when she’s still buried to the hilt inside Clarke, even when Clarke’s belly is full of her seed, it's so endearing Clarke doesn't even try to keep the smile from her face, this time.

  
Lexa’s answering smile could probably light up half of Polis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow did that get away from me, or what?
> 
> thank you for reading :)
> 
> 1\. Comments are always immensely appreciated. Even if it's just to say 'u filthy filthy girl' or 'you promised me porn, what are these disgusting feelings? i don't want them, take them back'.  
> 2.This story might -eventually- find it’s own narrative, or it might just continue as porny interludes to some episodes. Either way I'm open to any and all depraved things you'd like to see. If it doesn't work for this story, I’m always a slut for one-shots. Seriously guys, do your worst.  
> 3\. if any of you is available for reading over this crap before I post it, hit me up, I’m the absolute worst when it comes to editing as you can probably tell, and I’d appreciate someone going over this mess before I post it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> re-uploading chapter 3 that got deleted by mistake - sorry!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **i wanted to edit the chapter and instead deleted it. i'm re-uploading it - those of you who left comments on the last one are totally welcome to re-comment <3 SORRY about spamming your inbox!**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> a/n ladies, gentlemen and nobility of other genders,
> 
> so - canon was a whole load of bullshit eh? the subject has been (justifiably) talked to death on tumblr and twitter and basically everywhere, so i won’t add to that here. i just wanted to said i’m super super sorry about the delay but as you might imagine, it was not easy for me to get back into the headspace to write this.
> 
> in addition, since i’m not really planning to follow the show anymore (obviously) i needed to find some direction for this to go and rewrite a bunch of it. that led to a whole lot of angst (and some porn, naturally). don’t worry, you’ll get babies and fluff. so much fluff you’ll probably want the angst back. but first these two needed to work through some stuff.
> 
> as always - i was blown away by the response to the story, i love you all to death.
> 
> last, but not least: a huge huge thanks to my newly acquired beta reader **JPuzzle** for reading over this, making it approximately 100% better and listening to me ramble about all my lame headcanons. you're a treasure!

The light filtering through the curtains in Lexa’s balcony casts short shadows, covering the room in a light glow and Clarke sighs as she realizes there’s no hope they will be done before lunch time.

She rubs the sides of her temples and forces herself to focus on the discussion. The meeting is still going nowhere, fast, and it’s all thanks to Titus, and a couple of Lexa’s generals Clarke does not recognize but already dislikes. They seem intent on refusing to listen to reason, arguing the same points over and over again.

“If what ambassador Kane says it’s true, Skaikru have proven untrustworthy.” the General says, for the hundredth time. “Again.”

He’s looking straight at her, and Clarke could scream.  _ They  _ are the ones that have proven untrustworthy? 

She narrows her eyes back at him and he snarls in response, throwing his hands in the air. He turns to Lexa, purple from rage.

“We  _ cannot  _ trust them Heda!”

He’s a big, burly man, with has a hard, scarred face and a bushy beard. A black tattoo covers half his face. He’s snarling and posturing, trying to prove his point by sheer force of pheromones, as some Alphas like to do. 

Clarke reigns in the urge to roll her eyes. If she were alone in the room with him, her Omega might react. Two weeks ago, it might even have reacted with other people present.  Now that she’s mated to an Alpha, thought, with Lexa’s scent all over her, she barely feels him.  His puffed out chest and flaying arms seem kind of pathetic compared to Lexa’s quiet, powerful dominance.

“If what ambassador Kane was informed of is true,” Lexa interrupts, “we will know once he reaches Arkadia with the Queen’s body.”

Clarke worries the inside of her bottom lip. The news from Arkadia have been troubling. Apparently, Pike is calling for dissolution of the coalition, and has managed to rally considerable support, even with her mom steadfast refusal to call for an election without Kane’s presence in Arkadia.

Still, even if her mom manages to buy them time, there’s no much they can do to stop Pike. Not if the people of Arkadia support him.

If the people in Arkadia give him support to end the peace that has cost Clarke so dearly. The peace that hundreds have died for. The peace she mated Lexa for.

Clarke feels a headache coming in. If it weren’t for her friends and family back at Arkadia, she might actually agree with the General. They could just storm the damn camp and be done with it.

“But Heda,” the Alpha insists.

“Enough.” Lexa says. “I will hear no more about this. We will not attack a clan under my protection on hearsay.”

The General squirms under Lexa’s glare. “Yes, Heda.”

“Anything else we know?” Titus asks, in a transparent effort to diffuse the tension that has taken ahold of the room.

Clarke shakes her head. “That’s all that Kane’s told us.”

As soon as the worlds leave her mouth, the air tenses again. Clarke’s eyes flicker to the Ice Nation’s ambassador, whose own eyes are wide in surprise. Beside him, Titus is shooting daggers at her.

_ Oh _ . 

The question was addressed at Lexa. The question was addressed at the Commander, and her Omega mate talked over her. 

She’s in the process of lowering her eyes to the floor and tucking her chin in when she realises what she’s doing. She forces herself to stop. Titus, the ambassador and Lexa’s entire army can go float themselves for all Clarke cares.

Titus’ stare turns cold, making her skin crawl. Clarke tilts her chin upwards and squares her jaw, all the same. 

Lexa, for her part, pretends not to notice.

“Commander,” Titus begins, “do you believe it’s appropriate - ”

The barest hint of a raised hand from Lexa makes Titus clamp his mouth shut. Beside him, both the ambassador and the Generals stand a little straighter.

Clarke’s Omega  _ preens _ at the sight of her mate commanding obedience with a flick of her wrist. She hates it, but her muscles tighten as hot desire shoots through her.

From a flick of Lexa’s  _ wrist _ . God.

“As I said, we’ll know more once the ambassador reaches Arkadia.” Lexa says. “I’ll hear no more about this.”

Titus nods, but his glare tells Clarke that he doesn’t consider the topic closed. 

“But do you believe this Pike of the Sky People could be a threat,  _ Heda _ ?” Titus asks. 

The emphasis on  _ Heda _ is not lost to Clarke. She bites the inside of her cheek, but keeps her mouth shut. There’s no need to antagonize Lexa’s advisors on purpose, on top of everything else. No matter how much she might want to.

“Let’s hope not.” Lexa answers. “I’ve asked Indra to stay within the borders of Arkadia to keep an eye on them.”

Lexa directs her attention to the bulky General with the face tattoo. 

“General Mikel, you and your Lieutenant are to march here.” Lexa points to a village near Arkadia. “Do not engage. But be ready in case you receive word from Indra that you’re needed.”

That settles the issue. The General and his Lieutenant bow to Lexa and march out of the room, seemingly in a rush after having wasted all morning being stubborn. 

They do have time to spare one last look of distaste in Clarke’s direction, though.

Once they’re out of the room, Titus clears his throat. “We need to discuss the matter of the Ice Nation.” 

The Ice Nation, whose Queen got her chest pierced by Lexa’s spear, has apparently already forgotten about the whole issue and has sent a new ambassador. A new ambassador who’s all smiles and deference and rubs Clarke in exactly the wrong way.

“King Roan,” Titus continues, “has completely removed his armies and sends ambassador...”

The man in question takes a step forward and bows. “Oran.” he supplies. “At your service, Heda.”

Lexa’s face betrays hardly nothing, but Clarke notices the barest twitch of her upper slip, containing a snarl. Apparently ending Queen Nia’s fight was not enough to dispel Lexa’s animosity.

“Welcome, Ambassador Oran.” the Commander finally manages.

“Heda,” he bows again, lower this time, “congratulations on your victory.”

As he raises his head, his eyes catch Clarke’s and he smiles. 

“And congratulations on your mating to  _ Clarke kom Skaikru _ .” he adds.

This time, Lexa’s lip does curl in distaste and when she speaks next, it’s with barely restrained fury. 

“Thank you, ambassador.”

“King Roan also wishes to extend and invitation to his coronation ceremony,” he continues, “for you and your mate. He -”  

The ambassador suddenly falters. Clarke turns her attention to Lexa, who has gone back to her map as it’s clearly no longer listening to him.

The man moves his weight from one foot to another, waiting for an answer. When it’s evident that the Commander has no interest in continuing the conversation, he coughs awkwardly.

Lexa raises her eyes without moving at all. It sends shivers down Clarke’s spine.

Judging by the look on his face, it sends shivers down the ambassador's spine, too. Probably for entirely different reasons. She hopes.

“Anything else?” Lexa asks.

The ambassador gets the hint. He bows deeply to Lexa and says: “Thank you for your time, Heda.”

Once they hear the sound of the door closing, Titus turns his attention back to Lexa.

His eyes finds Clarke’s for a second before he speaks. “Will you be available for the afternoon training with the nightbloods, Heda?”

Lexa nods absentmindedly. “Yes, of course.”

“Good.” Titus bows to her and, after one last glare in Clarke’s direction, turns around and marches out of the room.

Clarke exhales, feeling the tension drain from her shoulders. The peaceful, warm feeling that spreads inside her chest as soon as she’s alone with Lexa doesn’t surprise her nearly as much as it probably should.

It’s not like things are exactly good between them. They still haven’t talked about anything, at all, besides politics and war. Sometimes, Clarke will look at Lexa and her chest will still constrict in white-hot rage despite the mating, the fight and everything that’s happened since the mountain. Or maybe it’s because of everything that’s happened since the mountain.

Still, when there’s just the two of them, even if Clarke's brain refuses to stop, her body instantly relaxes, recognizing her mate’s protective scent.

Clarke hadn’t really anticipated how deep the bond would go. She’d been taught, of course, about mating bonds back in the Ark. About what they meant, how important they were and how she should wait to enter into one until she was absolutely sure it was what she wanted.

Nobody told her it would feel as if her Omega is another person living inside of her. Someone she cannot control and doesn’t understand. Someone who feels a constant pull towards Lexa, wanting her closer, in every possible sense of the word. Nobody told her that fighting it would leave her exhausted, constantly battling against a humming on the back of her mind. Nobody told the bond would manifest as flashes of piercing need that anything can set off: a smile, a frown, the way Lexa folds her arms behind the small of her back.

Then again, Clarke supposes she was expected to enter into a mating bond with somebody she actually loved, if she entered one at all. Somebody whose closeness she wouldn’t have to fight all the damn time.

She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

It’s not that bad, really. Despite everything else, despite the hurt and betrayal and the politics, at least they understand each other. At least they’re trying to build a future for their people, even if they have to do it together. 

And some days, when she wakes up inevitably tangled in Lexa’s arms and she’s still half asleep, for one moment she almost forgets who she is. For a minute, she forgets about Wanheda and Heda and what they’ve done. Then, it’s just her, waking up engulfed in  _ her _ Alpha’s scent, Lexa’s arms wrapped around her waist possessively. In those moments, she’s as happy as she ever remembers being.

Of course, reality comes crashing back soon after. But it’s something. 

Clarke fixes her eyes on Lexa, who’s still shuffling through the papers in front of her. She’s wearing casual clothing, a simple pair of breeches and a shirt and looks exhausted. After the fight, the Commander has  barely had a second to breathe, and it shows on the bags under her eyes, the paleness on her skin and her stiff posture.

Clarke is still so painfully attracted to her.

They understand each other, and they want each other. That can be enough. It has to be. Anything beyond that...Clarke can’t even bring herself to think about it.

Lexa notices her stare and raises her eyes to Clarke. She claps her hands together behind her back.

“What do  _ you _ think about Pike, Clarke?” she asks.

Clarke honestly has no idea. “I don’t know, I haven’t been in Arkadia in a while.”

Lexa nods. “Do you trust your mother and Kane will be able to contain the situation?”

Clarke feels pretty awful, but the real answer is that she doesn't. “Yes, I do.” she lies.

Lexa gives her a calculating look and tilts her head, studying her.

“You wish it were you instead,” she finally says, “going to Arkadia.”

What does it matter what Clarke wants? Arkadia is not the place for her anymore. 

“It doesn't matter what I want.” She replies, “They’ll manage.”

They have to. 

Lexa holds her gaze for a long moment and then barely inclines her head in acceptance.

“Come here,” she says, nodding to the papers on the table.

Clarke goes to stand next to Lexa. She’s close enough that she notices the way the Alpha’s eyes dart to her cleavage and the tendons on her neck constrict. The commander’s neck even reddens the slightest bit. 

When Lexa notices Clarke’s eyes on her, she immediately shifts her eyes to stare at the map as if she’s never seen anything quite like it before. 

Clarke bites her lip to keep from smirking. Seems like she’s not the only one being betrayed by her instincts. 

She’s not even sure where these clothes came from, really. They just appeared on her side of the room, perfectly folded and ready to use. They are soft and well made, so she didn't question it, but it does seem that the tailor has a penchant for low cut shirts. 

Seems like Lexa has noticed, too.

“You wanted to show me something?” 

The redness on Lexa’s neck creeps up to her ears. She clears her throat and gestures vaguely at the map in front of her. “Yes. I thought we could discuss future trade routes.”

Trade routes, that’s good. Clarke can deal with trade routes. 

“Ok,” Clarke says, “show me.”

*

They spend the remainder of the morning discussing Lexa’s plans for trade routes and Clarke feels terribly out of her depth. 

She’s knows she was good leader, and she’s smart, but she hasn’t got the slightest idea about Grounder economics or what a trade treaty would even look like (or why would she be involved at all, since her mother is the chancellor and Kane the ambassador), but thankfully Lexa doesn’t seem to mind.

Clarke keeps asking what must be the most inane of questions, but the Alpha is patient and surprisingly didactic. She seems more interested in teaching Clarke, and learning from Clarke about the people she now commands, than anything else.

So Clarke asks question after question, and Lexa asks her own. Lexa explains what the main produce of each part of the coalition is, and how trade could benefit each.  Clarke, in turn, explains what the Skaikru can do and what they can't, and how they could improve life for the villages surrounding them.

Lexa is particularly fond of the idea of Skaikru doctors training healers on modern medicine and Clarke is suddenly tickled by the idea of her mother and Jackson forced to teach a bunch of grounders with to boil rags before using them.

She surprises herself by chuckling at the idea.

Lexa looks up at the sound and her mouth quirks up the tiniest bit, some of the exhaustion fading from her eyes. 

Something constricts in Clarke’s chest. For a moment, it was like nothing had happened. Like they were back at Lexa’s tent in the forest, planning on taking down the mountain, together. 

It’s a weird feeling, contentment and sadness rolled into one. Beneath it, to make it all worse, there’s the pull that creeps onto her whenever she relaxes enough to let it. The tightness beneath her ribs, demanding her to be closer, telling her that maybe it wouldn’t actually be that bad to open up completely. That it wouldn’t be so bad to let Lexa back in. That’s that is the way things are supposed to be, after all.

“Come in.” Lexa says.

Clarke blinks. Someone’s at the door?

She looks down and notices she's practically glued to Lexa’s side. She shuffles awkwardly to put some distance between them. 

A young man carrying a tray with a pile of letter crosses the door, walking with short, nervous steps. He’s probably around Clarke's own age, lean and with a kind face. Definitely an Omega, she senses. 

He stops in front of the table and bows to Lexa. He looks at Clarke, hesitates for a second and then bows as well.

He places the trail on the table, carefully. The letters are neatly separated into two piles.

“ _ Heda _ ,” he says, “Titus instructed me to tell you that only the ones on the left are urgent.” He smiles, the tips of his ears red. “I think I’ve managed to keep them well separated, this time.”

The way he jokes and smiles, as if he and Lexa are on friendly terms, makes Clarke want to scoot closer to Lexa. For no particular reason.

Lexa smiles kindly at the boy. “Thank you, Nemir.”

The Omega boy blushes scarlet and his smile practically reaches his ears. 

That is, until he sees Clarke’s expression. 

“Yes. Thank you,  _ Nemir _ .” Clarke says pointedly.  

His eyes get as wide as saucers. He stammers out a pleasantry and scampers out of the room as if Clarke had put a knife at his throat.

Lexa seems oblivious to the whole exchange, already opening a letter from the ‘important’ pile.

Her eyes scan it quickly, moving side to side and narrowing further with each line.

When she’s finished, she growls in annoyance and, without saying anything else, handles the letter to Clarke.

Clarke has to remind herself that her heart really shouldn't flutter at each stupid kindness Lexa shows her. 

The English is bad, and the spelling atrocious, but Clarke gets the gist of it. It’s an entire letter about nothing but the leader of the Broadleaf clan complaining about Lexa mating Clarke. How could she do this, when he repeatedly offered several Omegas much better suited for her? How could she mate to a new and unproven, Clan? Do his offers mean so little to the Commander?

Clarke glares at the letter.  _ Better suited.  _ Her inner Omega bristles.   _ No one _ is better suited for her Alpha than her. No one. No one can touch her like Clarke can. No one can take her knot like Clarke can. No one can give her the pups that Clarke can. Lexa is  _ her _ mate. Hers.

“You should meet his Omega sons,” Lexa says, pulling Clarke from her thoughts. “they are probably as big as my warhorse.”

She pauses, opening the next letter on the pile.

“And maybe  _ half _ as smart.”

Clarke snorts before she can catch herself. Lexa gives her a tiny lopsided smile, her eyes shining with amusement.

Clarke doesn't feel anything. At all. 

Another knock on the door interrupts them and Lexa quickly averts her eyes. 

“Come in,” she says, again.

Has it even been five minutes since the boy came in? 

This time is a young girl who walks in, maybe a year or two younger than Clarke. Her eyes narrows when the girl is close enough for Clarke to smell her. Another Omega?

Lexa greets her distractedly, but not unkindly, focused on reading the letter in her hands.

The girl tilts her head, blushing.  She’s playing with the hem of her shirt and is obviously star-struck, all bashful eyes and lower lip between her teeth and Clarke is _ right there. _

Clarke shuffles closer still to the Commander, close enough that their hips are touching.

“Yes?” Clarke asks the Omega.

“Oh,” the girl says, her blush deepening, “I, uh - Titus asked me to tell Heda that Bren sprained his wrist in morning training.”

Clarke honestly doesn't see what’s so urgent about a sprained wrist that justifies interrupting Lexa’s work.

Lexa nods. “Thank you…” she trails of, evidently forgetting the girl’s name. Clarke unclenches her hands at the lack of familiarity. That’s better. 

“Tria,” the girl supplies, averting her eyes as soon as she meets Lexa’s gaze. 

Clarke clenches her jaw. Is this how Titus would like her to behave?

Lexa smiles warmly at the girl. “Thank you, Tria. Tell Titus I’ll check on Bren when I’m finished here.” 

The girl nods and leaves without another word. Even if Lexa pays no attention to the way her hips sway as she leaves the room, Clarke surely does.

Clarke takes a deep breath, forcing her Omega to calm the fuck down. It’s just girl bringing news, she’s just a young girl in awe of the Commander. She’s not trying to steal her mate.

Lexa continues reading the letters studiously and them passing them for Clarke to read. Clarke feels herself relaxing again. Most of the letters are trivial things: congratulating Lexa on her union - wishing for many pups, asking for help with disturbances or rebels, but Clarke can’t help the smile that settles on her face after a few minutes. She feels useful, offering advice here and there, having Lexa listen to it.

Before she knows it, she surprised herself by realising that she’s actually enjoying herself. 

That is, until  _ another _ Omega knocks on Lexa’s door.

This time is not a girl or a boy, it is a woman. She’s definitely all grown up, maybe a few years older than Lexa, and not a hint of nervousness around her.

She’s carrying a tray of food, which looks absolutely mouthwatering, if Clarke is honest with herself. She settles it on the table. 

The woman smiles to Lexa, showing her teeth. “Heda, Titus informs me that you seem to have forgotten lunch, again.”

Lexa purses her lips. “Titus seems very active today.”

The woman actually rolls her eyes. At the Commander of Blood. At the leader of the thirteen clans.

At Clarke’s  _ mate _ .

The Omega puts one hand on her hip. “He’s only looking out for you, Heda. You always used to forget to eat when you were a nightblood under his tutelage.”

Clarke hears the sound of paper crumpling and realizes she’s crushed a letter in her fist. Seems like Lexa and this woman go way back. 

“I’m  _ not _ a nightblood anymore.” Lexa says through clenched teeth. “Tell Titus I can remember my own meals.”

The woman falters a bit at Lexa’s angry expression and clipped words, tilting her head so that her neck is clearly visible. “I’m sorry, Heda.”

Lexa sighs. “Leave us.”

When the Omega leaves, Clarke has had enough. She follows her to the door and marches towards one of Lexa’s guards.

“The Commander wishes not to be disturbed by  _ anyone _ .” She commands, trying to sound as if the order actually came from Lexa.

The guards don’t question her. They nod obediently, and close the doors of the throne room behind her. Lexa is engrossed in a letter and Clarke seizes the opportunity to adjust her cleavage.

When she’s back at the war table, Lexa eyes her curiously. 

“Is something the matter?”

She opens her mouth to deny anything is wrong, but the words come out of her mouth before she has the sense to stop them.

“Do you only have Omegas working for you?” she asks.

_ Do you like them fawning over you? Is this the way you boost your ego? Is that what you expect of me? _

Lexa frowns. “What?” 

Clarke crossed her arms. “Those girls and the boy,” Clarke suddenly remembers the handmaidens were also suddenly replaced, “the handmaidens, all Omegas.”

Lexa frowns deepens for a moment, and then her eyes spark in realization. “Oh, that was probably Titus’ idea.”

Why is Clarke not surprised? “Titus?” 

“Yes,” Lexa nods. “We’ve just mated, and it’s close to my rut. Ambassadors and Generals can’t be helped, but I suppose he thought that dismissing all the Alphas from my service for a few weeks would be a good idea.”

Clarke hates that it makes some sense. She’s seen Lexa let out her Alpha out to play and God knows how she’ll react to some Alpha showing any interest in Clarke now that she’s knotted her.

The image immediately flashes in her mind: Lexa, angry and snarling, her fists red and bruised as she beats another Alpha to submission for daring to lay a hand on Clarke. The room grows uncomfortably hot.

Still, it’s bullshit. Now that Lexa’s knotted her and bit her, the smell of the Alpha on Clarke is supposed to repel other Alphas. Meanwhile, Clarke has no such luck. If anything, an Alpha that’s knotted an Omega smells even more enticing to unmated ones.

Fucking biology.

“Well,” Clarke says, “I think you should bring them back. Or use Betas. Add some variety.”

Lexa frowns. “I don’t think it’ll be possible for a while. They probably have been reassigned to other work.”

Clarke steps in between Lexa and the table. She pushes the maps and letters to one side and sits on it, looping her arms behind Lexa’s neck, bringing the Alpha closer, so that she’s in between Clarke’s legs.

God, she’s been fighting doing this all morning. She’s been fighting it ever since the last time they were together, four entire days ago. It feels so good to let go, Clarke could cry.

Lexa’s breath hitches, her whole body going rigid.

“I think,” Clarke drawls, “I should be all the Omega you need.”

Clarke trails her hand from Lexa’s neck, to her collarbone, enjoying the way the mighty Commander trembles under her touch.

“What do you think?” Clarke asks.

Lexa blinks and seems to have some difficulty taking her eyes off from Clarke’s hand, which is slowly making her way downwards.

“Think?” Lexa repeats.

Clarke smirks and tugs at Lexa’s waistband.

She doesn't know what she’s doing. Maybe they should talk about this. Maybe she shouldn’t brushing her hand against the front of Lexa’s pants. But she was almost content before they were interrupted. She was almost happy, and Lexa is her mate and she wants her just as much. What’s so bad about that?

And maybe her head is not quite there yet, but who’s to say she can’t enjoy her instincts, for once?

For the first time since Clarke’s known her, the Commander’s not wearing the tightest pants know to man. Clarke actually manages to slide her hand inside them to cup her length through her underwear, without having to unlace her breeches.

Lexa swallows audibly and moves forward, her mouth latching onto Clarke’s neck.

Oh, Jesus. Clarke’s hand closes around Lexa’s dick at the same time that Lexa sucks at her pulse point. She’s so fucking hard already.

Clarke moves her other hand to Lexa's waist and tugs, she needs her closer.

“You’re so hard,” she murmurs against Lexa’s neck.

Lexa growls. “I’ve been hard since I saw you enter the war room with that shirt.”

Clarke gives Lexa’s dick a soft squeeze. “So, you like the shirt?”

Lexa’s answer is a sharp intake of breath and an affirmative murmur as her tongue traces one of the bite marks on Clarke’s neck.

Clarke reins in the urge to beg Lexa to bite her, to mark her again so that everyone will remember who’s her mate. Instead, she  grabs one of Lexas hands and guides it underneath her shirt, over her breast. 

Lexa takes her mouth away from Clarke’s neck to stare at her shirt covered hand in fascination, squeezing Clarke’s breast. Her eyes are unfocused and her lips parted and Clarke has honestly never been more attracted to another human being in her life.

Then Lexa’s mouth is on hers and stars explode behind Clarke's eyelids. 

As Lexa slips her tongue inside Clarke’s mouth, Clarke slides her hand inside the Alpha’s underwear,  closing her palm around Lexa’s hot, throbbing hard-on.

She moans around Lexa’s tongue. It's so hard, and so ready, Clarke wants nothing more that to have it inside her, exploding into her.

She strokes it up and down as well as she can in the constricted space. Each tug and grasp makes Lexa shudder and growl, and Clarke will never, ever tire of feeling of Lexa’s chest vibrating against her own with each one.

Clarke traces her tongue over Lexa’s bottom lip and sucks. It’s plump and flush and  _ Lexa _ and Clarke can’t help biting down _.   _

They stay like that for a while, kissing while Lexa palms Clarke’s breast and Clarke strokes her cock inside her pants. 

Inevitably, the kiss turns rougher and desperate, Clarke’s teeth clashing against Lexa’s as the Alpha’s hand moves to Clarke’s ass.

The feeling of Lexa’s fingers digging roughly into her flesh makes Clarke whimper in need. The hunger in Lexa’s kiss and her hands on her ass and her tit are making her dizzy so she breaks the kiss, panting. 

She catches Lexa’s eyes. They’re still glassy and unfocused but there’s an unmistakable softness there too. 

Clarke averts her eyes, and moves her mouth to the Alpha’s neck, trailing wet, open mouthed kisses along it.  When Lexa starts to thrust her hips against her hand in response, Clarke stops her ministrations on Lexa’s neck. 

She slowly slips her hand from Lexa’s underwear, taking care to give her one last squeeze. Then, she moves her hand to Lexa’s shoulder and pushes the alpha back, trying to separate Lexa’s mouth from her throat. 

Lexa growls. 

Clarke swallows down a whimper. “Relax, Lexa,” she coos into Lexa’s ear, threading her fingers into her hair. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” 

Lexa exhales, the hot air hitting the wet spots on Clarke’s neck, sending shivers up her spine. 

Finally, the Alpha lets herself be pushed backwards, and Clarke chances another look into her eyes. There’s nothing warm about them anymore. Lexa looks ready to just flip Clarke over and knot her right there against the war table. 

Clarke’s pussy clenches at the thought, and she’s just about ready to lay back on the table and let Lexa do whatever the hell she wants with her.

She clenches her eyes. She has other ideas for today. 

“Shh,” She lowers her eyes and softens her voice, making herself small, trying to get the Alpha inside Lexa to let her guide this. “Let me, ok?”

Lexa’s eyes are fixed on her mouth now. Clarke is not sure the Alpha even understands what she’s is saying, not until she nods stiffly. 

Clarke smiles, and slides off the table. The look Lexa gives her as she gently pushes her backwards by her shoulder, as if it’s taking all she has just to keep from jumping her, does not help Clarke’s resolve. Not one bit. Finally, when Clarke’s pretty sure her panties are ruined beyond any salvation, the back of Lexa’s knees hit her throne. 

Once Lexa is seated, Clarke steps in between the Alpha’s legs. Lexa’s hands immediately get a hold of her hips. She relishes in the feeling  of Lexa grabbing her hard enough to hurt for a few seconds. Before Lexa can drag her to her lap, she drops to her knees. Lexa groans, low and deep, as her hips buckle. Clarke’s tongue tingles as her mouth waters.

She settles in between Lexa’s legs and looks straight into the Alpha’s eyes as she undoes the laces of her pants, one by one. She takes her time, enjoying the sight of Lexa’s arms and face, muscles defined and jaw tensed, mouth half parted in a silent moan. Clarke wants nothing more than for her Alpha to push her whole length inside her, filling her up with her dick.

Later. Now, she has a task to finish. With some difficulty, she manages to undo the last of Lexa’s laces and opens her pants, letting her cock spring free. 

Clarke stomach clenches. She’s never thought she’d recall a cock with such level of detail, but Lexa’s dick is exactly as she remembers. Thick and long, rock hard, a prominent vein that goes all the way from the base to the mushroom head that’s already leaking precum.

As soon as Clarke touches it, Lexa lets out a strangled sound.  A cross between a groan and a whimper that’s way more attractive that it has any right to be.

“Wait,” Lexa she says, “Someone might come in.”

_ Let them _ , Clarke’s Omega thinks, let them come and see Clarke on her knees pleasuring her Alpha. Let them see that Clarke is all the Omega Lexa needs. Let them watch Lexa come undone in her mouth, and let them see that she's taken. That she doesn’t need any other Omegas.

But all she says is: “They won’t.”

Lexa looks like she’d like to protest again, so Clarke wraps her hand around the base of Lexa’s dick. That shuts the Alpha right up. 

Emboldened, Clarke kisses the head of her cock, running her tongue over the precum covered slit. She’s rewarded by Lexa twitching and growling. Clarke continues running her tongue against Lexa’s cock, the taste of it makes her belly tighten in anticipation as warm heat pools in her panties. God, she’s disgusting, she honestly can’t wait for Lexa to come inside her mouth, overflowing it with her seed. She can’t wait to swallow everything Lexa has to give.

Clarke focuses back on her task. She opens her mouth wide and takes Lexa's girth in her mouth, pressing her tongue flat against the underside, trying to get as much as she can inside as she can. Lexa moans and writhes, but otherwise doesn’t attempt to force Clarke to take her deeper. 

Clarke brings her hand up to meet her lips, and starts moving both in tandem up and down. She settles on a nice, slow rhythm that turns the big bad Alpha into a shivering mess. After a few minutes, she takes Lexa’s cock out of her mouth with a satisfying pop. It truly is a sight, long and thick and completely coated in Clarke’s saliva. 

She looks up at Lexa  through her eyelashes. The mix of hunger and desperation in the green eyes is almost enough to make Clarke get on all fours and beg for her knot.

Instead, the Omega runs her tongue, slowly over Lexa’s entire length. When she reaches the head, she goes back into sucking, enjoying the strangled sounds that come out of the Alpha’s mouth. 

She feels Lexa’s hand hovering above her head before she sees Lexa’s arm. She gives the head one last suck and takes Lexa’s dick from her mouth, but doesn’t stop moving her hand up and down.

“You can touch me, you know.” Clarke says.

“I didn’t,” Lexa looks as if the act of talking is physically painful, “I didn’t want to assume.”

“Then don’t,” Clarke says. “I want you to touch me.”

Lexa takes a deep breath and nods. She threads her fingers in Clarke’s hair and guides her gently back to her dick.

She’s not pushing her head down this time but Clarke’s pussy clenches at the slight gesture of dominance all the same. She lets Lexa help her movements as she goes back to sucking in earnest, trying to get as much of Lexa’s cock inside her mouth as she possibly can without choking. 

When her jaw starts to need a rest, she pushes back against Lexa’s hand. The Alpha immediately releases her hold on Clarke’s hair and Clarke whimpers at the loss. 

She takes off her shirt and her bra follows immediately after. She smiles up at Lexa, who is staring at her tits as if she’s never seen a pair before. Clarke’s smile turns into a smirk.

When she places Lexa’s dick in between her breasts and squeezes them together, the smirk grows. She is sure Lexa is about to pass out. 

“So tell me, Commander,” Clarke says as tightens her breasts around Lexa’s dick, “would you rather I swallow everything you have to give -”

She moves her breasts up and down, stroking Lexa’s spit-covered dick. “Or would you like I wear it on my face?”

Lexa’s hips thrust upwards as she groans.

Her hand goes back to gripping the back of Clarke’s head and Clarke lets her guide her movements as she continues to stroke Lexa with her breasts, sucking on the top of Lexa’s dick when it reaches her mouth. 

In the end, when Lexa is twitching which each lick, her fist tight in Clarke’s hair, she pushes her cock deep into Clarke’s willing mouth. And then she’s coming, filling Clarke’s mouth with her warm, sticky seed. Clarke swallows around Lexa's dick as much as she can, trying not to waste a single drop. When she fears she might begin choking on it, Lexa pulls her back and takes her dick out of her mouth. She wraps her hand around it, pumping it roughly a couple of times, sending the last spurts of cum all over Clarke's face and breasts.

*

In what is possibly his worst offense to date, Titus chooses that moment to knock on the door. 

Thankfully, he has enough sense left  _ not _ to let himself in, so Lexa has enough time to shove her dick inside her pants and Clarke manages to clean herself up and recover her shirt.

The image of Clarke, her beautiful face covered with her seed, is enough for Lexa to grow uncomfortably hard again, making the process of lacing her pants back up near impossible.

Clarke arches an eyebrow at her, amused.  “At least  _ you _ managed to get off.” 

Lexa’s breath gets stuck inside her throat. Clarke is smiling. She looks  _ happy _ .

Clarke. Smiling at her.  Smiling after doing that. Lexa’s not sure what’s happening with them and she’s not sure she wants to anymore. But if she can keep Clarke smiling, even for a little while longer. That could be enough.

But she’s already ruined it. Clarke senses the shift in Lexa’s mood, if it is because her face betrays her if it is because Clarke is now keenly aware of the minute fluctuation of Lexa’s pheromones, she couldn’t tell. 

What she can tell is that Clarke's smile dropping feels like a punch in the gut. 

“Hey, no,” Clarke says, placing a hand on her forearm. “we’re just - we’re not doing this now, not with Titus plotting my murder right outside.”

Lexa wants to ask if they’re ever going to but she has no right to ask anything  _ ever _ of Clarke, not after everything. She just swallows whatever she thinks she’s feeling and nods.

Clarke sighs. “Look,” she says, “just, give me some time. Can we forget everything for a little while?”

The sadness coming from the Omega hits her like a brick. Her Alpha howls at the feeling of her mate in distress. She cannot bring herself to avoid putting her hands on Clarke’s hips.

She’s half afraid Clarke is going to bite her head off. Instead, the Omega gives a bone weary sigh and her whole body sags into Lexa, resting her against the Alpha’s shoulder.

“Yes.” she says, and means it. “As long as you want.”

It doesn't matter how long she has to wait. If Clarke asks, she’ll wait.

Painful attraction, painful memories and a war looming over their heads is a losing combination if she’s ever seen one.  But she can wait, she can wait for as long as it takes.

Titus knocking on the door again makes Clarke remove her cheek from Lexa’s shoulder, blinking, as if just realizing what she was doing.

“Titus must be ready to send me back to space right now,” she says, pushing Lexa back with a hand to her chest, creating some distance between them.

Lexa drops her arms to her sides and has to clench her fists to keep from grabbing Clarke’s hips again.

“Titus, come in.”

As soon as Titus crosses the door, he frowns and gives Lexa a disapproving look.  He’s evidently very aware of what was happening in the throne room.

“Heda,” he coughs. “are you ready to see Bren?”

Lexa nods. She turns to say goodbye to Clarke, but the Omega is already gone.

She squares her shoulders. “Lead the way, Titus.”

*

They make slow progress towards the healers room. Titus is walking at a snail's pace, a sure sign that a lecture is incoming. 

Lexa sighs. “Say your piece, Titus.”

Titus looks at her, surprised. Lexa resists the urge to remind him that she’s known him since she was eight years old.

“We need to discuss Clarke,” Titus says.

Lexa had expected this was coming. “No, we don’t. Need I remind you, you were the one to suggest I mate her?”

Titus purses his lips. “Forgive me, Heda. But I suggested that if you were  _ unwilling _ to kill her, mating her could be a compromise.”

“And that’s what I  _ did _ .”

“Of course, Heda,” Titus inclines his head in deference. “but I suggested mating her, not...making her your second in command.” 

Lexa feels her muscles tense. “I have not made Clarke my second in command.”

“She comes to every meeting,” Titus counters, “you let her speak in those meetings. She orders the guards around. You let her read your correspondence.”

Lexa  _ lets _ Clarke speak.  _ Lets _ Clarke read her correspondence.

“And what would you suggest I do, Titus? Keep her under lock and key?”

Titus gives her a look that suggests that’s exactly what she should do. “Of course not,” he says, “I understand that as a newly mated couple some permissiveness is warranted since Clarke -”

Lexa does not like were this is heading.

“Seems to be certainly,” he pauses, as if searching for the right word, “ _ fulfilling _ her duties. But no Alpha should let that cloud their judgement, especially not the Commander.”

She clenches her jaw hard enough to hurt. “Titus,” she manages through clenched teeth, “you’re out of line.”

Titus blinks at her, at a loss. “My apologies, Heda, I didn’t realize -”

Lexa raises her hand to interrupt him. She shuts her eyes and exhales slowly. 

“I don’t want to hear another word about how I should treat  _ my _ mate,” she says, “is that understood?”

Titus looks as if he’d like nothing more than for her to be eight again, so that he can properly scold her. “Yes, Heda. My apologies”

*

The nightblood is perfectly fine. He’s just young, hurt and afraid. 

“It hurts,” he mumbles, cradling his bandaged wrist against his chest.

Lexa studies his face. He’s probably the youngest nightblood in Poli’s care.He can’t be older than seven, missing one of his front teeth. He’s trying to put on a brave front but the unshed tears in his eyes give him away. 

“I know,”  Lexa says, hovering near the doorway.

She tried getting closer but both the healer and the boy shuffled uncomfortably in her presence. After the morning she’s had, she’s having trouble getting her pheromones under control, it seems.

The boy looks up to her, biting his lip to keep from crying. “They said - my  _ nomon _ said she’d visit me, in Polis.”

Lexa wishes parents would not lie to her children. 

“Heda, can she,” he sniffles, “can she come now?”

Lexa shakes her head. “No.”

There’s no use in false hopes and the child’s mother really should have known better. Either this child will become the next Commander or he’ll die at the hands of the next Commander. His mother is never going to see him again.

“Oh,” he says, clutching his bandaged hand closer to his chest. He rubs the palm of his good hand against his eyes, cleaning the tears that have begun to spill. “I’m sorry.”

The Beta caretaker looks about ready to burst out crying herself. Lexa shakes her head slightly, making her stay put, and waits for the boy to calm down.

Lexa chances a step forward. The Beta caretaker flinches, taking a step back. Bren tenses, but he stays perfectly still.

She walks, slowly, to the side of this cot and he looks up with red, puffy eyes.

“What are the three pillars of being Heda, Bren?”

He looks at his hands and recites, automatically: “Wisdom, compassion and strength.”

Lexa nods. “That’s correct.”

She puts a tentative hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Heda needs to be strong.” She explains. “Can you do that?”

He sniffles again and his lower lip quivers, but he doesn’t cry again. He nods.

“Good,” Lexa smiles, “very good, Bren.”

*

When the boy has managed to calm down enough to fall asleep, Lexa turns to the door only to find Clarke leaning against the doorway.

Clarke’s expression is almost a smile. “You were great with him.”

She broke his heart and made him recite the principles of the Commander he’s recited a hundred times before. Lexa hardly thinks that qualifies as great.

“He was in distress.” Lexa says instead. “All I did was calm him down.”

Clarke brushes the back of her hand against her forearm, “And it was great.”

Lexa’s mind immediately jumps to what happened that morning and then, horribly, to Titus’ words. 

_ Some permissiveness is warranted since Clarke is certainly fulfilling her duties.  _

She feels Clarke rub her thumb across her forearm and has to keep herself from flinching. 

Is that what Clarke thinks? Lexa  _ lets _ her speak during the ambassadors meeting so Clarke has to let her knot her after the fight with Roan? Lexa  _ lets  _ Clarke speak to the Generals so Clarke has to get on her knees afterwards?

_ Love is weakness _ , she thinks nonsensically.

How could she be so  _ stupid?  _ How could she actually think that Clarke  _ wanted _ to do it? 

Clarke’s hand on her arm burns. She feels her pants tighten and she wants to retch. This is all her fault. She was too weak to resist Clarke’ heat, she's too weak to resist her now. 

“Lexa,” Clarke says, “are you ok?”

Lexa shakes her head, attempting and failing to regain some semblance of focus. 

“I’m sorry,” she manages. “Everything is fine.”

Clarke’s hold on her arm tightens slightly. “Are you sure?”

Lexa resists the urge to shake her arm off, the urge to sink her fingers into Clarke’s hips and the urge to kiss the Omega’s frown away. 

She swallows and nods, aiming for a bland expression. “Yes, Clarke. Simply a lot on my mind.” 

God help her if Clarke thinks she needs to fulfil her duties some more to make Lexa comfortable. The thought makes her pants tighten some more and she wants to die.

Clarke, being Clarke, doesn’t let go. “Ok,” she says, “anything I can do?” 

Lexa shakes her head. “It’s just the usual politics, Clarke,” she lies. “Nothing you can help with.”

Lexa regrets her words instantly when Clarke’s expression drops. For a second, before she can school her features, she looks almost hurt. 

“Oh,” Clarke says, her hand dropping to her side, “I didn’t mean to  _ intrude _ . I’ll see you at night.”

And with that, before Lexa even has time to react or retract her words or  _ something _ , she’s gone.

Lexa is the Commander of Blood. Leader of the Thirteen clans and she does not let emotions rule her actions. 

All the same, she almost breaks her knuckles against the wall.

*

Clarke walks to her room in considerably lower spirits than she left it.

She slams the door behind her, feeling stupid. It’s not a big deal. Obviously Lexa isn’t going to include her in every single facet of her work as Commander. 

She’s really just annoyed at herself for feeling hurt about it. For letting that morning and the image of Lexa with that boy mean something they clearly didn’t.

She lifts her eyes and realises two things at once: one, her hand has settled over her stomach on instinct and two, Titus is in her room. 

She tenses but wills herself not to react in any visible way. Titus might not like her, might not even stand her apparently but he’d never dare do anything to his Commander’s mate.

Would he?

“Titus,” she says, “what are you doing here?”

He gives her a long look. “I thought we could talk.”

He gestures for her to take a seat. The gesture only adds to her irritation. It’s her room. He should be the one asking for her permission to sit. She takes a deep breath, and seats herself in the couch in front of Titus.

He studies her for a long moment and Clarke holds his gaze, resisting, to her credit, the desire to shout  _ Just get on with it. _

In the end, she can’t take his stupid posturing anymore. She raises one eyebrow. “So,” she says, “what did you want to discuss?”

“I wished to discuss the liberties you’ve taken as the Commander’s mate.” Titus says.

Clarke opens her mouth to reply, but Titus holds up a hand to silence her. The gesture makes her so fucking angry she actually pauses in surprise. 

“Your place is in the Commander’s bed, Wanheda,  _ not _ the Commander’s council.” Titus continues, “I understand it might be different in your clan, but in Polis you must learn to mind your place.”

Clarke is so angry she can barely make out words. “Mind my  _ place _ ?” 

Titus nods, ignoring her rage completely. “I understand you were somewhat of a leader to your people -”

_Were_ _somewhat_ of a leader. Clarke feels her blood boil.

“- and while it’s...expected for Alphas to be more susceptible to Omegas after they’ve first taken their knot, you and the Commander should be more careful.”

Clarke doesn’t even know what to say, she’s so livid.

Titus doesn’t seem to notice. “I don’t believe it's fair for you as a mate to demand special treatment simply for doing your duty.”

Clarke blinks. Is this was he think has been happening? That Clarke has been keeping Lexa so satisfied as a good little Omega that the Commander is letting her, what? Out of her leash?

“Once you have her first litter,” Titus continues, still either completely oblivious or deftly ignoring Clarke’s expression, “she should calm down before her the next one. But for now, is my duty to remind you  _ both _ of your place.”

Clarke has never felt so humiliated in her entire life. “You’ve spoken to Lexa about this?”

Titus shakes her head. “The Commander is aware of her duties and her place, _ Clarke kom Skaikru _ . She’s simply a young Alpha with her first mate. She only needed a reminder on controlling her leniency.” 

Controlling her  _ leniency _ .

“Get out,” Clarke says, her voice sounding foreign to her ears. “ _ Get. Out. _ ”

Titus gets up and walks to the door. “Try to heed my advice, Wanheda.”

“ _ Out. _ ”

*

That night, Clarke regrets declining Lexa’s offer of sleeping in separate beds. The air is so tense, she could cut it with a knife but she’s just too damn angry and humiliated to even say anything.

Instead, they get ready for bed in absolute silence, avoiding each other's eyes. 

It’s awful, and Clarke hates it and she could fucking murder Lexa.

She didn’t need to play games. She didn’t need to make Clarke believe there was a place for her at Polis. She didn’t need to let Clarke believe that underneath the attraction and the bond and the instincts there was understanding. 

But how else was she going to get her plaything to suck her dick on the throne room?

God, Clarke had actually wanted to do it. Was happy to do it. How fucking grand that must have been for Lexa having Clarke think that she actually regretted what happened the night of the bonding, having Clarke actually believe they could build something. Even after the mountain, Clarke let herself  _ believe _ .

Joke’s on her. Again. Because Lexa was only playing her.

So what if Lexa has a mark on her shoulder? Lexa has bitten Clarke again and again. Her scars are red and angry against her skin, claiming her as the Commander’s for all to see while  Lexa’s mark is already fading and always hidden under her clothes. 

It was only ever a stupid game and Clarke let herself be played by Lexa like a stupid little Omega on her first heat.

She shuffles on the bed, staring daggers at the wall.

She really was monumentally stupid to let herself believe that this could ever become anything. Two weeks surrounded by Lexa’s pheromones, a couple of stupid, inconsequential gestures and she managed to convince herself she and Lexa were building a partnership.

She wants to laugh. A  _ partnership _ . Lexa was just indulging the whims of her little Omega wife so she’d warm her bed at night.

Clarke wonders if she should feel sadder. As it is, she’s just so angry she can’t feel anything else. She hopes the rage filling her chest never fades.

_ Fine _ , she decides. If that’s the way this is, that’s fine. Clarke can deal.

She recalls their earlier conversation about trade routes and decides to test Titus’ theory. She  _ needs _ to be on those conversations when the trade routes are actually decided. She can’t let Lexa and Kane decide for her people without her there.

If being with her is what’s needed for Lexa to continue including her in the decisions, even if only until she tires of her, Clarke can do it. She can warm Lexa’s bed and help her people. 

She braces herself for one second and then rolls to her side, facing Lexa on the bed. The Alpha opens her eyes, slowly. Evidently she wasn’t sleeping either.

Clarke grabs her by the back of her head and kisses her.

For the first few moments, it’s like kissing a statue and Clarke doesn’t understand why. She traces Lexa’s stiff lip with the tip of her tongue. That makes Lexa react, her mouth moving  against Clarke’s.

About time, Clarke thinks. She releases the back of Lexa’s neck and moves her hand down. She’s  _ not _ in the mood for foreplay, so she just shoves it roughly inside Lexa’s shorts. 

Lexa’s mouth freezes. 

Before Clarke has time to do anything besides cup Lexa, the Alpha’s slender fingers close around her wrist.

“Wait.” Lexa gasps. “Wait, stop.”

Clarke pays her no mind. The Commander is hard and ready, what should they wait for? She gives Lexa’s neck a wet, open mouthed kiss. “Do you want me to stop? Really?”

Clarke smiles humorlessly when she feels the Commander’s grip on her wrists soften. Seems like Titus was right, Lexa really should learn to control her  _ leniency _ .

Clarke rakes her nails across Lexa’s forearm and Lexa inhales sharply. 

“Clarke,” she warns, “stop.”

The tone is sharp, commanding and Clarke wants to retch at the wet heat spreading between her legs. She’s never hated her own biology as much as she hates it right now.

She clenches her eyes and forces her mouth back onto the Commander’s neck and her hand to start moving. So Lexa wants a bed warmer? She will have it.

“C’mon Commander,” she whispers, her voice sounding all wrong to her ears, “you’re hard and ready. Let me fulfil my  _ duty _ .”

Something makes Lexa tense as a bowstring. Suddenly, the Alpha growls, removes Clarke’s hand from her shorts and jumps from the bed as if it was on fire.

Something akin to despair fills Clarke’s chest. Her mate rejected her. And then a wave of anger just as fierce replaces it. 

She feels something inside her just  _ break _ .

“What the  _ fuck _ is your problem, Lexa?”

Lexa is standing in the middle of the room, erection painfully visible under the thin material of her shorts. Her shirt is sticking to her body, her eyes are clenched shut and her hands are balled into fists so tight that her arms are trembling.

“Whatever,” Lexa says, and then stops to take a shaky breath. “Whatever you want, you can have it.”

_ How fucking generous of you, Lexa _ , Clarke thinks.

“You can have it, Clarke.” The Alpha sounds close to tears now. “You don’t have to do anything. I will give it to you.”

Clarke feels her anger rise up in her chest, hard, bright and red hot, enough to silence any other feelings. She jumps from the bed and walks until she’s standing right in Lexa’s space. 

“I don’t have to?” She snarls, _ “I don’t have to?” _

Lexa opens her mouth to speak, but Clarke doesn’t let her. Can’t let her.

“You,” Clarke pushes against Lexa’s shoulder, “you  _ demanded  _ I submit to you. You knotted me. You claimed me. You  _ bred _ me, Lexa.”

Clarke can see that Lexa is flinching with every word out that comes out her mouth but she doesn’t  _ care.  _ Not even if part of her just wants to drop to her knees and beg for Lexa to forgive her, to want her. 

She hates her biology. She hates Lexa and Titus and herself all over again.

“And now, now you decide I don’t  _ have _ to?”

Lexa doesn’t answer, she just looks at Clarke with wide, sad eyes and takes it. It only makes Clarke angrier. She can’t think straight. All she feels is the rage threatening to choke her and the despair of her inner Omega. She can hardly breathe.

“You  _ did this _ ,” she spats, “you  _ wanted this. _ ”

Another shove. It’s like shoving a fucking wall. “Say something!”

She's punching Lexa’s shoulders now and still Lexa doesn’t budge. “Say something.”

“Say - fuck.” She chokes back a sob.  The tears start pouring out and there’s no way to stop the sobs from wracking over her body. 

She feels Lexa wrap her arms around her and her skin crawls, but she’s too fucking tired to stop her. “Say something.”

And then her legs give out and she’s on the floor. Despite everything, when Lexa falls right alongside her, Clarke clings to her for dear life.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa says, a mix of a whisper and a sob against Clarke’s hair, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Over and over and over again, like a mantra. 

Clarke feels the anger drain away from her body, turning into a sadness: cold, dark and empty. She just wants this to end. She’s sad, her Omega is too and Lexa’s own sadness prickles her skin. 

Lexa cradles Clarke’s head against her chest and Clarke lets her.

“We’ll annul it.” Lexa says. “We’ll annul it. We’ll find a way. We’ll get - your healers will help you, and we’ll get through it.”

Clarke blinks through her tears. “What?”

“The union,” Lexa explains, her chest rumbling with each word against Clarke’s tear streaked cheek, “We’ll annul it.  You’ll go back to Arkadia.”

Clarke feels her heart twist inside her chest. She hates how small and frail she feels, but she’s too tired to fight her Omega when she asks: “You want to send me to Arkadia?”

If she returns now, without Lexa’s support and with Pike running amok on Arkadia - it was all for nothing. Lexa’s Generals will win and they’ll be at war again.

“No.” Lexa replies, “No I - I thought you may want.”

Clarke doesn't reply, instead pressing her cheek harder against Lexa’s shoulder. 

“What I want,” she breathes in Lexa’s scent, “is for you to stop pretending.”

Lexa’s hand moves to her hair, threading her fingers into it. “I have not been pretending, Clarke.”

Clarke removes her head from Lexa’s shoulder to look her in the eye. Her breath catches in her throat, Lexa’s face is streaked with tears.

Clarke swallows around the lump in her throat. “Just,” she says, “Please. Stop pretending this is something it’s not, Lexa.”

She can’t bear the look Lexa gives her, so she settles her head back on Lexa’s shoulder. “I’ll be your mate. I’ll - I’ll do my duty, I’ll have your pups -”

Lexa’s breath hitches.

“But please don’t pretend anymore that this is something it’s not.” Clarke continues, her own hand moving against her wishes to caress Lexa’s forearm. “Don’t take me to meetings, don’t show me your letters. I’ll do it anyway. Just keep your promise and keep my people  _ safe.” _

Lexa doesn’t say anything for a while. It’s long enough that Clarke wonders if that’s the end of the conversation and wants to kick herself for being disappointed.

When she’s about to get up, Lexa speaks again, so softly Clarke has to strain to listen.

“I wasn’t pretending,” Lexa says, “I wasn’t - I don’t want you to be - that’s  _ not _ what I want.”

Clarke is too tired for this. 

“I never meant to make you feel like this,” Lexa finishes.

Clarke shakes her head. “You didn’t,” she says, “that’s the whole point. I needed to get scolded by  _ Titus _ to find it what you really thought.”

This time, Lexa’s growl makes the Alpha’s whole body vibrate. 

“Titus.” Lexa spits and then, in the softest voice: “What did Titus say, Clarke?”

Clarke frowns, she’s done with Lexa’s games. “You know very well what he said, Lexa.”

“Please, Clarke,” Lexa begs, “what did he say?”

“That I needed to mind my place.” Clarke answers. Remembering should make her angry all over again, but it just makes her feel humiliated all over again. “That I shouldn't ask for special treatment for doing  _ my duty _ .”

Clarke feels bile rise up her throat. “That my place was in your bed, not on your council.” 

“You didn’t have to do that Lexa,” she continues, “you didn't have to pretend. I knew what I was getting into. You didn’t have to send Titus to tell me to stop whoring myself out so you'd be  _ lenient _ enough to allow me to leave your room.” 

“That’s not -” Lexa says, a hint of panic in her voice, “that's not true. That’s not what what I think. You don’t have to do anything for me to include you. That’s not why I do it.”

“You could have fooled me this morning,” Clarke says.

She feels Lexa tense. “I’m sorry.”

The hand on her hair stops moving, and then it’s removed completely. Clarke bites her lip to avoid whimpering but feels the loss acutely. 

“I thought you wanted to,” Lexa says, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Something in the despair in Lexa’s voice makes Clarke speak. “I did,” she confesses, “I wanted to.”

Lexa exhales in relief, her whole body relaxing. “Oh, that’s - that’s good.”

Clarke wonders if there’s any hope at all for them. Even now, with salt on her lips, a heavy heart and an exhaustion so deep she thinks she might never get rid of it, she’s still impossibly drawn to Lexa.

What’s worse is that it doesn’t really matter. Even if they’re both broken beyond repair, they still need to do what’s best for their people. They can’t afford anything else.

“I don’t want to annul it.” Clarke says. 

Lexa nods and then, after a long moment of silence, she turns her head so they she’s looking at Clarke and speaks again. “What Titus said is not true. I don’t see you like that. Do you believe that?” 

The truly terrible thing is that Clarke actually does. Whether it is the exhaustion or the inner Omega that gets stronger as Clarke grows weaker or the way Lexa’s eyes are filled with tears, or the way Lexa’s voice breaks that makes her believe; she doesn’t know.

But she believes her. 

“What do you want, then?”

Lexa smiles, sad and achingly beautiful. “I thought maybe you’d help me.”

“I’ve been leading my people into war since I became Commander,” she continues, “even with the Coalition, there was always war. If this peace holds - I don't know if I know how to do anything else.”

Clarke wants to laugh. Peace? She’s only ever led people through desperate survival. She can hardly wrap her head around peace.

“I don't think I’ll be much help, Lexa.” she answers, “I haven’t known much peace on the ground either.”

Lexa nods. “Perhaps we could learn,” she says, “together.”

Clarke nods. Maybe they can. 

She separates her head from Lexa’s shoulder and a familiar feeling settles in. She knows it’s fucked up as soon as she does it, but she’s tired and sad and her Omega is  _ aching _ for Lexa. She just needs her Alpha to comfort her, to be inside her, even if it makes everything worse afterwards. 

She kisses Lexa.

“Clarke,” Lexa whispers against her mouth, “What -”

“Please,” Clarke says, “I know, ok? I know. I just need this, please.”

Lexa searches her eyes for a moment and nods. She understands, Clarke realises. Of course she does, she feels the bond as much as Clarke does. She feels the aching, pulsing need for her mate that only manages to fuck things up but can’t be avoided.

And then Lexa is kissing her. It’s nothing like that morning. It’s tender, gentle and sad. Clarke can taste the salt of Lexa’s tears and her own as Lexa’s lips move against her, feather soft.  Clarke shifts her body so that she's straddling Lexa’s lap, her knees on either side of Lexa’s thighs.

She feels one of Lexa’s hands move to the small of her body, holding her close. She arches into the Alpha and deepens the kiss, tracing the roof of Lexa’s mouth with her tongue. 

Lexa’s lips are against hers, her hand burning a hole in her shirt, Lexa’s tongue inside her mouth, it’s all making her dizzy. But it’s not enough.  One of Clarke's hands move from Lexa’s shoulder downwards. When she reaches Lexa’s taut stomach, she feels the Alpha’s other hand close around her wrist. She whimpers. 

“Please, Lexa,” she says, “I need it.”

Lexa kisses the side of her jaw. “I know,” she whispers, “I know. Just, let me, please?”

Clarke looks at Lexa. She is breathless and desperate, and her eyes are still shining with tears. Clarke wants nothing more than to feel her Alpha's knot swelling inside her, Lexa’s hands on her. What is Lexa trying to do?

She tries again to move her hand, but Lexa is not relenting. This time, instead of grabbing her wrist, Lexa intertwines their fingers, moving Clarke's hand away for her crotch. 

Then, she hoists herself up and lifting Clarke as if she weighs nothing at all, maneuvers them back to the bed. Arousal pools deep in Clarke’s belly, warm and insistent. 

Finally, Clarke thinks, and grabs the hem of shirt.

When she feels Lexa’s hands on her, stopping her again, she almost cries.

Lexa places a kiss in on of her bite marks. “Please,” she says against Clarke’s neck, “let me.” 

It’s probably the best thing Clarke has heard all day. There’s nothing the Omega inside her wants more that to let her Alpha do whatever she wants with her. Clarke doesn’t fight it.

She nods, letting her hands drop. 

Lexa’s hands travel underneath Clarke’s shirt, her fingertips leaving a trail of fire on Clarke’s skin, from her hips all the way to the space between her shoulder blades. Lexa’s attention on her neck grows in urgency, sucking and nipping at her sensitive skin.

After what feels like a goddamned eternity, Lexa stops kissing her neck to lift Clarke’s shirt above her head. Once the shirt is off, Lexa captures her mouth again.

Clarke moans in pleasure, even the soft material of Lexa’s shirt against her bare breasts feels all wrong. She needs it  _ off _ .

Clarke sucks on Lexa’s tongue and tugs at the hem of the Alpha’s shirt insistently. Thankfully, Lexa doesn't need anything else and she breaks the kiss to remove her own shirt. 

Clarke feels disoriented and empty without Lexa’s mouth on hers, but the sight of Lexa taking out her shirt almosts makes up for it. She reclines back on the furs, settling her weight on her elbows.

The Commander is really painfully beautiful and Clarke feels like she’s on fire. She thought she would know all about yearning for Lexa after her heat, but this is different. Lexa’s pheromones are everywhere, getting under her skin, seeping into her pores. And despite wanting nothing more than to submit to her, to let Lexa do whatever she wants to her, there’s a calm underneath. A tenderness.  A feeling she’s began to associate with Lexa without realizing: a fierce, protective presence that sends shivers up her spine and warmth across her chest. 

She leans back and shows her neck to Lexa. 

Lexa answers by trailing feather-light kisses all over her bite marks, one by one, and then moving downwards. Everywhere Lexa kisses she sets aflame and Clarke groans and arches her back, thrusting her hips to get some friction against Lexa’s groin. 

When Lexa reaches her breasts, she takes one in her strong hands and squeezes down. When Clarke is about to demand  _ more _ , the Alpha closes her mouth around the other breast’s nipple.

Oh, fuck. Her nipple hardens immediately and Clarke moans.  “Lexa, please.”

To her credit, Lexa gets the message. She gives the nipple on last tortuous flick of her tongue, and continues moving down. She kisses the underside of Clarke’s breasts, each one of her ribs, the soft flesh of her stomach and then, at last, she reaches the waistband of Clarke’s soaked panties. 

She raises her head from the furs to look at her, and the sight of Lexa’s piercing green eyes in between her legs takes her breath away completely. 

Lexa’s fingers tease her lower lips through her panties and a jolt of pleasure travels up her whole body. She’s pretty much desperate now. She whimpers, not giving a fuck how utterly needy she must look,  pressing herself against Lexa’s fingers and whining with each touch. 

But Lexa doesn’t tease her. She starts tugging at her underwear and Clarke lifts her ass at once, wanting the damn thing off her. Once the offending garment is off and Clarke is completely bare,  Lexa settles one of Clarke’s legs on her shoulder and without preamble, takes her lips to her wet, swollen pussy.

As soon as Lexa’s hot breath reaches her soaking lips, Clarke’s eyes roll to the back of her head and the falls back to the furs, arching her back and thrusting her cunt into Lexa’s face. The Alpha kisses her outer lips, taking one into her mouth and softly sucking on it. Then, she parts the lips with her tongue, running her tongue flat over the length of Clarke’s pussy.

Oh god. Clarke feels as if she might actually explode.

She grips the furs as hard as she can, trying to avoid thrusting her pussy into Lexa’s face. It’s pretty much in vain when she feels Lexa’s tongue teasing her entrance, drawing circles around it. Clarke wants to die, or kill, or force Lexa to shove her tongue inside her. She’s not even sure anymore.

But all she does is cry out in need and thrust her hips as Lexa continues the torture. She stops teasing her entrance and moves up again, all the way to Clarke’s swollen clit. There she sucks, hard, and runs her tongue over it, applying pressure and drawing circles on it. 

When Clarke is about ready to lose her damn mind, she feels one finger tease her opening. She is so grateful she could cry. 

Lexa wastes no time. She continues sucking and kissing Clarke’s clit as she enters her slowly, too slowly for how fucking ready Clarke is.  She pushes in one finger first and then after a few experimental thrusts she adds another.

Clarke’s hands fly to Lexa’s hair. She needs something to hold onto or she’s going to lose it.

“Yes,” Clarke moans, “please, Lexa. More.”

The Alpha obliges and starts pumping in and out of her pussy steadily, curling the fingers inside Clarke, making her see stars. Before Clarke knows it,  Lexa adds another finger as Lexa’s teeth graze her clit.

When the Alpha applies pressure to it and curls her fingers inside Clarke at the same time, she’s gone. She’s coming, hard, clenching around Lexa’s fingers, convulsing against her mouth as Lexa continues to thrust in and out while Clarke trembles, clenching her legs around the Alpha’s face. 

It takes her a second to catch her breath and when she does, she sees Lexa kissing her way up her body, fingers still buried deep inside her cunt. She clenches around them again.

When she’s face to face with Clarke, the Alpha kisses her. Feeling her taste of herself on Lexa’s lips is something doesn’t mind. One bit.

So she lets Lexa kiss her, languidly and slowly, pressing her breasts against Clarke’s.  Clarke is momentarily content, her immediate need sated but when she feels Lexa’s hard on brush against her center, she aches for it. 

She loops her arms around Lexa’s neck and breaks the kiss. “Lexa.”

Lexa’s pupils are completely dilated but her eyes are warm. Warmer than Clarke’s ever seen them.

“Tell me what you want, Clarke.” Lexa says, solemnly, as if she’s ready to give her whatever she asks for.

What Clarke wants.

Clarke wants nothing and everything all at once. She wants her body, her heart and her mind to align, so that she doesn't have to second guess every thought and instinct. She wants to be able to forgive, and forget. She wants to take care of her people. She wants a place in this world that is not dependant on war on or Lexa. She wants peace. 

But most of all, right now, she wants to feel Lexa closer. To feel her mate inside her, filling the dark, empty places in her. She wants Lexa to silence the Omega within, that’s only ever satisfied when her Alpha’s knot is swelling inside her, filling her with her release. 

“I want you inside.” Clarke says.

Thankfully, Lexa doesn't ask her if she’s sure. She doesn't give her a sad look, or anything else.  She simply nods and goes back to kissing Clarke. 

Then, she feels Lexa’s hand moving to her ass and lifts it up to allow Lexa to sink her fingers in the supple flesh. Lexa grabs it, hard, and brings Clarke closer. 

She grinds her hard on against Clarke’s pussy. Clarke feels every muscle in her body tighten.

“Lexa,” Clarke moans, “get your dick  _ inside _ me.”

The Alpha breaks the kiss with one last swipe of her tongue against Clarke lips and removes her underwear in record time. She throws it behind her without a care as to where it lands, and her impressive hard-on springs free. 

Clarke wonders if she’ll ever tire of the sight. 

Without wasting time, Lexa moves back atop of Clarke and grinds her dick against her folds, coating it in Clarke's wetness. Once, twice and then thrice, each time making Clarke groan and whimper in need. 

When she’s about to scream, she feels one of Lexa’s hands making its way down, and then the tip of Lexa’s dick is testing her entrance. Despite Lexa’s fingers and the fact that she’s already taken Lexa’s dick and Lexa’s knot, when the head pushes against her entrance, she feels herself stretched to her limit around Lexa’s girth. 

She gasps as the head of Lexa’s cock slips inside. “More.”

The Alpha starts thrusting, then. It’s slow, deep and it only takes a couple of thrusts for her to be buried to the hilt inside Clarke.  

Clarke sighs. She’s so full, so stretched and warm, so completely filled by her Alpha. Her Omega is exactly where she wants to be. She moves her head to the side to kiss Lexa’s jaw. 

Lexa’s answer is to angle her face back to kiss her again. It’s a quick peck, but it leaves Clarke’s lips tingling. Then, she moves so that’s she’s hovering above Clarke. She braces her weight on her arms, settling on a steady rhythm.

Lexa’s hair falls to one side of her face, tickling her. Each of her thrusts goes as deep inside Clarke as she can go, leaving Clarke a shivering mess, full to bursting with her dick.

Clarke grabs the back of the Alpha’s neck and guides her down until their foreheads are touching. She needs Lexa closer. Lexa brushes her nose against her and she feels her eyes fluttering. Clarke relaxes against the furs, letting herself enjoy the feeling of her Alpha inside her, taking her. The feeling of Lexa’s breath against her lips, of Lexa’s sweat against her own.  

She nuzzles Lexa’s jaw with hers, enjoying the way Lexa’s pheromones stick to her. She wants to smell like her Alpha. She wants to feel her all around her. 

“Faster,” she says. 

Lexa starts pumping faster and  _ fuck _ if that doesn’t feel good. Clarke is so close.

Lexa rams into her again, planting a kiss on Clarke’s skin with each thrust. On her mouth, on her cheeks, on her nose, everywhere.

Clarke is so full and Lexa is going so deep that when one of Lexa’s hands travel to her breasts and she teases one nipple in between her fingers at the same time she delivers a forceful thrust,  Clarke goes over the edge. 

She clenches around Lexa’s girth, her legs trembling and her belly tensing. Lexa continues thrusting, making Clarke’s body ripple with aftershocks. Fuck, she’s coming really hard and Lexa is not giving her time to  _ breathe. _

Finally, Lexa stops with one last thrust, letting Clarke come down from her high with her Alpha’s dick buried all the way inside her cunt. She feels Lexa’s knot teasing her entrance and gives her a kiss.

“You can do it if you want,” she says.

She’s not exactly sure she wants to spend an hour tied to Lexa as she fills her with her seed, but her Omega is definitely ready for it.

But Lexa shakes her head. “I’m content as we are.”

Clarke kisses her neck. “Ok,” she says, knowing that Lexa is probably desperate to sink her knot into her, “but you can still come inside me.”

That’s all Lexa needs. Immediately, she starts moving again, her thrusts turning erratic and hard within minutes. Clarke moans, thinking she might even come again before all is said and done.

She captures Lexa’s mouth again. “Let go, Lexa.”

Lexa does, tensing above her and spilling her seed deep in Clarke’s womb.  Without the Alpha’s knot, Clarke’s feels some of it dripping from her. God, whoever cleans Lexa’s room must hate her as much as Titus.

After a few more deep thrusts that make Clarke shiver, Lexa pulls out and rolls onto her back, breathing hard. When her member comes out of Clarke, the Omega feels more of Lexa’s release drip out of her. 

Despite her better judgement, Clarke lets the afterglow guide her into Lexa’s arms, resting her head on the Alpha’s shoulder. 

After a few minutes, Lexa breaks the silence.

“I’ll speak to Titus tomorrow.” She says.

Clarke shakes her head. “Please don’t”

“Clarke,” Lexa counters, “he can’t talk to you like that. He can't disrespect you.”

“You’re right he can’t.” Clarke looks up, so Lexa can see how serious she is.  “But he’s never going to respect  _ me _ , not unless  _ I  _ make him.”

Lexa tightens her jaw, but doesn’t fight her. When she speaks, it’s evident each word pains her. 

“Very well,” she says, “I’ll stay out of it.”

Clarke smiles. She knows getting a hold of her protective instincts is probably torture for the Alpha.

“If he steps out of line,” Clarke says, “I promise I’ll let you scold him to your hearts content.”

Lexa chuckles.

Clarke is momentarily stunned.  Is it possible she’s never heard Lexa’s laugh before? It’s low, and melodious and Clarke wants to hear it again as soon as it stops.

Lexa stays silent for a long moment. Then, her hand goes to Clarke’s hair, stroking it lightly.

“Clarke, are we -” she swallows audibly, “are you sure you don’t want to annul? That you are fine with the way things are?”

Clarke nuzzles her nose against Lexa’s jaw. “Not yet.” 

Lexa doesn’t answer, she doesn’t need to. No, she’s not fine. There’s still Pike, there’s still the threat of war looming on the horizon. There’s still the chance that’s Lexa’s pups are growing inside her, and there’s still no place for Clarke in Polis other than Lexa’s bed, not really.

But they’ll stop Pike, and they’ll have peace. And if Titus can’t accept Clarke, she’ll make him. 

The realisation hits her like a ton of bricks: she believes they’re going to make it. She actually does.

She presses one kiss to Lexa’s chin. “We’ll get there.”

Lexa exhales in relief at the conviction on her voice. “We will.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading <3\. if you have a minute, i would love to hear what you think! 
> 
> I’m aiming to update every two weeks now, let’s see if i can manage :).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the two weeks were a lie! i got a bit carried away with this and wrote 47 pages of sin and feelings. ups?
> 
> my eternal gratitude to my beta Jpuzzle for looking over this and listening to me ramble on and on about these two idiots and their feelings. you are the wind beneath my sin, i'm hasthag blessed to have you editing this.
> 
> last but not least, thank you again for all your comments, they truly do make my day and inspire me to continue giving you sin and feelings <3.

Clarke wakes up slowly. She feels warm and happy and as if nothing in the world can touch her, not as long as she doesn’t move from the warm, comfortable spot she is at. After a few seconds on the edge of consciousness, the reason for the comfort and the soft, insistent feeling in her chest becomes very, very clear. She’s in Lexa’s arms. 

The position itself it’s not unfamiliar nor the feeling it causes, not anymore. The difference is that this time, Clarke doesn’t feel the urge to untangle herself from Lexa as soon as she realizes where she is. 

She’s sore and sticky between her thighs but Lexa has one arm draped around her waist protectively and Clarke’s head is against the Alpha’s chest. She can hear Lexa’s heartbeat, can feel it steady beneath her chest. Lexa’s scent is strong today, too. It makes her want to bury her face in the Alpha’s neck and kiss her awake. It makes her want to trail kisses all over Lexa’s collarbone, her muscled stomach, all the way down to Lexa’s -

She clenches the hand that was making its way downwards without her permission into a fist.

_ God damnit.  _

Lexa mumbles something in her sleep and brings Clarke closer. She lets herself relax back into Lexa’s shoulder. She doesn’t want to let reality back in, not yet. Just another minute and she’ll let reality back in but for now, for just another moment, she wants to bask in  _ her _ mate’s scent, in her Alpha’s arms around her body. 

She only gets a few minutes before Lexa breaks the spell. 

When Clarke feels Lexa begin to stir beneath her, she tries to move from her chest.  Lexa mumbles something unintelligible and tightens her hold on Clarke’s waist.

Clarke smiles involuntarily. Lexa is not fully awake, not yet. She’s learned that Lexa is, surprisingly, a heavy sleeper and slow to wake. She might have a few minutes yet.

After a few moments, the hold on her waist loosens and Clarke knows Lexa is starting to wake up. It was good while it lasted. 

Whether it’s from being barely awake herself or because of Lexa’s scent seems that seems to be particularly difficult to resist today, Clarke doesn’t move her head from her Alpha’s chest. She can’t.

She looks up at Lexa. “Hi.”

Lexa blinks down at her, green eyes heavy with sleep. “Hello, Clarke.”

It’s the first time they’ve woken together that Lexa hasn’t scrambled off her the second she’s realized where she is. Instead, her hand moves to Clarke’s back, drawing circles with the tip of her fingers.

Clarke manages to resists the urge to purr.

She allows herself to enjoy the moment, her own hand moving to Lexa’s arm, tracing the soft skin that hides the muscles underneath.

“So,” she says after a few moments. “We need to talk.”

Clarke notices Lexa trying her level best to appear unfazed but she can feel her arm muscles tense beneath her fingertips. 

The Alpha removes her hand from Clarke’s back. “Of course, Clarke.”

Clarke sighs. So much for basking in the moment. She removes her head from Lexa’s shoulder with some difficulty and shakes her Omega’s disappointment away. 

She sits up on the bed and is about to start talking when she notices Lexa’s eyes firmly fixed on her breasts.

She looks transfixed.

Clarke feels the energy of the bedroom changing; a sure sign of Lexa’s arousal.  Gone is the calm, protective scent she’s grown so accustomed to. In its place a predatory, domineering essence is filling the room. It makes Clarke’s chest tighten and her Omega want to lay back on the bed, spreading her legs with her face against the pillow.

What is Lexa playing at?

“Lexa,” she says. 

Lexa blinks, seemingly notices where her eyes are and blushes. Her head snaps back up so fast Clarke is half afraid she’s going to pull something. She shifts uncomfortably and studiously avoids looking anywhere below Clarke’s neck.

She coughs. “I’m sorry.”

Clarke narrows her eyes at Lexa as realization dawns on her. “You’re in rut.”

Lexa shakes her head, though her blush deepens. “Not yet,” she says, “but it’s close. I’m generally better at controlling it. I’ve never - with a mate. I’ll get it under control.”

Clarke knows all about trying to get instincts under control. It’s a doomed plan if she ever heard one. She has a better idea.

She drags one of the furs up to cover her breasts.  “Maybe we should get dressed first.”

Lexa is nodding before she even finishes speaking. “Yes. We should.”

*

Clarke decides on taking a bath. She’s far too sweaty and sticky with Lexa’s cum to even consider putting clean clothes on.

Even after two weeks in Polis, the feeling of the warm, scented water enveloping her after months in the woods feels like heaven. Decadent, even. Like a luxury she has to take advantage of as much as she can before it’s taken from her.

When she’s done, she goes back to her bedroom first. She hasn’t spent much time here, but she’s glad they haven’t moved her stuff to Lexa’s room. It feels nice to have a space of her own, even if only to keep her clothes in.

She searches said clothes for a long while, trying to find something that’s not outrageously low-cut. She has to settle for very low-cut.  She’s going to need to have a word with this tailor.

*

When she goes back to Lexa’s bedroom, the Alpha is seated at the small table she sometimes uses for working. 

Clarke takes a seat beside her and glares at the serving boy settling down food on the table. Her glare lessens when she realizes that, for once, it’s actually a Beta instead of one of the apparently endless Omegas in Lexa’s service. She wills herself to relax. 

After the boy leaves, she takes a moment to surreptitiously study Lexa. She looks calmer, the atmosphere around her is calmer, too. Clarke wonders what she did to - oh. Oh, of course. 

It makes sense, obviously. But still. The image of Lexa, her hand sliding down her abs until she finds what it’s looking for. Grasping, tugging, getting herself hard and ready, the head of her cock already glistening, just  _ waiting _ for Clarke to get down and - 

This is going to be a long morning. 

Clarke swallows the tea down and forces herself to focus. This is important.

“So,” Clarke begins.

Lexa looks at her expectantly. She raises an eyebrow.

Clarke narrows her eyes at her.  _ Fine _ , she'll do the talking. 

“So,” she repeats, “I think it’s clear that the bond is affecting both of us more that we thought it would.”

Something shifts in Lexa’s expression before she can hide it.

“What?” 

Lexa shakes her head. “Nothing, I’m sorry. You were saying about the bond?”

Clarke lets it slide. “It’s obvious it’s not going to work fighting it,” she says. “It certainly hasn’t worked until now.”

Lexa nods. 

“You said you wanted my help with peace,” Clarke continues.

Lexa doesn’t miss a beat. “I do.”

Clarke smiles. “Good,” she says, “but that won’t work if we're tense all the time until we can’t take it anymore because of this bond.”

Lexa’s expression remains unreadable. “What do you propose?”

“Let’s just,” Clarke pauses, trying to find the words, “go with it. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Just two friends helping each other out. We’re obviously drawn to each other, and the bond is not getting weaker, fighting it will do us no good.”

She gestures vaguely in Lexa’s direction. “Especially not now.”

Lexa tilts her head and looks at Clarke. “Do you consider me your friend, Clarke?”

Of course Lexa would focus on exactly the wrong thing. 

Clarke knows what she means, though. They were never friends. They were strangers, then they were almost something and then they were nothing. Now they’re here, on the verge of nothing and everything all over again. Joined by a bond that only death may break, and by a history they can’t forget.

Clarke doesn’t really know how to answer. In the end, she settles for honesty. “I don’t know,” she says, “but we can try.”

Lexa doesn’t look convinced. “Very well, we can try.”

*

Clarke barely sees Lexa for the rest of the day. 

Lexa trains every morning with her warriors if she's not occupied with meetings. In the afternoons, she trains again, this time with the Nightbloods . 

Lexa invited Clarke to watch and participate, if she wanted to learn how to defend herself. It took all of fifteen minutes for Clarke to realize that training with Lexa is  _ not _ something that’s going to work. Not today.

Watching Lexa sweating, her muscles flexing as she fought her opponents to submission coupled with the angry, dominant smell of an Alpha in rut was enough to make Clarke nearly jump her. After that, she excused herself and almost ran back to the tower.

It’s one thing to decide not to fight their instincts all the time. It's quite another to want to lick the sweat off Lexa’s arms in front of a dozen warriors.

*

Thankfully, Clarke has no shortage of things to do. Lexa has provided her with what she can only assume is every single written piece of information ever written about the clans of the Coalition.

She has maps, letters, descriptions of weapons, drawings of flora and fauna, everything and anything. The bulk of the information is about their armies: their strategies, formations and tactics. Clarke finds herself only processing half of what she reads. She hopes Lexa doesn't really expect her to offer tactical advice, she's perfectly happy with leaving the actual war waging to the Commander.

Still, as mind bogglingly boring as they are, getting to read these is an honor not usually granted. For a long time, Lexa explained, these writings were kept in the utmost secrecy. The grounders have no written form of their own language and they could not afford to let the mountain know they spoke theirs. So, every book and piece of information was kept in Polis, under Titus’ watchful care.

The thought makes her snort. Titus must be seething at having to share this precious knowledge with the Commander’s  _ bedwarmer _ .

She lets herself revel in the thought for a moment and then goes back to reading.

*

That night, when they go to bed, Lexa smells calmer. There’s still an edge to her though, a feeling of a fragile equilibrium that the faintest movement may crumble.

Clarke decides to test her luck. Instead of fighting herself, she drapes herself over Lexa as soon as they’re under the furs.

Lexa tenses, for a second, and then wraps her arms around Clarke as well.

For once, Clarke’s Omega doesn't demand anything else, happy with simply being in her mate's arms, with Lexa’s heartbeat on her heart and her hand in her hair. 

It takes her five minutes to fall asleep. 

*

The next morning finds Clarke again surrounded by papers while Lexa is receiving news from her countless subjects and advisors. Clarke had joined for a while and Titus, among others, spent nearly all the hour she was in the meeting scowling at her. 

She can only deal with a certain amount of animosity before she starts wanting to hurl people off Lexa’s tower. 

She wouldn't have let her stop her if it wasn’t for that meeting being so mind blowingly inconsequential. Grounder politics seems to be a whole lot of posturing and snarling back and forth about the most mundane things. Clarke honestly doesn't know how Lexa stands it, day in and day out. 

Besides, she has a task to complete. 

She looks at the empty leather bound journal on the table and the pencil in her hand and sighs. 

She understands it’s important that the Thirteenth Clan joins the annals of history and why Lexa would want Clarke to start but honestly, she doesn't know  _ what _ to write.

She finds herself suddenly wishing her dad was there. He would have known what to write. Wells would have known too, maybe even Finn.

She tries to shake the memories away, but once they come it’s impossible to make them leave. She finds herself wondering, uselessly, what would they think if they could see her now.

Clarke had wondered about that over and over again in those months in the forest. She kept imagining her father’s disappointed face. Wells, backing away from her in disgust.

The worst part is that even then, she thinks they would have loved her. They would have loved her even with her heart broken and her hands bloody. Her dad would have held her and told her everything would be alright, even if both of them had known it wasn’t true. Wells would have followed her into the forest, even if she asked him not to. Even if she raged, even if she screamed. He would have gone with her.

Even now, they would love her still despite everything. 

Now, though, now she’s not alone hiding in the forest. Now she’s working for peace. She surprises herself by thinking her dad might even be proud of her. She’s working on a future for their people. It might not have been the future her father had dreamed about, but it was more that anyone had dared hope.

A future on the ground. A future of peace, sunshine on their faces and earth beneath their feet.

He should have been alive to see it.

He should have been alive to see it and to help her. He would know what to do. About Lexa, about the bond, about everything. He would wrap his arms around her and he would know exactly the right thing to say. 

She wonders if Lexa ever asks herself what the people she lost would think about her. If she lays awake at night imagining conversations she’ll never get to have.

Anya, Gustus, Costia, her dad, Wells,  _ Finn _ . They lose and lose and then, they take. Clarke wonders if it will ever end. 

She thinks about her mom and Kane, trying to hold Arkadia together. She thinks about Bellamy, his hand over hers as they pulled that lever, about Octavia, about Raven and Monty back at the camp. 

She needed to leave. She  _ had _ to leave but still the guilt that bubbles up in her throat threatens to choke her.

A knock on the door brings her out of her thoughts and she blinks back tears.

If it’s Titus again, she’s going to deck him.

She takes a second to compose herself and says “Come in.”

It’s the Omega boy that interrupted her and Lexa a few days ago, Nemir, Clarke recalls.

She’s ready to glare at him when she notices his expression. He’s pale, nearly trembling. He looks  _ terrified _ .

She softens her frown. “Yes?”

“Wanheda,” he says. “The Commander is asking for you.”

“Clarke, please,” she corrects. “Tell the Commander I’ll be there once I finish what I’m doing here.”

The boy shuffles uncomfortably.

“Did she say it was urgent?”

Nemir shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry, Wanhe - Clarke. I - I’ll tell her.”

The boy is evidently petrified at the thought of going back without Clarke. Lexa must have gotten some bad news and that probably means it’s news from Arkadia.

She closes the blank journal and gets up. “Take me to her.”

The look of undiluted relief that crosses the boy’s face doesn’t do much to ease Clarke’s mind.

*

Once they arrive in the throne room two things become very clear at once.

One: Lexa is definitely close to her rut and two: she’s  _ not _ happy.

As soon as Clarke crosses the threshold, the smell of the Alpha’s pheromones almost throws her on her back. Lexa is pacing, clutching a letter in her hand and speaking in Trigedasleng so fast that Clarke can’t catch a word of it. 

Clarke’s eyes immediately focus on the tendons of her neck, on the way her muscles flex under the shirt, on the way each step she takes sends a wave of Alpha scent her way. God, her Omega is positively glowing inside her, dying to submit to this powerful Alpha. To  _ her _ powerful Alpha.

She turns around and sees Nemir still hovering on the doorway, flinching with every step Lexa takes. Of course, this is Clarke’s mate. To an unmated Omega, she’s an Alpha in rut. The Commander. If Clarke’s Omega is calling for her to fall to her knees and show her neck, she can only imagine what it must be like for this boy.

She places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes. “Stay here, OK?”

He nods without taking his eyes from the floor.

Clarke step further into the room. “Lexa,” she says, “you asked for me?”

Lexa looks at her, frowning. Her grip on the letter relaxes. “I didn’t” 

“Since Clarke is here, Commander,” Titus says before Clarke can answer, “maybe you could take some time to rest and we can continue when you are more  _ relaxed _ ?”

Clarke turns to look at Titus and narrows her eyes at him. His face is a mask of calm. Of course Titus is the one who called her here. Who better to calm the Commander than her little Omega wife? Evidently, Lexa has kept her promise and has not talked to him.

Clarke is about to march right up to him when Lexa beats her to it. She walks to him and growls, deep and angry. 

The atmosphere of the room tenses even further. Lexa is truly enraged and this can’t end well.

Titus will have to learn his lesson some other time.

She walks up to Lexa and and rubs her knuckles against her forearm. It’s like touching a rock, she’s so tense. 

“Hey,” Clarke says, “maybe we both could use a break?”

Lexa whips her head around, glare still in place and it’s all that Clarke can do not to whimper. She instinctively tilts her head a little, showing her neck, but she doesn’t let the whimper escape her mouth.

“Lexa,” she insists.

Lexa clenches her eyes shut. Clarke can feel her muscles tremble beneath her hand. When she opens them back up, they’re are soft. Clarke relaxes.

Lexa sends one last glare Titus’ way. “Leave us.”

Titus nods and gives Clarke an approving look before obeying the Commander. Clarke wants to wring his neck.

From the door, the boy looks at her as if she’s the second coming. Well, at least  _ someone _ at Polis likes her.

When they’re finally alone, Lexa slumps onto her throne and puts her face on her hands. Clarke resists the urge to sit on Lexa's lap and then realises: this is exactly what they talked about. The physical closeness gives them both comfort, why fight it?

When Clarke settles on her lap, Lexa goes stiff as a board, but only for a moment. Then, she wraps an arm around Clarke’s waist and the air in the room shifts noticeably. 

Clarke traces the scar on the back on Lexa's neck with her fingertips 

"I’m sorry," Lexa says, "about Titus. He had no right to call you in here."

"Don't worry about Titus," Clarke moves her fingers to trace the infinity symbol on Lexa’s neck. "I can handle Titus. I’m more worried about what’s in that letter right now."

Lexa snarls. Clarke rubs her forearm reassuringly

"Here," Lexa says, extending the crumpled letter to her.

It's news from Indra and it's bad. The tensions have been escalating between Skaikru and Trikru. Glares turning into fights, turning into Indra's army refusing to let Skaikru anywhere near their camp, culminating in an ugly fight where one of Indra's warriors had to be pulled off a Sky person by three others. Then, Skaikru retaliated by burning one of Indra’s tents, which lead to more encounters, which lead to Indra’s letter.

Indra is, of course, demanding blood. 

"This is bad," Clarke says. "it could turn ugly."

Lexa nods. "I’m calling a council meeting for tomorrow. I’ve sent a rider to Arkadia to bring Kane or world from him."

"We’ll fix it," Clarke says and then, because she’s not fighting her instincts today, places a kiss on Lexa’s forehead. 

Lexa looks at her, surprised. Then she turns serious again. "Clarke, if it comes to war -"

Clarke does not want to hear it. "It won't."

"Clarke," Lexa insists. 

"No, Lexa," Clarke says, a hint of desperation in her voice. "It won’t come to that. We won’t let it come to that."

Lexa opens her mouth as if to argue further but reconsiders. She nods and her arms tighten around Clarke.

Clarke rests her cheek against Lexa’s braids. It won’t come to war.

They won’t let it.

*

Lexa wakes up the following morning with her front pressed against Clarke. Her nose is buried in Clarke’s blonde hair, her arms are wrapped around her waist and an uncomfortable hardness resides between her legs. She untangles herself as best she can, trying not to disrupt Clarke’s sleep. She manages, but when she removes her body from Clarke’s and the Omega whimpers in her sleep, Lexa wants to die.

Her morning only gets worse after that. She’s tense, snapping at anyone who even tries to talk to her, sending Nightbloods and guards scattering through the hallways.

By the time she arrives at her Council meeting, her foul mood is bad enough for the guards to tremble at the sight of her.

This is the worst rut she’s had since she presented, by far. The healer told her it was to be expected, since she’s just taken a mate. She’d also looked at Lexa as if she was insane when she’d asked if there was some way to make it easier. 

_ Mating, Heda. _

Of course the answer is mating. Her own hand definitely is not enough to satisfy her instincts and there’s not a hour that goes by without her mind drifting to the feeling of Clarke, wrapped tightly around her knot, milking her for all she has. Whimpering and moaning in need as Lexa -

She sighs. Not even  _ half _ an hour this time.

Clarke’s idea doesn’t help her much, either. It’s one thing for Clarke to do it. Lexa is fine if Clarke wants it, but after what happened with Titus, after everything, Lexa skin crawls at the thought of Clarke feeling like she  _ has _ to help her through her rut. She’ll just have to deal with it as she has countless times before and squash down the voice inside her that says that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. It only would take a little push and Clarke would give in, she would give Lexa what she wants, she wouldn’t be able to resist her Alpha in rut, she would -

Not even five minutes.

Lexa stops before the door to the throne room and squares her shoulders. She relaxes her face into a mask of cool indifference and tries to calm her pheromones down. The effort is mostly in vain and after a few moments she gives up, signals for her guards to open the door and walks in.

When she crosses the door, all heads turn to her. She inspects the room as she walks to her throne.  All of the ambassadors seem to have made it and there’s also a couple of her most trusted generals and of course, Clarke sits on her own throne beside Lexa’s, while Titus looks over the meeting for his place behind them both..

Her Ambassadors and Generals do not look happy and Lexa has to rein in the urge to groan. This is going to be ugly.

She has barely sat down when all the Ambassadors start talking at once. Sometimes, she does regret insisting so much on every clan having  a voice on her council. 

“Enough,” she says and waits for everyone to fall silent.

She scans the room again. Every Ambassador but Kane is here. He couldn’t leave Arkadia and has sent in his report by way of  _ ‘radio’ _ to Clarke.

“You were summoned here to offer advice in the matter of Skaikru,” Lexa begins. “We have received word that a faction of their leadership intends to rebel and separate from the Coalition.”

A murmur breaks out in the room. 

“Silence,” she says. “Ambassador Kane is  _ still _ loyal to this Coalition and has informed us that the traitor Pike intends to make a move for the position of leader of Skaikru.”

The murmuring breaks out anew and Lexa is in no mood for this today.

She turns to Clarke, ignoring the chatter. “Clarke, would you care to explain to the Ambassadors how leaders are chosen in your clan?”

Clarke starts to speak but the noise doesn’t subside. Lexa is trying  _ really _ hard not to throw some ambassadors off her tower right now.

_ “Enough,”  _ she repeats. 

This time, the room falls silent in half a second. 

She glares at the Ambassadors one by one and then turns back to Clarke. “Go on.”

Clarke’s answering smile is barely there but Lexa’s heart still flutters in her chest. 

“Skaikru elects Chancellors as leaders and the Chancellor is decided by popular vote,” Clarke explains, “that means that Pike can only be a threat if he gathers enough support.”

Some Ambassadors look at Clarke curiously and others do so with undiluted loathing. Lexa has to try very,  _ very _ hard not to jump from her throne and snap their necks. Clarke herself is looking no less tense but still keeps her chin up high and her eyes calm. 

Lexa forces herself to take her eyes off her mate. Her incredibly attractive mate who’s holding her own on a room full of Alphas who despise her. It’s not the most difficult thing she’s had to do by far, but in this moment, it feels like it.

“This is outrageous,” the Ambassador from the Broadleaf clan exclaims. “They intend to _break_ from the Coalition. They have attacked our armies, the Commander must show no mercy!”

A wave of agreement goes through the room. Lexa lets it flow, giving Clarke a subtle shake of her head when she’s about to speak again. 

“Ambassador,” Lexa says when the talking has calmed down. “I think my memory fails me. Wasn’t it your clan the one that staged an ill advised and poorly planned rebellion two summers ago? Weren’t you begging for the mercy of the Commander, then?”

The Ambassador opens and closes his mouth like a fish. He looks outraged. Lexa couldn’t care less. 

“Be that as it may,” the Ambassador from the Boat Clan argues, “evidently Ambassador Kane does not hold the influence necessary to stop him. Not if he’s asking Polis for help.”

That much Lexa can agree with. She nods to him. “What would you propose?”

“Show them your might, Heda,” General Koff interrupts, “let them see what they’re up against if they dare to rebel.”

If what Clarke’s told her is anything to go by, more fear will certainly not improve anything. It will only cement Pike’s position.

The Ambassadors, however, don’t share her idea. They’re all nodding along the General’s words.

“Let me march to Arkadia, Heda,” the General continues, “let us end the fight of all who would dare defy you!”

And what will that win? Lexa wonders. This is not blood that must be paid, this is an idea that needs to be stopped. 

The meeting goes on for another hour, almost all Ambassadors giving her a variation of “Attack Arkadia”. Eventually, Lexa’s had enough. She raises a hand to silence the room.

“I've heard all you have to say, and will take it into careful consideration,” she says. “We will reconvene at dusk and I’ll have a plan of action.”

The Ambassadors shuffle and grumble but slowly leave the room. After a few moments, the only ones with her on the room are  Clarke and Titus.

Titus wastes no time. “Heda, you  _ must _ attack Arkadia. You cannot let this disrespect go unchallenged.” 

Lexa is about to tell Titus exactly what she plans to do with  _ his _ show of disrespect when Clarke speaks out.

“Let me go to Arkadia,” she says. “Let me talk to them.”

Lexa’s first instinct is to say  _ No. You’re not going into hostile territory. _

“Clarke,” she says carefully instead. “You’re mated to their enemy. You can’t just walk through the gates.”

Clarke shakes her head. “You’re not the enemy, not yet. And my mom is still Chancellor. Lexa, you  _ know _ I can help.”

Lexa’s every instinct is shouting at her to say no, that it’s too dangerous, that she can’t possibly send  _ her _ Omega into harm's way. Clarke should stay here, safe and sound and never, ever leave this tower.

But Lexa promised they would do this together and she knows Clarke can take care of herself, even if her Alpha doesn’t. 

It doesn’t matter what her instincts tell her. It doesn’t matter what she wants or what she feels. She needs to let Clarke try.

When she speaks, she has to force the words out of her mouth with every ounce of will she has. 

“We will leave for Arkadia at dawn.”

Clarke eyebrows raise, but she doesn’t fight to go alone. Instead she smiles, placing her hand on Lexa’s arm. “Thank you.”

Before Lexa can say or do something irreparably stupid, Titus speaks up.

“Heda,” he says, “you  _ can’t _ be considering this.”

Lexa turns to him, not bothering to temper her glare. “I’m not  _ considering _ it, Titus. I’m doing it.”

“Heda,” he insists, “not only that is not Wanheda’s  _ place _ , but she is  _ kom Skaikru _ , she will not be unbiased. Her loyalty evidently still lays with her people.”

Lexa’s had enough of this. But before she can answer, Clarke has taken a step towards Titus.

“You’re right,” Clarke says, “my loyalty is with my people.”

Titus narrows his eyes at her. 

“It always has been,” she takes another step, “I will always put my people first. I’ve  _ always _ put my people first. That’s all I’ve being doing since I landed, while you were safe and sound inside your tower. That’s what I did when  _ I _ slayed the mountain that had drained  _ your blood _ for decades.”

Clarke takes another step. “So stand aside Flame Keeper, or you will learn exactly how far I’m willing to go to keep this peace.”

Titus’ lip curls but when Clarke takes one step more, almost in his personal space, he steps back. 

As soon as he realizes what he’s done, that he’s let an  _ Omega _ intimidate him, he snarls at Clarke. 

Lexa feels every muscle in her body go tense as a bowstring. If he dares lay one finger on Clarke, there’s no force on earth that will prevent her from ripping his throat out. Flame Keeper or not. 

“How  _ dare _ you -”

“Oh, I dare,” Clarke interrupts. “I dare because  _ I can fix this _ and I don’t give a damn what  _ you _ think.”

Titus turns to her, practically foaming. “ _ Heda _ .”

“Enough, Titus,” she answers. “You have made your position clear. This is my decision. Mine and Clarke’s.” 

*

Titus doesn’t answer. His gaze flickers between Clarke and Lexa in disbelief until, finally, he clenches his jaw and nods tersely at the Commander. He then turns around and marches out of the room without another word.

Clarke feels absurdly pleased, turns to smile at Lexa and promptly loses her breath and all hope of getting it back.

Lexa staring right at her, her green eyes shining in the light. She’s looking at Clarke like she’s the only thing that she’ll ever be able to focus on. She’s looking at Clarke as if she’s ready to pounce her. As if she’s ready to devour her, to consume her. It sends a not altogether unpleasant shiver down Clarke’s spine. 

Clarke tries to focus on something besides Lexa, but it’s nearly impossible. Lexa’s pheromones are everywhere, calling to her. It’s as if Lexa scent has hooked itself to Clarke’s chest and is pulling her towards the Alpha and there’s nothing Clarke can do to fight it.

So Clarke doesn’t. This is what they decided, right? To stop fighting, to give in, to help each other out. And Lexa definitely needs helping, if her tense shoulders and uncomfortable stance are anything to go by. She looks as if she’s about to explode, or shatter completely. 

Clarke takes a step towards Lexa and bites the inside of her lip. She needs to get herself together if she wants to have any hope of getting them to Lexa’s bedroom before the inevitable happens.

The inevitable. Lexa, naked against her, pushing her head down as she sinks her knot, slowly into Clarke’s stretching entrance, one millimeter at a time. The soft flesh strained and glistening, slowly,  _ tortuously _ giving in so that Lexa’s knot can push in. Until it’s finally inside Clarke, claiming her, tying her to the Alpha as Lexa empties herself inside her  womb, filling Clarke to the brim with her seed, making sure she’s -

A groan escapes Clarke’s mouth before she can stop it.

Lexa bites her lip and looks up to the ceiling at the sound and Clarke makes her decision. Lexa needs this. Clarke needs this. There’s no way in hell she is going to walk away from Lexa now, arousal pooling in her belly and between her thighs. Lexa can knot her right here against her throne if that’s what it takes.

Clarke takes two long steps and when she’s nose to nose with Lexa, dips her head upwards and kisses her. It starts out soft but it only stays that way for a second. Then, Lexa’s hands are at the back of Clarke’s neck and Lexa is deepening the kiss and it’s not soft, at all. Lexa’s fingers are digging on her neck, her tongue is inside Clarke’s mouth and her other hand making its way down Clarke’s back.

Clarke groans against Lexa’s tongue. She is so fucking ready. She arches into Lexa and when the Alpha breaks the kiss she angles her neck to her without missing a beat.

Lexa growls and moves her mouth to Clarke’s exposed neck, sucking harshly onto her mating marks.

_ Fuck. _

Clarke tries to inspect their surroundings. It’s the middle of the morning, Titus will be back any minute with the Nightbloods for their lessons, there's no way they have enough time for - 

Oh God, Lexa’s hands are at her ass now.  She’s pulling Clarke closer, so close the hard edges of her belts and buckles are digging into the soft material of Clarke's shirt and the already prominent bulge is rubbing against Clarke with every movement they make.

And then, suddenly, she’s gone.

Clarke blinks, dazed, empty and cold in an instant. What happened?

When Clarke manages to open her eyes all she can see is Lexa’s back, but she can  _ feel _ the problem.

There’s an Alpha at the door. 

Lexa is growling in front of her, tense as a wire and ready to rip the Alpha to shreds. The Alpha in question, one of her guards by the look of him, he’s about to piss himself.

“H-Heda,” he stammers, eyes wide with panic, “I didn't, I will -”

Lexa growls again and now Clarke’s eyes are the ones widening: she’s reaching for the dagger strapped to her thigh. That is enough for Clarke to be able to focus properly. She needs to do something or this will end very, very badly.

She steps in front of Lexa and angles her neck so that Lexa can clearly see her marks, trying to find the Alpha’s eyes.

“Hey, hey,” she says. “Lexa, look at me.”

Lexa’s eyes flicker between Clarke and the Alpha at the door. She’s trying to focus on Clarke, but can’t control the way her eyes stray back to the challenger at the door. 

Clarke wants to turn around and tell him to  _ get the fuck out _ , but there's no knowing how Lexa will react to that, so she keeps her eyes firmly trained on her.

“I'm here,” she says and then, because it’s what the Alpha in Lexa needs to hear, “I’m yours.”

God, who is she kidding? Just saying the words sends a thrill up her spine.

She puts one of Lexa’s hands back on her waist and covers it with her own. “I’m yours,” she repeats. “No one is challenging you, OK?”

Lexa exhales, finally managing to focus her eyes completely on Clarke. Clarke tilts her chin back and rubs her nose against Lexa’s jaw. 

Lexa takes a shaky breath. She looks behind Clarke and her hand tightens on Clarke’s waist. 

“ _ Leave _ ,” she barks.

Clarke hears the sound of the door creaking and then closing. She doesn't look back, focusing on tracing idle patterns on Lexa’s back. 

Lexa might have managed not to murder her guard but she’s still on edge, her pheromones are all over the place. There’s only one way Lexa is getting out of this state now. 

Clarke kisses the side of her neck and puts some space between them, grabbing Lexa’s hand.

The Alpha must know where she’s been led to and that seems enough for her to let Clarke take control for the moment.

As soon as they’re in Lexa’s room with the door closed behind them though, Lexa wastes no time taking it back. She turns around, grabs Clarke’s hips and pins her against the door.

Clarke doesn't object. In fact, she does the opposite, moaning loudly into Lexa’s ear and arching her back. That encourages the Alpha further, making her grind against Clarke, her hands digging to the point of pain into Clarke’s ass.

Fuck, Lexa is  _ not _ being gentle. Not with the hands that are on her ass, not with her mouth that is sucking on Clarke’s collarbone, not with anything. Clarke loves it. She's fucking soaked already, her inner muscles clenching down on nothing every time Lexa grinds into her. 

It’s not as bad as her heat, but it comes close. Lexa’s scent is making it hard to think of anything beside how much she wants Lexa to fuck her, to claim her, to bury herself inside her and take what's hers. 

But for that she needs these fucking clothes  _ off _ . 

She tries to push against Lexa’s shoulder but the Alpha growls, grabbing Clarke’s wrists and pinning them above her head. 

Clarke whimpers and angles her head to show her neck, her cheek hitting the door. The sign of submission seems to appease Lexa, who loosens her grip on her wrists. Lexa lets her go and Clarke loops her arms around her neck. Lexa kisses her, rough and demanding, shoving her tongue inside Clarke’s mouth with no preamble. While they kiss, teeth clashing, tongues darting and moaning into each other's mouth, Clarke tries to start working the buttons on Lexa’s pants.

Lexa breaks the kiss. The look she gives Clarke is enough to make her tremble but then, her gaze softens. 

Lexa speaks as if the words are being pried out of her. “Clarke,” she says, “are you sure? I might not - ”

She doesn’t finish, clenching her eyes shut and breathing carefully. She might not be gentle, is what she means, and Clarke almost laughs. If Lexa tries to do anything but fuck her into next week after this, Clarke might just murder her. 

Clarke pops open the first button on Lexa’s pants.

“I’m sure, Lexa,” she says, “now stop wasting time and take me.”

That's all the Alpha needs. In a flash, she has her mouth back on Clarke’s and her hands under Clarke’s shirt. She grunts in impatience after a few tries at undoing the buttons on her jacket. 

She tugs at the hem. “Take it off.” 

Clarke’s obeying before she even realises what Lexa’s said, hurrying to give her Alpha what she wants. She removes the jacket and the shirt in about two seconds flat while Lexa looks at her with eyes black with desire. 

Lexa finishes unbuttoning her pants, opening them up enough for her to push her underwear down and take out her dick. She never stops looking at Clarke as she takes it out and closes her hand around it, slowly moving it up and down her length.

Clarke almost gives in and sinks to her knees but before she can, Lexa’s mouth is back on her, pushing her back against the door. One of Lexa’s hands around the back of her neck while the other is still working her erection. 

Clarke whimpers into her mouth. “Lexa,” she says, “please. I need you inside.”

She does. She’s soaked, desperate and so empty she could  _ scream _ .

Lexa releases her dick and, with one hand still holding onto Clarke’s neck, starts working on the buttons of Clarke’s pants. She has some difficulty, especially because Clarke can’t help the needy thrust of her hips once Lexa’s palm touches her navel. Eventually, Lexa just gives up and uses both hands to rip the pants open. 

“ _ Off _ ,” she growls.

Clarke wastes no time, dropping the pants to her ankles and kicking them off. Once she’s clad only in her underwear, Lexa puts both of her hands on her ass and lifts her up against the wall. She starts thrusting against Clarke’s soaked and probably ruined panties, making her whimper every time the tip of Lexa’s cock touches her clit. 

“Fuck,” Clarke groans. “Lexa,  _ please _ .”

Lexa doesn’t even bother taking Clarke’s underwear off, she just pushes it to the side with the tip of her cock and shoves half her dick inside Clarke in one thrust and oh, fuck. Oh  _ God _ .

Clarke eyes open wide and she can’t help the surprised half yelp, half whimper that comes out of her mouth. She’s more than wet enough for Lexa but Jesus fuck, she was not wet enough for  _ that _ .

When Lexa tries to start thrusting without giving Clarke a second to adjust, she puts a hand on the Alpha’s shoulder.

“God,” she groans. “Lexa, wait.  _ Fuck _ , give me a second.”

It takes Lexa a moment to register her words, a moment where she thrusts again and another inch of her dick stretches Clarke to the point of pain. She moves her head back and frowns at Clarke in confusion.

Clarke tightens her grip on Lexa’s shoulder and lets her head fall on it, focusing on breathing in and out. 

Lexa doesn’t say anything, Clarke isn’t even sure she remembers how words work. But she doesn’t start moving again, her dick still only halfway inside Clarke, her mouth trailing kisses all over Clarke’s mating marks. 

Clarke breathes deeply, which only causes Lexa’s pheromones to invade her senses further and her Omega to rage inside her. It doesn’t matter if it hurts, Lexa should be all the way inside her. Filling her.  _ Now _ .

When she’s had enough time to catch her breath and for the pain to subside, she kisses the side of Lexa’s neck. “Ok,” she says, “you can move now.”

Lexa starts slow but after only a few shallow thrusts she picks up speed, fucking Clarke roughly, gripping her ass and making the door rub painfully against her back.

Clarke couldn’t care less. Lexa is filling her up so fucking good, rutting against her like an animal: harsh, fast and deep. Every time she bottoms out Clarke moans and gasps. She can feel her inner walls stretching around Lexa, her entrance straining under the girth of Lexa’s member and her wetness sliding down her thighs. 

This is not the woman that gently sucked at her clit until Clarke was a trembling mess under her - this is the beast within. Lexa doesn’t care about Clarke’s pleasure, she’s just using her body for her own and fuck it if Clarke’s Omega is not halfway delirious at submitting her body for her Alpha’s release.

“Lexa, God,” she moans when Lexa hits the perfect spot. “Deeper, take me. I’m yours.”

Lexa growls and rams in as deep as she can go and it feels as if every nerve ending on Clarke’s body is about to explode. 

Without warning, Lexa moves one arm to the small of Clarke’s back and with her cock still deep inside her, moves them from the door. 

Clarke holds onto Lexa for dear life, clenching down on her dick. She just needs it a little deeper, a little harder, just a little more.

Lexa props her down on the table unceremoniously and Clarke barely registers it.  

She wraps her legs around Lexa’s waist and Lexa starts plowing into her again, and again, and again until Clarke is just on the edge, arching her head back. She can feel her belly tightening and her pussy clenching around Lexa.

She’s so close, just another thrust. God, just a little more and - and then Lexa hits  _ that _ spot perfectly and her orgasm washes over her, making her legs tremble and her whole body go taut with pleasure. She clenches down on Lexa’s girth, her body trying to bring Lexa deeper, trying to get Lexa to fill her up with all she has. 

But Lexa must know they don’t have the time because, even in the state she’s in, she doesn’t try to sink her knot into Clarke. Instead, she angles her thrusts to go as deep as she can possibly go without it and keeps thrusting, not giving Clarke time to recover, making her body ripple with aftershocks. 

She bites Clarke’s shoulder, not hard enough to break skin but hard enough for Clarke to whimper and tremble. Then pushes her dick as deep as she can go and comes, warm heat filling Clarke’s insides.

Clarke breathes deeply, trying to catch her breath. She hears the faint sounds of the world going on outside Lexa’s room. Lexa makes no move to pull out and Clarke doesn’t ask her to. 

They can have a minute. They deserve that, at least.

*

They make slow progress getting out Polis. Titus, in his eternal wisdom, insisted Lexa would leave with no less than her entire honor guard. 

Clarke can, regretfully, understand his reasoning, but maneuvering out of Polis with fourteen horses and their riders while people are crowding around them to catch a glimpse of Lexa is not exactly easy.

What is worse is that, instead of hurrying them along, Lexa actually stopped. She climbed off her horse and started walking alongside it all the way to the city gates, stopping every five minutes to receive a token, get handled a child or talk to someone that managed to sneak past the guards.

Which is not that hard, apparently. Lexa’s guards hardly react to the people approaching Lexa, so Clarke forces herself to relax, they’re not in danger here. 

It’s still a bit disconcerting, though. Lexa is in full blown Commander regalia, as striking as she is intimidating, but her people don’t seem to mind. They’re not afraid of her. Not even when she’s tense, in rut and looks ready for war.

Lexa’s people love her.

Clarke had noticed before in TonDC but seeing it now, after everything, fills her chest with an unwelcome warmth and a renewed sense of purpose. 

Lexa’s people trust them. They will not betray that trust. They will keep this peace. Even if it kills them both.

*

They arrive at Indra’s camp near midday. They have, of course, already prepared a tent for Lexa’s arrival. Indra waits for them inside.

As soon as they walk through the flaps, Indra’s eyes zero on the marks on Clarke’s neck. She straightens her back, fixing her eyes on the Commander. 

“Heda.”

Lexa nods. “Indra,” she says tersely, walking inside the tent with one hand clasped around her sword. 

After they were together, Lexa’s rut seemed to have calmed somewhat, but Clarke knows it won’t leave completely, not until she’s knotted her. Clarke has seen Lexa getting progressively tenser as the day wore on and her scent getting stronger. Strong to the point that Clarke is dangerously close to telling her to just drop her damn pants so she can blow her dick right there in front of Indra, if only so that she stops pumping pheromones and Clarke can  _ think _ of something besides having Lexa inside her. 

She shuts her eyes tight. Now is  _ not _ the time. 

When she opens them back up, Indra is looking right at her. It doesn’t feel judgemental, just inquisitive. As if Indra is trying to decide something. Clarke straightens and stares right back.

After a moment, the warrior seems to have found whatever she was looking for and nods. “Wanheda.”

Clarke is getting tired of trying to get people to use her damn name, so she just nods. 

Lexa seems to have wasted enough time on pleasantries. “How is the situation?” 

Indra barely conceals her snarl. “The same.”

She fills them in. Nothing has happened for the last couple of days, but according to the reports she’s been getting from Octavia, who has been sneaking in and out of Arkadia, Pike is rallying more support, day by day. There’s talk of an attack as soon as he is elected Chancellor. Her mother is under heavy fire as well, for resisting calling an election. Those supporting Pike call her a traitor, those not supporting Pike believe her weak for binding them to Lexa’s command. At this point, it’s either going to be war against the grounders or war inside Arkadia. 

Lexa growls. “If they dare attack us, we will _lay_ _waste_ to Arkadia.”

“They won’t,” Clarke says, “we will stop Pike.”

Lexa doesn’t look convinced. Clarke places a hand on her arm.

“We will,” She insists. 

It’s Indra who speaks next. “How do you plan to do that,  _ Wanheda _ ?”

Clarke has no idea. “I need to get into Arkadia.”

Indra evidently doesn’t like the idea but a glare from Lexa silences whatever objection she was about to make.

“Have Ambassador Kane and the Chancellor been informed of our arrival?” Lexa asks.

“Yes, Heda. They will be waiting for you at the gates.”

Lexa turns to Clarke. “Do you wish to go into Arkadia now?”

Indra frowns. Clarke is really getting tired of people acting so surprised when Lexa asks her opinion on anything. What kind of mates do the Commander’s usually have? Mutes?

It’s not worth dwelling on it now. Indra and Titus and everyone else can keep their opinions to themselves. She has more important things on her plate.

“Yes,” she answers.

“Very well. Let’s hope your people are willing to listen to reason.”

“Your people, too.” Clarke retorts.

Lexa tilts her head in acknowledgment. “So they are. Let us hope then, that  _ our _ people listen to reason.”

Something Clarke cannot decipher crosses Indra’s eyes. “Oh, they will. Or we will make them.”

Lexa smiles. 

Clarke’s stomach clenches. The feeling is not exactly unpleasant.

*

True to Indra’s words, Kane and her mother are waiting for them at the gates. Around them,  a crowd has gathered and are eyeing Lexa  _ and _ Clarke with equal amounts of curiosity and distrust.

The animosity in their eyes stings, but Clarke does her best to ignore it.

As soon as they get close enough, Kane’s face breaks out into a warm smile. Her mother, on the other hand, is tense, her nostrils flaring. Her eyes immediately fixate on Clarke’s neck. 

Clarke is not surprised, She is also not in the mood for her mother to get into a pissing contest she has no hope of winning with Lexa.

She edges closer to Lexa and lifts her chin. “Hi Mom. Kane.”

Her mother ignores her tense stance and takes a step forward, enveloping her in a hug. Clarke feels all the animosity leave her body almost at once. She hugs her mom back, clutching at her shirt.

When they part, her mom steps back and tilts her head to look into her eyes. 

“Mom,” Clarke says before she can say anything, “not now, OK?”

Her mom steals a glance to Lexa, her expression visibly darkening. “Commander.”

Lexa is not doing much better. The tension that has been accumulating all day is at it’s peak. Clarke can see her fighting back a snarl. 

“Chancellor,” she says. “Ambassador.”

There’s a few moments of strained silence that seem to stretch forever, until Kane speaks.

“Commander,” he says, “since it’s your first time in Arkadia, I thought perhaps you would enjoy a tour?”

Lexa tears her eyes from Clarke’s mom and tilts her head. “Thank you, Ambassador. I would enjoy that.”

She turns back to Clarke’s mother. “First, I’d like a moment alone with Clarke.”

Clarke’s mom looks ready to refuse, but she can’t. By all the laws of the Sky and the Ground, she is under Lexa’s command now. 

She smiles, her lips closed tightly. “Of course, Commander.” She turns to Clarke. “I will be in the medbay.”

Clarke nods. “I will be there after the tour.”

Kane and her mother leave them. They’re not alone but the people pretending to go about their day are of no concern for Clarke.

“Your mother does not seem pleased,” Lexa says.

Clarke wants to laugh. That’s an understatement if she ever heard one. “She was not in favor of our bonding.”

Lexa makes a sound of acknowledgment. Then, she tenses her jaw and claps her hands in front of herself. By now, Clarke has learnt to read her body language well enough to know something is bothering her. She lets Lexa take her time.

“Do you think anyone here could be a danger to you?” Lexa finally asks.

Clarke thinks about it. Would anyone be stupid enough to attack her with the Commander here, with her army at the gates?

She shakes her head. “I don't think so, why?” 

The tension in Lexa’s body is evident. Finally, she nods to herself, as if coming to a decision. “I think I should go to Kane’s,” she pauses, trying to recall Kane’s wording, “ _ tour _ by myself.”

That explains the hesitation. An Alpha in rut, leaving her mate alone in an unfamiliar place is, well, Clarke is pretty sure Lexa would rather chop her own arm off.

“Are you sure?” Clarke asks.

Lexa purses her lips but she nods. “Your people do not like me,” she says. “Or trust me. You need to be alone to gather information. Having me by your side at all times would disrupt that and it would also send the wrong message.”

Titus would think that it’d send exactly the  _ right _ message. That Wanheda no longer belongs to the Sky people. That she’s Lexa’s now.

Affection rises unbidden in her chest and Clarke does her level best to squash it down. 

*

Clarke looks for Raven first.

The first thing that she notices when she finds her it’s that there's no brace around her leg. The second is that as soon as Raven sees her a wide, serene smile breaks out in her face. 

Clarke blinks. “Raven, hi.”

“Clarke,” Raven says, her smile practically reaching her ears. “It’s great to see you.”

Since when? 

“It’s -” Clarke falters, “great to see you, too.”

Raven doesn't answer. There’s no recrimination about leaving, no comment about Lexa, nothing. Just silence. Silence and a wide, wide smile. 

There’s something about the way that Raven’s  _ still _ smiling that makes her skin crawl. “Raven, are you OK?”

Raven's gaze flickers behind Clarke. Clarke turns to look around, there’s nothing there. 

Clarke looks back and Rave’s smile turns indulgent, the way one would smile at a struggling child. “Of course Clarke,” she says, “are you?”

“Yes,” Clarke answers immediately, feeling defensive for no good reason. 

People shuffle in an out of the maintenance bay, but Raven’s eyes never leave Clarke’s. 

“I-” Clarke says, “How have things been, here? With Pike?”

Raven shrugs. “Some people like him, some people don’t. I’m not really that interested.”

“Raven,” Clarke says, “this is important.”

Something flashes in Raven’s eyes. “So you get to decide that, too?”

The accusation is the closest to normal Clarke’s heard in this entire conversation. She almost feels relieved instead of offended.

Immediately after saying the words, Raven turns her attention to look at the air beside Clarke. She follows Raven’s gaze: there’s still nothing there.

“Raven?”

Raven looks back at her, smile back on her face. “I’m sorry, Clarke,” she says, “but I have work to do.”

Just like that, she is gone. Clarke looks at the door for a long time, wondering what the hell just happened.

*

Kane’s tour starts on the outside, showing Arcadia's defenses and discussing his plans for the future. 

“And here,” he says, pointing at the blueprints on Lexa’s hands, “we would like to build a greenhouse, to plant during the winter. We think all of us could benefit from it. With the right arrangements for trade and help from the other clans, we could spend the winter months safe and well fed.”

Lexa considers the idea. She’s unfamiliar with the concept, but the Ambassador’s enthusiasm is contagious. “That would certainly be beneficial.”

Kane smiles at her. “We will work well together Commander, you’ll see. Skaikru will help the Coalition blossom.”

Lexa hopes so. After what it has cost to bring Skaikru into the Coalition, she hopes it’ll be worth it. It has to be. 

When Lexa looks up from the drawing, she finds Kane looking at her curiously.

“Forgive the intrusion Commander,” he says, “but how are you? I know us joining the Coalition has caused considerable turmoil for you.”

The question surprises her. How is she? It’s not something she’s asked much, if at all. She has no idea how to respond.

The boldness of the question should offend her but it doesn’t. There’s something about Kane, about his willingness to compromise, to sacrifice, his desire for peace that puts Lexa at ease.

“I’m well, Ambassador,” she answers. “I hope you are, too.”

Kane smiles.  “Shall we continue with the maintenance bay?”

“Lead the way.”

*

Clarke finds Bellamy next or he finds her, she’s not entirely sure. She just turns around as she’s about to exit the maintenance bay and he’s there, his mouth twisted in a grimace and his eyes hard.

_ So that’s how it’s going to be, _ Clarke thinks with equal amounts of disappointment and resignation.

He steps into the room. “So the mighty  _ Wanheda  _ has decided to grace us with her presence.”

The way he says it, with derision in his voice and his eyes cold  _ hurts _ . Clarke doesn’t even try to pretend it doesn’t. 

“I came here to help.”

Bellamy chuckles humorlessly.  “You came here to help? Clarke, you can’t help us. You’re one of them now.”

Something twists painfully inside her chest. “I’m not.” Clarke says, “Bellamy, you know I’m not.”

“Do I?” Bellamy takes a step closer and eyes the marks on Clarke’s neck in disgust. “Your neck says you are. Your  _ smell  _ says you are.”

“Bellamy, please,” Clarke says. “You know why I did this.”

She can’t cry now, not now. She  _ can’t _ .

“What I know, Clarke,” he replies, “is that you  _ left _ . You left me. You left everyone.”

“I had to,” Clarke insists, her eyes welling with tears. “I had to leave my people - I couldn’t - I”

“I wasn't your _people_ Clarke,” he says, “I was your _friend_. I pulled that lever with you and you _left_ _me_.”

It feels like she’s been punched in the gut. She can’t stop the tears from falling out, no matter how much she wants to. 

“Bellamy, I -”

“No, Clarke.” Bellamy says, “just, don’t. You  _ left _ . You have no idea what's been happening. You have no idea and now you come back here,  _ stinking _ of her, angling your neck to show her mark like she owns you. We pulled that lever because of her. Because  _ she _ betrayed us. And now you want me to trust her again just because she sank her knot into you and  _ bred _ you -”

He stops, suddenly. His eyes leave Clarke and fix behind her. Clarke doesn’t need to turn around to know who’s there. 

She’d know Lexa’s scent anywhere.

Bellamy smiles mockingly. "Of course," he says. "I’m sorry, Commander. Was she off your leash for too long?"

Lexa steps into the room. Behind her, Kane looks apprehensively at Clarke.

She feels the tension take ahold of the room. There’s no way this is going to end well. Some tiny terrible part of her, though, is delighted at the way Lexa steps in front of her, glaring at Bellamy and pumping out pheromones. This is her mate defending her.

Bellamy puffs out his chest in defiance and somehow, Lexa manages to look down on him while being two feet smaller.

"Bellamy of the Sky People," Lexa says, "I can see why Clarke considers you one of her greatest friends."

Bellamy has the grace to take that for the insult it evidently is. He snarls and opens his mouth to counter, but Kane stops him with a hand on his wrist. 

"Bellamy," he says, "that’s enough."

Bellamy looks at him as if he’s insane. Then he laughs.

"Fine." He throws up his hands in defeat. "Let her knot you right here for all I care."

That does it. In half a second, before either Clarke or Kane have time to react, Lexa kicks Bellamy’s legs from under him and traps his neck in her hand. 

Clarke puts a desperate hand on her arm. "Lexa!"

Lexa is not listening. Bellamy’s face is red, his eyes watering, he’s hitting Lexa’s arms with the hand Lexa has not trapped under one knee and Lexa _ is not listening. _

"Commander, he can’t breathe." Kane pleads.

"Lexa," Clarke tries again. "Lexa,  _ please _ ."

Lexa blinks. Looks at Bellamy’s eyes and at her hand around his neck as if she’s just realizing it’s there.

She lets go and Bellamy scrambles to his knees, coughing and trying to regain his breath. Kane grabs his arm to help him up, but he shakes it off.

When he looks at Clarke, his neck already bruising, he doesn’t look disgusted or condescending anymore. He doesn’t even look angry. He looks lost.

He leaves without saying a word and Kane follows him silently, closing the door behind him.

As soon as they’re alone Clarke crushes her body into Lexa’s.

Tentatively, Lexa returns the hug. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I know I said - he was insulting you and I let my instincts get the better of me.”

Clarke nods against her shoulder. “I know.”

She knows she shouldn’t reward Lexa’s instincts. She knows she doesn’t need the Alpha protecting her from Bellamy but after the day she’s had, after Bellamy and Titus, after Indra, Raven and even her mother’s worried eyes, she appreciates it. It feels good to have someone on her side, for once.

Clarke lets go with some difficulty and puts some distance between her and Lexa. Lexa doesn’t let go of her hips. 

“I need to go see my Mom,” Clarke says. “Are you finished with the tour?”

Lexa shakes her head. “No, the wonders of Arkadia seem to be never ending.”

Despite everything, Clarke smiles. Humor looks good on Lexa, It makes her look younger. 

“OK,” Clarke says, “I’ll meet you in the medbay? I can show you the medicine we were talking about.”

“That sounds good.”

A moment passes.

“Lexa, you actually have to let go of me.”

Color creeps up Lexa’s neck and Clarke can’t resist it anymore. She kisses her. 

Clarke meant for it to be a soft peck but before she even knows it, Lexa is deepening it, bringing Clarke closer by her hip and Lexa smells so good, and she fits against Clarke so well. She’s not sure how it happens, exactly, but when she realises what’s happening, Lexa has her sitting on a table and is pushing her down with her body and -

“Lexa wait,” she groans. “Stop.”

Lexa doesn’t. Instead, her hand creeps inside Clarke’s shirt. 

Clarke wants to let her. But they can’t, not here.

She grabs Lexa’s wrist. The Alpha growls and Clarke flinches, almost letting go.

“Lexa,” she repeats, “no.”

Lexa freezes, takes her hand from under Clarke’s shirt and jumps back as if burned. 

“I’m sorry,” she says.

Clarke gets off from the table and kisses the side of her jaw. 

“Hey, it's OK. I get it.” Boy, does she  _ ever _ get it. “Just, not here. OK?”

Lexa nods, keeping her eyes trained on the floor.

“I’ll see you in the medbay?”

“Yes,” Lexa says, still trying to get her breath under control. “Go. Please. Otherwise I-” she 

shakes her head, “tell Kane I’ll be out in a moment.”

Clarke wants to say something else but instead goes to find Kane. They still have work to do.

*

When Kane finally speaks, Lexa almost congratulates him for resisting until they were at the next stop in his tour. 

“He's a good man,” he says.

A good man. Lexa almost laughs. “It certainly seemed so.”

“I know it didn’t seem like it,” Kane says, “but he’s had a difficult time, his mate -”

Lexa holds up a hand to silence him. She already knows what happened. Nia killed forty-nine members of the Skaikru on Mount Weather and she felt Bellamy’s faded mark on his neck when she had her hand wrapped around it. It’s not hard to connect the dots. 

“I’ll hear no more about this, Ambassador,” she says. “Bellamy is no concern of mine.”

As long as he doesn’t come anywhere near Clarke. 

Kane nods. “Understood, Commander.”

She wonders if she was overly harsh but Kane, ever the diplomat, smiles at her as he gestures to a door. “Follow me, Commander. I want you to see our technology before heading to the medbay.”

*

Clarke enters the medbay and finds her mom deep in conversation with Jackson.

“Hey,” Clarke says.

They halt their conversation and turn to look at her. Jackson smiles warmly. Her mother’s expression immediately turns sour, her lips thinning. It’s not displeasure, not exactly, just a look of vague concern that is so  _ parental _ it has Clarke on edge instantly.

“Jackson,” she says. “Can you give us a minute?”

“Of course,” he replies. The smile on his face doesn’t falter one bit. “Hello, Clarke.”

Something about the way he’s smiling reminds Clarke of Raven and she can’t say exactly why. 

“Hi, Jackson.” 

When he leaves, her mother gestures for her to take a seat on one of the stretchers. Clarke complies and her mom walks to her. She searches Clarke’s face for a long moment, making her feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny. 

She grabs Clarke’s chin and tilts her head to one side to inspect the bites on the side of her neck. “Have you had anyone look at them?”

Clarke almost lies. “No,” she says, “but they healed fine.”

Her mother doesn’t look pleased by her answer. “They could have gotten infected.”

Clarke tilts her chin back, shaking the hands off. “They didn’t.”

She realises as soon as she’s said it that her words came out harsher than intended. She sighs. 

“I'm sorry,” she says. “I know I should have had them looked over, there was just a lot going on.”

Her mom looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. Instead, she takes a step back. 

“How are you Clarke?” She asks. “How is everything with the Commander?”

Clarke asks herself the same question about twenty times a day. “Fine. It’s good.”

When the silence has stretched long enough to become uncomfortable, Clarke decides now is as good a time as any. There’s no way she can say this that won’t make her mother react, so she just comes out with it. 

“I need a pregnancy test.”

As expected, her mom tenses at once and gives Clarke a look so sad and full of concern she can’t stand it.

“Mom,” she says.

Her mom, for once, understands what Clarke isn’t saying and doesn’t press the issue. 

“OK,” she says, carefully. “I’ll need to get some blood. Take off your jacket and roll up your sleeve.”

Clarke exhales in relief. She takes off her jacket and rolls up her sleeve automatically. 

When her mother comes back with the needle in hand she takes one look at Clarke and stops dead on her tracks.

Clarke frowns. Then she looks down on herself and sees what her mother is seeing. Her goddamned low-cut shirt barely hides the bruises Lexa left the previous day. Her mother’s eyes move from the bruises on her collarbone, to the ones at the top of her breasts, to the ones on her wrists. 

Clarke is about to say something when, of course, Lexa and Kane appear in the medbay. 

Clarke can’t help it, she tenses straight away. Her mother confronting Lexa is something she definitely does not need today. Her mom notices and Clarke can almost  _ see _ the wheels turning in her head and reaching exactly the wrong conclusion.

Her eyes narrow at Lexa and her fist closes around the needle so hard Clarke is surprised it doesn’t break in half.

Lexa must notice the tension in the room, because she approaches the pair slowly, as if her mother is a sleeping animal she’s afraid to disturb. 

“Is everything alright?” She asks.

Her mother is still shooting daggers at her, so Clarke rushes to reassure Lexa, desperately trying to avoid another confrontation. She brushes her fingers against Lexa’s hand and tilts her head to look into the Alpha’s eyes. 

“Yes,” she answers. “I’m just having a checkup.”

Her mother looks even more displeased at Clarke’s comforting gesture and Clarke wants to kick herself. The bruising, the pregnancy test and now Clarke is tensing and rushing to calm her Alpha as soon as she crosses the door.

Her mother is probably ready to rip Lexa’s throat out.

Thankfully, Kane notices the tension too and walks over to them, smile faltering but still firmly on his face. 

“Commander,” he says, “would you like to see the rest of the medbay facilities?”

Lexa doesn’t even look at him, her eyes still on Clarke. Behind her, Clarke’s mother has murder in her eyes. 

Clarke gives Lexa a look that hopes that conveys  _ ‘not now’ _ . Apparently, it’s enough to calm Lexa.

Lexa relaxes the set of her shoulders. “Thank you, Ambassador. I would like that.”

When Kane takes Lexa to the other corner of the medbay talking animately about their medicine, her mother rushes back to her side.

“Clarke,” she says, “are you? Is Lexa -” 

She doesn’t finish, either unable or unwilling to articulate her thoughts.

“No, Mom,” Clarke says, immediately. “Is not - really. It’s fine. It’s not like that.”

Her mom purses her lips. “Not like what, Clarke?”

Her mother wants her to spell it out. She doesn’t trust her judgement. Her poor Omega daughter in the hands of the big, bad Alpha. Clarke knows she means well, but it just makes her angry. She  _ knows _ what’s she’s doing. She’s not some helpless victim.

“Not how you’re thinking it is.” 

“So Lexa didn’t mark you and mate you the first chance she got?” Her mother asks. “She didn’t cause those bruises on your wrists? She’s not the reason you're asking for a pregnancy test?”

Clarke wishes intensely she was anywhere but here in this moment. There’s nothing she can say that will appease her mother now, not with Lexa and Kane in the same room. “Just” she says instead, “please. Just take the blood, Mom.”

“Clarke.”

“No, Mom,” Clarke interrupts. “Not now. Just take the blood.”

Her mom relents and does as Clarke asks, but when Kane and Lexa come back to her station, the look she gives Lexa is of barely concealed loathing.

Lexa doesn’t react. Instead, she looks at Clarke, raising one eyebrow in question. 

Clarke shakes her head minutely, but Lexa notices. She nods.

At least one Alpha in the room listens to her.

Her mom speaks first. “I’m guessing you’re here for more than just a tour, Commander?” 

Her tone is not hostile, not exactly but in Lexa’s state it’s surprising she doesn’t react at all. “You’re right, Chancellor.”

Clarke exhales. Politics. This, she can deal with.

“We’re here about Pike,” Clarke supplies.

Kane crosses his arms. “Yes,” he says, “he’s been gaining support steadily. We were forced to call for an election.”

Her mother nods. “Three days from now.” 

The Commander mulls the words over for a moment. “We will discuss a plan of action tomorrow.”

Clarke frowns. “Tomorrow?”

Tomorrow? They have three days until the election. There’s no time to waste.

“Yes,” Lexa says. Her tone brooks no argument. Clarke is about to protest when Lexa subtly shakes her head. 

Clarke grits her teeth. Lexa  _ better _ have a good reason for this.

Thankfully, no matter how mad and how wrong about Lexa her mother might be, she’s not crazy enough to openly defy the Commander of the Thirteen Clans.

“Of course, Commander,” she says. “We can have a room prepared for you..and Clarke.”

Lexa shakes her head. “Thank you, Chancellor, but Clarke and I will be staying at our camp.”

That obviously displeases her mother, but Clarke can’t really say anything that won’t make the situation worse. There really is no subtle way of saying Mom, don’t worry, Lexa is not sexually assaulting me. 

Eventually, her mother has no choice but to comply. She tilts her head in acceptance. “As you wish, Commander.”

“Clarke and I will be here tomorrow morning to discuss the future of the Skaikru within the coalition.”

Her mother nods.

“Commander,” Kane says. “Let me walk you to the gate.”

“Thank you, Ambassador,” Lexa replies. “Chancellor.”

Her mother barely inclines her head in deference but it seems enough for Lexa. “Commander.” 

Clarke says her own goodbyes and walks out next to Lexa avoiding her mother’s worried eyes.

*

By the time they enter the tent, Clarke has worked herself into a dark mood. Lexa talks big game, but the  _ first _ chance she gets she's deciding for both of them, in front of her mother and Kane, making Clarke obey her command with a shake of her head.  Rut or no rut, Lexa had no right to do that.

As soon as they’re inside, Lexa sits on the edge of the bed and folds her hands together carefully. Clarke busies herself by taking out her frustration on her jacket, taking it off and  throwing it on the bed with as much strength as she can muster. It’s not as satisfying as she hoped. 

The truly terrible thing is that despite wanting to whack Lexa over the side of her head, her scent still has Clarke unable to think straight. She’s just  _ sitting _ there, back straight and hands folded and Clarke wants to climb onto her lap and grind into her until Lexa can’t take it anymore and fucks the dark mood out of her.

She takes a deep breath. She needs to focus on the anger inside her chest instead of on the heat between her thighs.

She turns to look at Lexa. “What was that about?”

But Lexa is not looking at her, her eyes firmly set on Clarke’s breasts. Her lips are parted and she’s breathing hard. Clarke feels her stomach tighten.

Jesus Christ, not  _ now _ . 

“Lexa,” Clarke says. “Can you please  _ focus _ for a second?”

Lexa looks up, startled. Then, she sees the look on Clarke’s face and turns serious again. “I know you are angry, Clarke -”

“Of course I’m angry, Lexa!” Clarke exclaims, “you said we were doing this  _ together _ and the first chance you’ve got, you decide for  _ both _ of us.”

That makes Lexa react. She jumps from the bed and snarls. Clarke flinches instinctively and Lexa takes a step back, clenching her fists.

“That’s not what I meant.”

Clarke crosses her arms over her chest protectively. “And what  _ did _ you mean?”

Color raises in Lexa’s neck. “This rut... I can’t think properly. I needed some time to center myself.”

Clarke really hopes she doesn’t mean centering herself with a little help from her. Clarke knows she’s the one that offered, but the thought of just being something Lexa uses to get rid of her rut makes her irrationally angry.

“And I- ” Lexa continues, “I wanted to talk to you first.”

She hesitates, clenching her jaw.

“To see what you’d found out,” she explains, “so we could present an united front. I’m sorry if it seemed as if I was deciding for you. I should have asked. I’m just not used to this.”

That gives Clarke pause. She tilts her head and narrows her eyes at Lexa. “To what? Omegas wanting to have any say in things?”

“No, I -” Lexa says, “asking. I spent most of my life taking orders and then giving them, I’m not - I’m trying.”

The realisation surprises Clarke. She’s so used to seeing every relationship in terms of Alpha’s and Omegas, of hierarchies and instincts, that it never occurred to her it might not be about that. 

Lexa is not used to needing to check anybody’s opinions, ever. She’s the Commander, she has final say on everything. Titus and her Ambassadors and all those Generals may offer their advice but she doesn’t have to listen to them. Doesn’t listen to them, most often than not.

But she listens to Clarke, has always listened - even before the bond, before the Mountain. 

Clarke walks back into Lexa’s space and puts one hand on her arm. “OK,” she says, “I’m sorry I overreacted.”

Lexa tilts her head. “I thought I was the one apologizing.”

Clarke smiles. “You don’t have a monopoly on apologies, Lexa.”

It shouldn’t be a big deal, Clarke knows. It shouldn't make her feel like her heart is going to leap out of her chest, having Lexa listen to her. But it is, and it does.

She has spent so long fighting tooth and nail for people to _just_ _listen_ , that it feels momentous when Lexa does, no questions asked. Clarke doesn't have to do anything for her respect, doesn't have to prove she deserves it despite being an Omega, she just has it. She’s had it since she walked into Lexa’s tent and the Alpha didn’t question why it was her, and unmated Omega, that wanted to conduct negotiations.

Lexa doesn’t have to listen to her, Clarke knows. If Lexa wanted to, it would only take one snarl and a some pheromones and Clarke would obey. Her body would make sure she did. Given enough time, Clarke would stop voicing opinions altogether, her instincts forcing her to avoid displeasing her Alpha. She’s seen it happen. She’s talked to enough morose Omega’s who’d defend their Alphas, even when they would barely dare to speak in their presence. 

“Clarke?” Lexa asks after a few moments of silence.

Clarke kisses her. 

Lexa kisses back without missing a beat, her lips moving over Clarke’s softly. Clarke can feel the tension underneath the slowly moving lips, but Lexa keeps it soft. After a few agonizing moments of nothing but feather light lips brushing against her own, Clarke takes matters into her own hands. She loops her arms around Lexa’s neck, sucking onto her bottom lip and then tracing it with her tongue.  

Lexa answers back in kind. She grabs Clarke’s waist and deepens the kiss, pushing her tongue inside Clarke’s mouth, her hands digging on Clarke’s flesh. Lexa’s slowly losing her grip on her control. Her kiss gets rougher, wetter, her hands start pulling Clarke to her body, her pheromones enveloping both in a haze. 

Clarke can feel the animal instinct kick in and almost sighs in relief. For a moment there, she was kissing  _ Lexa _ , without anything to blame it on.

Lexa takes control after that, putting one hand on the small of Clarke’s back and guiding them to the bed. She starts clutching at Clarke’s jacket desperately, biting Clarke’s bottom lip and grinding into her. 

Clarke groans. She’s so ready for Lexa. She’s always ready for Lexa, but this time? This time she can feel Lexa’s hard-on even through both their pants and she’s  _ dripping _ for her. This time, they’re not leaving this tent until Lexa knots her.

Lexa puts her hand inside Clarke’s shirt, and Clarke whines in pleasure. She doesn’t  even care how needy, how desperate she sounds. She  _ is _ needy and desperate, Lexa’s fingertips against her ribs make her groan and arch in pleasure. She needs Lexa’s hands on her skin or she’s going to die.

Lexa keeps on kissing her, her tongue tracing the roof of Clarke’s mouth as she moves her hand to massage one breast. She squeezes it roughly in her palm and then moves to pinch one nipple, deftly rolling it between her fingers.

Clarke stomach clenches and, God, she is  _ soaked _ .

Lexa breaks the kiss, leaving Clarke momentarily dazed, like all the air has been knocked out of her lungs. She whines and blindly palms at Lexa’s back, trying to get her to start kissing her again.

Lexa growls. “Stop, Clarke.”

Clarke’s hands freeze.  “ _ Please _ , Lexa.”

Lexa shakes her head, removes herself from Clarke’s and starts working the zipper on the Omega’s jacket. The sound of the zipper carries through the tent and Clarke follows its movements with an arch of her back. When she’s done, she takes Clarke’s shirt off, pushing it up with both hands, her thumbs tracing the underside of Clarke’s breasts. 

Once the offending garment is removed, Lexa moves her mouth to Clarke’s breasts, sucking, biting and running her tongue over Clarke’s nipples. When Lexa’s tongue touches them, they harden under her tongue. Clarke can’t even bring herself to care that’s her breasts are going to be covered with fresh bruises come morning.

When Clarke is a whimpering and moaning mess under her, Lexa removes her mouth from Clarke’s glistening breasts. She hovers over Clarke and starts undoing the fastening of her own jacket. She looks right at Clarke and then at her crotch with a raise of her eyebrows. 

Clarke gets the message, the slight gesture of dominance making her nearly tremble. She sits on the bed as best as she can with Lexa straddling her thighs. She leans forward until her nose is almost at Lexa’s crotch. Her mouth waters.

She starts undoing the laces of Lexa’s pants. She looks up through her eyelashes to see Lexa’s looking down at her as if she’s the only thing that could ever matter in the universe. Once she’s done, she lowers Lexa’s pants to the Alpha’s thighs and palms Lexa’s clothed erection, painfully hard already and clearly visible through her underwear. When Lexa groans and thrusts her hips into her hand, she slips it into the Alpha’s underwear and closes her fist around Lexa’s girth. She’s so hard, so thick and heavy, how did she ever manage to go an entire day without having Lexa inside her?

With her other hand, she pulls down Lexa’s underwear so her erection can sping free. Lexa allows her to pump a couple of times more. When Clarke is about to close her mouth around Lexa’s dick, though, when she's about flick her tongue over Lexa’s head to taste the bit of precum waiting for her, Lexa stops her with a hand in her hair. 

Clarke wants to cry.

Lexa tilts her head up and gives her a look that almost makes her come on the spot. “Lay back on the bed.”

Clarke’s back is against the furs in one second, spreading her legs for Lexa. While the Commander finishes taking her clothes off, one of Clarke’s hand slips under her own pants and finds her clit. She starts rubbing harshly, trying to get some respite from the fact that Lexa is  _ still _ not inside her. 

When Lexa notices, she grabs Clarke’s wrists and takes her hands away from her pussy, pinning them over her head.

She growls.

“Please, Lexa,” Clarke begs unashamedly. “Please. I need you inside.”

Lexa takes pity on her and unbuttons her pants. Clarke wiggles out of them, desperate to have them  _ off _ .  Lexa then spreads Clarke’s legs and positions herself between them, taking her time caressing the inside of Clarke’s thighs. She takes her hand to Clarke’s soaked panties, rubbing Clarke’s clit through the fabric. 

Clarke trembles in pleasure, but it’s not  _ enough _ . “Lexa.”

Lexa smirks and finally,  _ finally _ , takes her underwear off. She discards the panties on the bed and without warning, shoves two fingers inside her in one, swift thrust. Clarke’s so wet and so ready they go in knuckle deep with no resistance. When Lexa’s thumb presses on her clit as she curls those fingers inside her, Clarke cries out in pleasure.

“More,” Clarke begs, “harder.”

Lexa moves her mouth back to Clarke’s, effectively silencing her moans and whimpers as she pumps in and out of her steadily, until Clarke is tensing, writhing, just on the edge of release. Lexa is pushing her hand with her hips, thrusting forward with every movement and Clarke can’t take it anymore.

And then, when she’s  _ just _ on the edge, teetering on the brink of release, Lexa removes her fingers.

Clarke whines in into her mouth, canting her hips in desperation. Lexa doesn’t stop kissing her, and then moves her hand in between them and guides the tip of her dick to Clarke’s entrance. She starts slowly, giving Clarke time to adjust to her inner muscles accommodating to fit Lexa’s member. Once she’s comfortably sheathed, balls-deep inside her, she starts moving.

And  _ fuck _ , she starts just  _ plowing _ into Clarke, fucking her so deep and so hard she’s half crazy from it after a few hard thrusts.

“Clarke,” Lexa groans against her neck, “Gods, you’re so tight.”

Clarke can’t even breathe long enough to formulate a response. 

Lexa moves her hands to her thighs and settles them against her shoulders and oh  _ fuck _ , Lexa is going even deeper. She’s pulling out until only the tip of her dick is inside and then ramming back in, hitting the right spot every time and Clarke can’t fucking breathe.

“Harder,” Clarke says, “fuck, I’m so close. Lexa, please.”

Lexa growls, rams in a couple more time as deep as she can go and when Clarke is just about ready to burst, takes her cock out of her and flips her over unceremoniously. 

Clarke yelps in surprise and tries to move to get on all fours, but Lexa grabs her wrists and pins her down on the bed.

Clarke whimpers and shows her neck. That seems to appease Lexa enough for the Alpha to grab her by the hips and lift her up, plunging back into Clarke with one hard thrust.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Clarke moans. It’s so deep, so good and she can feel Lexa’s knot already forming, teasing her entrance every time the Alpha pushes in. She rolls her hips, pushing her ass against Lexa’s groin.  

“Lexa, god,” she moans, “fuck,  _ please _ . Please Lexa, I need your knot inside me.”

Lexa growls and thrusts harder, lifting her hips some more until Clarke’s bracing her weight on her elbows, her face against the furs. Lexa’s hands are back at her breasts, squeezing them and pinching her nipples while the Alpha continues to drill into her.

Clarke is going to feel this for days to come. Lexa feels so big inside her, she’s going so deep, filling her up so completely with her dick. She feels Lexa’s teeth graze her shoulder and a wave of pleasure rushes through her. She wants Lexa to bite her, to knot her. Fuck, she wants Lexa to fill her up with cum and  _ breed _ her. 

When Lexa pinches her nipple again as she thrusts inside, hitting that perfect spot, Clarke shuts her eyes tight and comes, her inner walls spasming around Lexa’s girth.

Lexa doesn’t slow down. She keeps going while Clarke screams and her cunt clenches around her dick. Then she pushes in one last time, to the hilt. 

Clarke feels the knot trying to make her entrance stretch enough for it to pop inside. Suddenly taking Lexa’s knot inside her feels just as impossible as the first time. It’s too big, too thick and Clarke feels her pussy already full to bursting with the Alpha’s dick. But God, she wants it, she needs it inside her.

She can feel the Alpha hesitating behind her. She turns around as best as she can and looks right into Lexa’s eyes. “Please Lexa,  _ please _ knot me.”

Lexa’s eyes flash and she nods. She starts giving shallow thrusts, grunting with each one, making her knot sink slowly into Clarke. Each millimeter brings a sting as Clarke is stretched as far as she can be around Lexa’s knot, her body accommodating to make way for the Alpha’s member. Then, Lexa sinks her fingers hard into her ass, spreading her cheeks and pushing her onto her knot. Clarke buries her face into the furs and bites back a scream. Either Lexa’s rut is making her knot bigger or Clarke’s tighter because,  _ fuck _ it’s big.

“Fuck, Clarke,” Lexa says, “you’re so tight. I can barely fit my knot into you.”

Clarke whimpers and moves her face so that her cheek is against the furs as another millimeter sinks in. “Please, God, “ she moans, “I -  _ fuck _ , it’s for you, only for you.” 

Lexa growls, pushing hard against Clarke’s unyielding entrance. Her hand moves to Clarke’s clit and rubs it methodically, making wetness slide down Clarke’s thigh and her body accept more and more of Lexa’s knot inside.

Finally, after one last hard thrust, her knot pops into Clarke. Clarke sighs in relief. God, she’s so full.

“Clarke,” Lexa grunts and starts pumping again. She braces her weight on her palms at either side of Clarke’s head and pushes her flat against the mattress. With her knot deep inside Clarke, tightly sealed around her pussy, Lexa starts rutting into her, moving just millimeters at a time and then she’s coming, filling Clarke with her seed. Thrust after thrust sending more and more into Clarke’s willing womb, until Clarke is positive she’s filled to the brim with Lexa’s cock, her knot and her cum. 

Lexa sinks her teeth into Clarke’s shoulder, probably leaving another bruise and sighs, managing one last thrust before collapsing on top of her.

*

Clarke shifts on the bed and sighs, they will be tied for a while. The other times Lexa knotted her were during her heat and after Lexa’s fight an on both instances, one of them passed out from exhaustion almost immediately after.

This time, however, despite Lexa’s rut taking a toll on her and the day Clarke’s had, they’re both wide awake.

It should be uncomfortable or even awkward but it’s not, not really. Clarke can feel Lexa’s breasts against her back, her breath on her shoulder and her knot inside her. It feels right. She decides not to dwell too much on that.

Instead, she focuses on the warmth of Lexa’s body, on Lexa’s nose nuzzling her neck and on Lexa’s hands around her waist. 

“Your mother doesn’t seem pleased about our union.”

Clarke laughs, it makes her clench down on Lexa’s knot and she groans. “No, she’s not.”

Lexa’s answer is to make a sound of acknowledgment against Clarke’s shoulder.

“You don’t seem concerned,” Clarke says.

She can feel Lexa shrug behind her. “Is there anything I can do to change her mind?”

Not really. This is something between her mother and her. Lexa confronting her mother about it would  _ definitely _ not help matters. Clarke grabs Lexa’s hand and settles it over her stomach, intertwining their fingers. 

“Just,” Clarke says, “don’t confront her. She’s worried about me.”

Lexa nods. “I won’t.”

The silence stretches for a long moment while Clarke traces the back of Lexa’s hand with her thumb. 

She has a question on her mind she doesn’t know how to ask. Lexa has never been exactly forthcoming about the subject of family, but Clarke figures having her knot still tightly sealed inside her entitles her to some questions. 

She hopes.

“What about you?” She asks, “are your parents -”

Lexa shakes her head before Clarke finishes voicing the question, her nose brushing against her neck. “No.”

Clarke is disappointed, but prepared to let it lay when Lexa speaks again. 

She tightens her grip on Clarke. “As you may have noticed, Commanders are not encouraged to take mating bonds.”

Clarke snorts. “I never would have noticed.” 

Lexa doesn’t laugh. “Even so, any child of a Commander has a greater chance of being a Nightblood, and Polis is always in need of new Nightbloods.”

Clarke really would like to be able to see Lexa’s eyes.

“So we  _ are _ encouraged to provide them,” Lexa says.

She doesn’t elaborate and Clarke is grateful. It doesn’t take much to imagine it, the Commander could probably walk into any village and willing and unwilling Omegas would be thrown at her feet. Clarke doesn’t want to ask if Lexa has ever provided Polis with any Nightbloods. She can’t.

“I was one of those children,” Lexa says.

Oh. 

“So your sire was the Commander?”

Lexa hums in response. “I never met him. He died shortly after I was born, too young to be in Polis’ care. By the time I went there, a new Commander had taken his place.”

Clarke traces the tendons of Lexa’s arm. “And your mother?”

“I never saw her again,” Lexa explains, “by the time I was called to lead my people we had war with Azgeda, war with the Mountain and then a fragile coalition I couldn’t risk jeopardizing more than I already had.”

_ Love is weakness, _ Clarke remembers.

“When I returned to my village as Commander, she was long gone.”

It’s all Lexa seems willing to share and Clarke doesn’t want to press. “Thank you for telling me.”

Lexa shakes her head.  

The unspoken lingers between them but Clarke doesn’t want to bring up the issue. When her mom gets back with the results, then they’ll have to decide what to do. Lexa, who must know as well as she that Clarke is probably expecting one of those children, seems willing to wait for Clarke to broach the subject. 

First, they need to build a future. They need to build peace. For the first time since the Mountain, maybe even before that, Clarke knows she’s not alone. Whatever may come, they’re in this together. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! If you have a minute, i would love to hear what y'all think. 
> 
> i also have a little question for you, i've been asked to include some anal in this. i know some people hate it and some love it, so i would like to hear your yays or nays on the subject. and don't worry, if the nays win out, you're all welcome to prompt me for some pwp. <3 i might also have some fluff coming your way to counter all this sin because i'm a sap at heart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello darlings!
> 
> first of all, i’m really, really, really sorry about the delay. i have no excuses other than a lot of stuff going on in my personal life (nothing bad, don’t worry, just busy!) and that parts of this chapter game me (a lot of) some trouble. 
> 
> thank you so much for all the encouragement and love i received these last weeks, you’re all a treasure. i know that i say this a lot, but please believe i meant it 100% when i tell you the amount of love and kindness you throw my way makes me mushy inside and brings a smile to my face.
> 
> as usual, thanks to my beta JPuzzle (@jixorpuzzle) for doing the lords work and editing this monster for me, talking me through it despite our annoyingly conflicting timezones and being generally awesome. actually, double thanks for looking over this while sick and generally having a difficult week, i appreciate it more than you know.
> 
> special thanks to melo_nanda (@nobulletprooflesbian) as well for letting me shout at her about this and being all kinds of kind and encouraging. <3
> 
> some of you already do, but y’all are welcome to hang with me at @jonvonneumann on tumblr, i’m always happy to chat with any of you. 
> 
> finally, please read the added tags but i need to add a trigger warning for this. i you are unconcerned and would like to remain unspoiled, just skip the next bit.
> 
> .  
> .  
> .
> 
> warning: this chapter describes some events that are very reminiscent of the ones transpired in 3x07. please, believe me when i tell you this does not, let me stress this, does not end the same way at all but if you don’t feel up to reading it, please, please skip it. The possibly triggering bits are marked with three bolded asterisks. 
> 
> so, once you reach:
> 
> “Tomorrow, they’ll meet up with the world again. Tomorrow they’ll be the leaders their people need. Right now, they can have a moment to breathe.”
> 
> just skip ahead until you see three bolded asterisks "***".
> 
> stay safe and i hope this doesn’t put any of you out of reading this story.

Clarke blinks. For a moment, she feels disoriented and her body tenses, not recognizing her surroundings. Then, she feels the press of Lexa’s breasts against her back, Lexa’s nose against her shoulder and Lexa’s arm firmly wrapped around her waist.

She relaxes back into the furs with a sigh. She tries to go back to sleep, but by the light filtering through the flaps of Lexa’s tent, it’s clear it’s close to mid-morning. She reins in the urge to groan. She’s pleasantly sore, warm and surrounded by Lexa. She’d honestly like nothing more than to just stay exactly where she is for another hour at least, but they really don’t have time to spare.

Clarke carefully moves Lexa’s arm from her waist and sighs, feeling colder instantly. She sits up on the bed and arches her back. Lexa grunts beside her, blindly palming Clarke’s empty space.

Clarke smiles. She wants to thread her fingers through Lexa’s tangled hair. She decides on shaking her gently by her shoulder instead.

Lexa mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like _‘no’_ , burying her head further into the furs.

Clarke bites her lip to keep from laughing. The mighty Commander of the Thirteen Clans. The fierce warrior that united twelve warring nations, whining like a pup that doesn’t want to get out of bed. Clarke is tempted to let her sleep longer, to let her have a little more time when the fate of their people doesn’t rest on her shoulders and Lexa can just _be_ but she can’t.

She shakes Lexa’s shoulder again, more forceful this time. “Lexa, wake up.”

Lexa grumbles again but her eyes slowly flutter open. She blinks once, then twice and Clarke notices the change in her as soon as she’s fully conscious. The muscles in her back tense, the line of her mouth hardens and the softness of her eyes declines, though it doesn’t disappear completely.

“Hi,” Clarke says.

Lexa sits up on the bed, pinching the bridge of her nose and stifling a yawn. “Hello, Clarke.”  

They stay like that for a moment, naked, sitting on the bed and awkwardly avoiding each other's eyes. Clarke can tell that Lexa’s rut has calmed because the energy around them is not sexual, not exactly.  It’s just _charged_ , like a hot, humid day that’s just waiting for the thunderstorm to come.

“Good morning,” Lexa says, smiling.

Something flutters inside Clarke’s chest and she coughs, trying to fill the silence. Lexa’s smile falters and Clarke doesn’t know what to say. They’re not at Polis in Lexa’s tower. There’s no knock on the door to save them, nowhere Clarke can run to change. It’s just them, naked, awkward and silent.

It’s clear that Lexa feels it too. She looks lost, uncharacteristically hesitating before getting up.

Clarke sighs. “We should get ready to meet with my mom and Kane.”

Lexa nods. “Yes,” she says. “Yes, we should.”

By now, simply dressing up together should feel like nothing after all they’ve done. After having Lexa’s knot inside her, after having Lexa trailing kisses all over her body, watching the Alpha awkwardly searching for her underwear should be easy, but it’s not. It feels strange, intimate in a whole other way. It’s awkward but at the same time, there’s a comfort, like walking by a place you used to know, finding it different and similar at the same time. Strangeness, contentment and familiarity wrapped into one.

Clarke shakes her head. This stupid bond is fucking with her brain worse than she thought.

*

Once they’re done, Lexa goes outside the tent and, after a few minutes, returns with a young Grounder by her side.

“Wanheda,” the boy says with a bow.

Clarke nods in response, unsuccessfully trying to relax when his Omega scent reaches her nose.

Lexa sits down on a chair and the boy moves behind her. He starts studiously undoing Lexa’s tangled braids one by one with practiced hands.

Clarke resists the urge to growl. Obviously Lexa can’t do the braids herself. Obviously she needs help. Obviously she can’t ask _Clarke_ for help because Clarke doesn’t know how to do them and clearly Lexa would much rather have some Grounder’s hands on her that knows how to do them right and of course it’s not Clarke’s place to -

“The Commander informs me you might be interested in learning how to do the braids, Wanheda,” the Grounder says. “Would you like to do so now?”

Clarke blushes. “Yeah,” she says, “thank you.”

The warrior goes through the process of carefully teaching Clarke how to do Lexa’s ridiculously intricate braids. It’s not easy, and she will probably botch it up when she has to do it alone, but her inner Omega is dancing with joy at the prospect of being the one in charge of this part of her Alpha’s routine.

She shakes her head and tries to concentrate but all she can seem to focus on is on how it feels to have her fingers threaded into Lexa’s hair, how soft and silky it is. She grabs each thread, carefully separating in three, threading them together as slowly as she can, trying to savor the moment for reasons she doesn’t feel inclined to analyze.

She feels clumsy and out of her element but Lexa doesn't seem to mind, relaxing into Clarke's touch far more that she does when the boy’s hands replace Clarke’s to show her something.

Lexa is silent during the process, focused on re-reading Indra’s correspondence from the past few weeks and not reacting when Clarke clumsily tugs on her hair a little too hard.

“Is that too tight?” Clarke asks, finishing up one of the braids.

Lexa shakes her head. “No,” she says, though her voice sounds clipped. “It’s perfect.”

“Very good, Wanheda,” the Grounder praises. “Be careful with the left side, it has to be even.”

Clarke nods and sets to redo the first braids on Lexa’s left.

If Lexa notices she does it a little slower and with a little more tenderness than strictly required, she doesn’t show it.

*

After the warrior leaves, they are left alone again. A little of the awkwardness is gone, but still Clarke shifts nervously from foot to foot, not sure what to do with the energy surrounding them.

“Would you like me to braid your hair?” Lexa asks.

Clarke hesitates. Walking into Arkadia with Grounder braids on her hair might not be the best idea. Try as she might, though, she can’t bring herself to care what her people will think, not after the way the looked at her yesterday when she walked in with Lexa by her side.

“OK,” she says. “Something simple, please.”

Lexa nods and gestures for Clarke to take a seat on the chair she was just occupying. Clarke does and Lexa steps behind her.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve done this,”  Lexa says. “It probably won’t look as good as what your handmaidens can do back at Polis.”

Clarke doesn’t really care about how good it looks and, if she’s honest with herself, her Omega definitely doesn’t want any hands on her besides Lexa’s.

“It’s OK,” she replies. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Lexa nods and sets to work.

Clarke wonders how is it possible, exactly, that someone who’s been trained for weapons and warfare all her life, who's known very little besides hardship and violence can thread her fingers into her hair and carefully untangle the knots there with deft, tender touches that barely feel there at all.

“What did you learn yesterday?” Lexa asks after a few minutes.

Clarke has to blink to focus. The soft, rhythmic movement of Lexa’s fingers on her hair has her in a near trance.

“Not much,” she replies, and it’s true. “I only really talked to a couple of people. Bellamy seems to be on Pike’s side, that’s bad. What did you think?”

“I didn’t exactly receive a warm welcome yesterday,” Lexa replies, “not many members of Skaikru clamoring to talk to me.”

“Yeah,” Clarke says, remembering the side eyes and hateful glances she too received, “me neither.”

Lexa growls behind her.

Clarke tenses on instinct and turns to look at her. “Lexa,” she says, “you need to be patient. My people are just scared, they don’t know you.”

Lexa frowns at her, tilting her head. “Clarke,” she says, “I know they have no reason to trust me.”

Clarke’s confusion must be plain on her face, because Lexa elaborates.

“I saw the way they were looking at you,” Lexa explains, “your people. You should have been recieved a hero and instead you get mistrust and contempt.”

Oh, a _hero_. Clarke shakes her head. She was never a hero, she just did what needed to be done.

“You saved them from the mountain,” Lexa continues, “you secured the alliance that brought them the peace they so desperately want to destroy. _You_ are the reason they are alive and still -”

Clarke puts a hand on Lexa’s arm to stop her and smiles. She knows part of it is Lexa’s protective instincts at her mate being mistreated but still, the knowledge that she has Lexa squarely on her side, well, it helps.

Lexa smiles back and when Clarke fears she might do something very stupid like say what’s on her mind, she turns around and Lexa continues with her work on her hair.

After a few minutes of stilted silence, Clarke speaks up again.

“I don’t know what we should do,” she says, “we _can’t_ let Pike win that election.”

“Strictly,” Lexa replies, “he is a traitor. It’s well within our rights to execute him.”

The sad thing is that Clarke actually considers it before shaking her head.

“No,” she says, “that won’t work. Someone else will take his place if we just increase the fear.”

Lexa hums, tightening the braids atop Clarke’s head. “So it would,” she says. “What do you propose?”

Clarke has no idea. “Let’s talk to my mom and Kane,” she answers. “I think the best we can do it’s make sure everybody knows that Pike is lying and you aren’t going to attack Arkadia.”

“Will they believe me?” Lexa asks.

Clarke shrugs. “I don’t know,” she says, “but we have to try.”

*

Clarke crosses the gates of Arkadia with her head held high. She receives some looks at her Grounder clothes, her Grounder braids and her Grounder mate. She knows what it looks like, like she’s just abandoned them again in favor of Lexa and her people. She wishes she could somehow make them _understand_ it’s not like that, that Lexa and her are more on their side than Pike will ever be.

Her mother and Kane are waiting by the gates of the Ark. Clarke checks her coat carefully, making sure absolutely no bruises are visible. It probably won’t help much with her mother, who will likely smell the duller edge of Lexa’s pheromones right away. That, combined with Lexa’s scent on Clarke being stronger than usual will be more than enough. It won’t take a genius to figure out what happened.

“Commander,” Kane says.

Lexa nods to Kane and Clarke’s mother in turn. “Ambassador, Chancellor.”

Kane turns to Clarke, smiling kindly. “Hello, Clarke.”

“Hi, Kane,” Clarke replies.

Clarke’s mother doesn’t say anything, she just nods at both of them for all greeting. She also eyes Lexa, clearly displeased by something.

Clarke catches herself tugging on the end of one of her braids subconsciously and clenches her fist.

“Should we go in?” She asks.

Kane nods, gesturing towards the door. “Of course,” he says. “Follow me.”

They walk inside the Ark in uncomfortable silence, none of them bothering with small talk.

Kane guides them to one of the Ark’s many rooms where they gather around a high table. For a long moment, nobody speaks. Her mom is still stealing glances at Lexa and Clarke can tell it’s starting to get on the Alpha’s nerves.

Clarke clenches her fist to keep from reassuring Lexa with a touch, as she’s become accustomed to do. Her mother would probably read something nefarious into that as well.

Kane clears his throat. “Should we begin?”

Clarke takes her eyes off Lexa with some difficulty and nods. “Yeah,” she says.

“Yes,” Lexa agrees and gets right into business. “What do you think are the chances of Pike winning your election?”

Kane sighs and looks at Clarke’s mom. She shrugs.

“We can’t tell for certain,” her mom says, “but it’s not unlikely.”

Lexa nods and frowns, deep in thought.

“What weapons do you have at your disposal?” she asks after a few moments.

“We have guns: handguns and semi-automatic weapons,” Kane replies, “and all the weapons left at Mount Weather.”

Clarke stomach drops. That’s a lot of firepower. It’s probably not enough to win a war, not against Lexa’s numbers, but it would be carnage. Until Lexa’s army manages to overrun Arkadia, the Grounders will bleed, and then nothing will appease them but total annihilation of Clarke’s people.

Lexa turns to look at her and at once, Clarke knows what she’s thinking. She doesn’t like the idea and her mother will like it even less, but they don’t have a choice, not really.

She nods.

“I will have those weapons delivered to my camp before the election,” Lexa commands.

Clarke’s mother’s eyes widen. “What?”

Lexa doesn’t react and Clarke’s mother turns to her, clearly outraged. Clarke doesn’t say anything and so her mother turns back to Lexa, a snarl on her mouth.

“You,” she says, “intend to leave us with no way to _defend_ ourselves?”

Lexa growls, not taking kindly to Clarke's mother’s defiance. “The Coalition will defend you,” she says through clenched teeth. “I intend to leave you with no means to wage _war_ against it.”

“Mom,” Clarke interjects before the tension escalates even further, “please think about this clearly. Pike wants to use those weapons to attack us as soon as he’s elected.”

Her mom turns to Clarke, disbelief etched on her face. “Attack _us?”_

Clarke doesn’t stand down. “Yes,” she says, “ _us._ The coalition we’re all part of.”

Her mother takes a step forward in Clarke’s direction and before Clarke can react, Lexa steps in front of her.

*****

Lexa feels Clarke’s hand on her arm and forces herself to stand still. It’s not easy, especially given that Clarke’s mother has showed her nothing but disrespect since they arrived at Arkadia.

After a few moments, the Chancellor takes a step back and Lexa reluctantly does the same.

“Mom,” Clarke says, “please, listen to us. We’re trying to avoid war.”

“You’re asking me to leave my people defenseless,” the Chancellor replies.

Lexa snarls. “ _Your_ _people_ would vote for someone intent on betraying the Coalition. Intent on _war_.”

The Chancellor crosses her arms. “Our people are afraid, Commander. You’re asking me to make them even more afraid.”

Lexa’s had enough. “I will give them something to _fear.”_

“Lexa,” Clarke says, putting her hand back on Lexa’s arm, “that’s enough. Please.”

Lexa blinks, trying to regain her focus and takes a step back.

She takes a deep breath. It’s been a long time since she’s lost control like this but she’s furious, and lost. She’s been at war since she took the mantle of Commander, the spirit whispering in her dreams, visions or war and carnage every night. She’s sent hundreds to the grave, mothers and sons, daughters and fathers, brothers and sisters and she’s walked back into their villages and asked for more.

She’s lost Costia, Gustus and Anya to this Coalition. She has bleed her people dry to get it. She’s lost everything for this and now that’s she's on the verge of peace, that what she’s fought for all her life feels actually within reach Skaikru wants to destroy it.

“I apologise,” Lexa manages to say. “Please, let us start over.”

Clarke’s grip on her arm relaxes. Lexa feels her thumb caressing her forearm.

The Chancellor nods. “Very well, Commander.”

Lexa forces herself to relax her shoulders. She can’t let peace slip through her fingers. She steals a glance at Clarke. Not now.

*

Eventually, it’s clear that the meeting is going nowhere. Lexa wants all the Ark’s weapons, Clarke’s mom won’t agree and there’s nothing Clarke or Kane can say that’s going to dissuade either of them.  

“Maybe we should take a break,” Clarke suggests.

Kane is nodding before she even finishes speaking. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Lexa and her mom are still staring daggers at each other, not paying attention to what’s being said around them.

“Abby,” Kane says, “what do you think?”

Her mom purses her lips. “OK,” she says. “We need some time to think over the Commander’s _proposal._ ”

It’s not a proposal, it’s an order and Clarke’s mother knows this. Clarke looks at Lexa and sees her clenching her jaw, trying to keep her calm in the face of Clarke’s mother’s evident defiance.

“Very well, Chancellor,” Lexa carefully says, “you have until tomorrow morning.”

Clarke fears her mother will say something else, making the situation worse but she simply nods.

Lexa turns to leave and looks back when Clarke doesn’t follow.

“Go ahead,” Clarke says. “I need a minute alone with my mom.”

Lexa’s eyes shift between Clarke and her mom. She nods stiffly and follows Kane out the door.

Once Kane has closed the door behind her and she’s alone with her mother, Clarke wastes no time.

“Mom,” she says, “please, you need to see this Lexa’s way. We’re just trying to avoid bloodshed.”

Her mom sighs. “Clarke, she was threatening us.”

“She was angry,” Clarke replies, “she’s sacrificed a lot for this peace.”

Her mom looks at her incredulously. “ _She’s_ sacrificed a lot?”

Clarke wants to groan. “We’ve _both_ sacrificed a lot, Mom. It hasn’t exactly been a piece of cake for her to bring us into the Coalition as a new clan.  She could’ve been deposed. She could’ve been _killed_ in that fight.”

“Clarke,” her mother says and something about her tone rubs Clarke the wrong way, “she’s not here. You don’t have to defend her.”

Not this again.

“Mom,” Clarke says, “I told you. It’s not like that. I’m not afraid of Lexa. It’s not - she’s never. She’s not like that.”

Her mom sighs, her eyes turning sad. “I know you think she isn’t, Clarke.”

You _think_ she isn’t? What’s that supposed to mean? But all she says is: “I _know_ she isn’t”

“Clarke,” her mother insists, “it wasn’t your choice to mate with the Commander. You wanted nothing to do with her and now you’re defending her wanting to wipe us out?”

God, Clarke wants to shake some sense into her. “She doesn’t want to wipe us out.”

Her mother sighs. “That’s enough, Clarke,” she says. “I need time to think about it.”

Clarke relents, it’s no use antagonizing her mother.

“Look, Clarke,” she continues, “I know you think you’re doing the right thing. I just don’t want you to feel forced to take Lexa’s side.”

“I don’t,” Clarke says. “Mom, I don’t know how else to tell you, Lexa is not forcing me into this.”

Her mother’s look of pity makes Clarke’s blood boil.

“Oh, Honey,” she says, “I know you _think_ she isn’t. I know you’re an adult and you make your own choices, but she’s your mate and you’re still an Omega and -”

“Stop,” Clarke says.

Is that what her mother thinks? That she’s just some stupid kid letting herself be manipulated by Lexa because of the mark on her neck?

“Clarke,” her mother says, “I didn’t mean -”

Clarke shakes her head. “I know exactly what you meant, Mom,” Clarke replies, “and you’re wrong. You’re wrong about Lexa and you’re wrong about me.”

Her mother doesn’t reply.

*

Lexa follows Kane out the door and, as soon as he closes it behind him, finds herself face to face with Octavia.

“Octavia,” Kane says, “Hi.”

“Kane,” Octavia replies and then, she bows stiffly to Lexa. “Commander.”

Lexa can tell Octavia is not her biggest supporter, but she can see Octavia’s making an effort to show respect. It’s not as if Lexa has given her much reason to like her and the girl doesn’t seem to put much stock into propriety or proper deference, but she’s trying. Lexa can respect that.

She nods to her. “Octavia.”

Octavia checks their surroundings carefully, but there’s only them and Kane within earshot.

“Kane,” she says, “Can you give us a minute?”

Kane turns to Lexa and raises his eyebrows in question. Lexa nods.

Octavia waits until Kane is out of earshot to speak again.

“Indra would like to speak to you,” she says.

By the tense set of Octavia’s shoulders, Indra won’t have anything good to say. All the same, anything is better than continuing to fruitlessly argue with Clarke’s mother, who should just _heed_ her Commander’s orders and instead refuses to listen to reason.

“We will go to her once Clarke finishes talking with the chancellor.”

Something flashes in Octavia’s eyes. She looks as if she wants to say something, but she doesn’t.

“What is it?” Lexa asks.

Octavia hesitates for another moment but finally clenches her jaw and straightens her back. “Indra says we are under your protection now.”

“You are the thirteenth clan of the Coalition,” Lexa replies.

“If Pike wins,” Octavia continues, “if it comes to war, will we still be? Or will you just drop us again?”

Lexa clenches her jaw and reins in the urge to snarl. This kind of defiance is not something she’s accustomed to. Especially not coming from a mostly unproven Omega second.

“If it comes to war,” she says carefully, “I will do what’s necessary to protect my people.”

Octavia frowns.

“Skaikru are my people,” Lexa elaborates. “For better or for worse, you are bound to the Coalition. Anyone who threatens that will be met with war.”

“And those who don’t?” Octavia asks.

“Those who don’t will be received at Polis or at the battle by our side.”

Octavia narrows her eyes at her for a long moment, seemingly trying to decide something. Finally, she nods.

Before Lexa can say anything in response, she hears the door behind her creaking open.

She turns to find Clarke standing beside her, a sad expression on her face. She lifts her eyebrows up in question.

Clarke shakes her head minutely, placing her hand in Lexa’s arm. Then, she turns to Octavia.

“Octavia, hi.”

Octavia scoffs. “Finally you decided to drop by.”

Lexa doesn’t even try to suppress the growl that erupts from her throat this time. She’s had enough of Clarke’s people disrespecting _her_ _mate_.

Octavia flinches and takes a step back on instinct. When she realizes what she’s done, the line of her mouth hardens and she scowls at Clarke. As if it’s somehow Clarke’s fault Lexa defended her.

“Lexa,” Clarke says, “it’s OK.”

Lexa clenches her fists. It’s not. Clarke’s people have been disrespecting her and mistreating her at every turn and Lexa is sick of it. The only thing keeping Octavia from landing on her back like her brother is Clarke’s hand on Lexa’s arm and the girl doesn’t even realise it.

“Yes, Octavia,” Clarke says, “I _finally_ decided to drop by. We’re here to help.”

“Then come with me,” Octavia answers, “Indra wants to speak with the Commander.”

Clarke nods. “Lead the way.”

*

They follow Octavia to Lexa’s tent. As they walk, Clarke steals glances to her side to find Lexa stiffly walking beside her.

She can tell the meeting has taken its toll on Lexa. She’s frazzled and irritable, the calmness that was around her that morning all but gone. It has taken a toll on Clarke, too. She just wants them to go back to their tent and be left alone so they can _breathe_ for a moment.

She doesn’t dwell on the fact that somehow being alone with Lexa has become the point of calm amidst the storm.

They walk into the tent to find Indra waiting for them, standing beside a man sitting on a chair. He looks about thirty and by his clothes, he’s a guard on Arkadia. By the state of his face, he's not waiting in Lexa’s tent out of his own free will.

“What’s the meaning of this, Indra?” Lexa asks.

“He was spying on our camp, _Heda_.” Indra replies.

Clarke eyes shift to Lexa. The Alpha looks about ready to kill him on the spot.

“He was inspecting our defenses,” Indra elaborates, “searching for our supplies.”

Lexa walks towards the man and, when Clarke doesn’t follow, turns back to her and raises her eyebrows.

Clarke gets the message and walks beside her.

Indra opens her mouth to object but Lexa silences with a flick of her wrist.

“He is a member of Skaikru,” Lexa says. “It’s Clarke’s prerogative to question him.”

Clarke ignores both Octavia’s and Indra's looks and takes another step forward.

“Who sent you here?” She asks.

The man scowls at her. “I will not talk to some Grounder’s _whore_ ,” he spats. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

It’s Indra who reacts first, moving in front of him and growling. She grabs the front of his jacket and brings her arm back.

“Enough, Indra,” Lexa commands. “Let him go.”

Indra looks back at Lexa, tense as a bowstring, but she obeys.

“Who sent you?” Clarke repeats.

He spits on the ground. “You can either kill me or let me go, girl. I do not answer to you.”

Clarke turns around, looking at Lexa for guidance. Lexa just lifts her eyebrows in response.

Clarke steers herself. Right, Lexa wants her to be the one to decide this.

She turns towards Indra. “Let him go.”

Indra opens her mouth to say something but reconsiders. This time, she doesn’t even look at Lexa before nodding.

“Now,” Clarke continues, “you go back to whoever sent you and remind him that he is _not_ Chancellor. Remind him that he is part of the Commander’s coalition and next time someone steps into this camp without our approval, they get the traitor’s death they deserve.”

Clarke feels a perverse sense of satisfaction when she sees him valiantly trying to keep his scowl in place, but not being able to help the heavy beads of sweat that appear on his brow.

“Now leave,” Clarke commands.

The man gets up and limps out of Indra’s tent, tail firmly tucked between his legs.

“ _Heda_ ,” Indra says, “he should have been executed.”

Lexa waves her hand in dismissal. “The choice has been made, Indra,” she replies. “Now leave us.”

*

Once they are alone, Lexa feels her body finally relaxing. She feel as if she can finally breathe.

She’s used to being the Commander, she’s hardly known anything else besides training for it and doing it but with Clarke by her side, with Clarke’s people against them, it feels different. Easier and harder. Everything feels as if it’s crumbling around her. Everything she’s worked for, everything she’s sacrificed her blood and her life for, threatening to fall into chaos once again. Still, sometimes, when it’s just her and Clarke, she can’t bring herself to regret any of the choices that led her to this point.

Clarke sighs, taking a seat on the bed. She looks about as exhausted as Lexa feels.

“Do you think I should have had Indra execute him?” Clarke asks.

Lexa hesitates. She’s pushed people of her tower for lesser offenses. Clarke’s people are have a different vision of justice, though, one that doesn’t necessarily align with Lexa’s own.

“No,” Lexa says, “it was the right choice. We’re trying to avoid war.”

Clarke frowns and gets up from the bed, walking aimlessly around the tent. “I’m beginning to think we won’t be able to.”

The look on her face, resigned and somber, tugs at Lexa’s chest and makes her ignore her better judgement and grab Clarke’s hand to stop her pacing.

Clarke stops, looks down on their joined hands and intervines their fingers. She looks up at Lexa and her lips tug upwards. It’s somewhat of a smile, a smile with a twist, like the smile of someone who’s trying to keep from crying and yet, it’s breathtaking.

Lexa’s heart's not beating but she forces herself to speak. “We just have to trust in your people to make the right choice.”

Clarke sighs, taking a step forward. Her eyes flick to Lexa’s lips. “How is that working for you?” She asks. “trusting my people?”

Lexa can hardly breathe but she can’t help but chuckle. “Not well.”

Clarke laughs then too, soft and melodious. She rubs her thumb against the back of Lexa’s hand.

“We’ll fix it, right?” she asks, “We have to.”

“We will,” Lexa replies.

One way or another, they will fix it. Lexa just hopes it’s not with Skaikru blood on both their hands.

*

They walk into Arkadia when the sun has just begun to set over the horizon. No one comes out to greet them this time, but Clarke knows where they are going.

It’s high time they both meet the man that’s threatening to break the peace with Lexa’s Coalition.

They find him in a common room, surrounded by people and excitedly discussing something while they study maps on a table. Clarke’s heart falls when she notices that Bellamy is among Pike’s group. The bruises on his neck are angry and purple against his skin. He turns to look the other way as soon as his eyes meet Clarke’s.

One by one, they all realise Clarke and Lexa have entered the room and fall silent, all heads turning to them, focusing especially on the Commander.

Lexa, herself, doesn’t react at all, ignoring the stares and whispers. She walks straight to Pike, looking almost bored by the entire thing.

Pike stands up and nods to her, gesturing for those around him to make silence.

He smiles. “Commander,” he says. “I’m honored to meet you.”

Lexa doesn’t even try to keep the distaste from her voice. “The feeling is not mutual, Pike of the sky people.”

The whole room tenses at once and Pike smile drops, his face hardening.

“Have you come all this way just to insult me, Commander?”

Lexa shakes her head. “I have come to meet you, Pike,” she says, “and to tell your supporters I do not intend on waging war against them, no matter what you are saying.”

Pike eyes widen and he makes a big show of being incredulous. He laughs. “You post an army at our gates, you beat up anyone who dares approach your camp and you’re asking me to believe you are not looking for war?”

Lexa snarls, clenching her fists. Pike, who has the luxury of being a Beta, doesn’t react to the sudden spike of Lexa’s pheromones. Everyone else shifts uncomfortably in their seats, tensing in the face of Lexa’s ire.

“That army was sent here for _your_ protection,” Lexa says.

“Oh yes,” Pike replies, “to protect us from the Ice Nation, whose missiles you let blow up Mount Weather.”

Clarke feels anger bubble up her chest as well, unexpectedly having to keep herself from jumping in Lexa’s defense. There was no way for Lexa to have known what would happen, they weren’t even _part_ of her coalition when it did.

“Tell me, Commander,” Pike continues, “from whom are they protecting us now?”

Lexa doesn't reply but the look on her face is ice cold. Clarke is half afraid she’s going to unsheathe her sword and end Pike’s fight where he stands.

“That army is not here to keep anything out, Commander,” Pike says, “it’s here to keep us _in_ and I won’t let you get away with caging my people like animals.”

Lexa tilts her head. “You won’t _let_ me?”

Pike crosses his arms. “You might have your people following you blindly like fools, but I am _not_ like them.”

Lexa smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Pike of the sky people,” she says, slowly, carefully, as if talking to a child, “I united twelve clans that had been at war for fifty years. Do you honestly think you’re the first vermin I’ve had to crush to drag my people kicking and screaming towards peace?”

That makes Pike react. He takes a step towards Lexa, scowling. “Your people are _savages_. Do not compare us to them.”

Lexa doesn’t react to the insult. “Savages we might be and yet here we are,” she says. “one of us asking for bloodshed and the other trying to pave the road for peace.”

Pike chuckles mirthlessly. “You don’t understand what peace _means.”_

“Maybe I don’t,” Lexa replies, “but I understand war, Pike. Far better than you do, apparently. I know you will not win one. I don’t care how many guns you have. If you are intent on war, I will give it to you and lay waste to this place.”

“We will see that after I become Chancellor,” Pike says.

Lexa opens her mouth to reply, but Clarke beats her to it. She needs to stop this before it ends in violence.

“We don’t want war,” Clarke adds, “we are not looking for it.”

Pike’s eyes leave Lexa to look at Clarke. “Then prove it,” he says. “Tell your army at my gates to go home.”

“You know we can’t do that,” Clarke replies.

Pike looks back at his people and shrugs. “Then we have nothing else to discuss.”

*

They leave Arkadia when the night has already fallen, walking back to Lexa’s camp in complete silence.

As soon as they’re inside the tent, Lexa practically collapses on one of the chairs.

Clarke walks to her. “So,” she says, “that went well.”

Lexa takes her face from her hands and lifts an eyebrow at Clarke.

Clarke smiles humorlessly. This day has being a disaster, all around, and she doesn’t want to keep talking about it. They need to find someway to relax or both are going to be useless.

She takes one final step forward and, without bothering to think about what she’s doing, moves her hands to Lexa’s chest and undoes the clasp of her armor.

Lexa looks up, but doesn’t say anything, letting Clarke slowly take away the gauntlet and red sash that turn her into the Commander.

For a while, that’s all there is, Clarke carefully taking away Lexa’s armor bit by bit and Lexa watching in silence.

It’s not uncomfortable or charged, not this time. It’s just her and Lexa, against all odds, finding a moment of calm amidst the storm.

When she’s done and Lexa is rid of all her Commander grab, Clarke places a hand on her shoulder.

Lexa looks up. “Thank you,” she says.

Clarke shakes her head. She doesn’t precisely know what Lexa is thanking her for, but she knows it’s not helping her take off her armor.

“Do you think -” Lexa hesitantly begins, “do you think your mother will reconsider?”

Clarke considers the question. There’s really no way she can know for sure, but she trusts her mother will at least _try_ to see things their way. They might not agree on much, not right now, but Clarke knows her mother just wants to keep her people safe. She wants them safe as much as they do.

“She will,” Clarke says. “She needs some time.”

Lexa nods, looking deep in thought.

Clarke knows she has something on her mind, so she stays silent, slowly stroking Lexa’s shoulder with her thumb, waiting for her to speak.

“Clarke,” Lexa finally says, “I want you to know, that if it comes to war, I will stand by my promise. Your people are my people, I will do my best to keep them safe.”

It strikes Clarke, unexpectedly, that she believes her. She does. Against all reason, against how much she doesn’t want to, she believes her. She trusts her. Somehow, in between trying to avoid war and this bond, in between the Ice Nation and Pike, Clarke has forgiven Lexa without realising.

“I know,” Clarke says and means it. “I believe you.”

Lexa’s head snaps up. She looks questioningly at Clarke and then she exhales, in relief or exhaustion, Clarke doesn’t know. What she knows is that Lexa looks as if a huge weight has been lifted from her shoulders.

Lexa has been waiting for this, Clarke realises. For Clarke to forgive her, to trust her.

Clarke does. She shouldn’t, she doesn’t even want to, but she does. Forgiving Lexa, putting her trust and her hopes in her again is probably foolish and misguided but she’s doing it. She tried to avoid it, she tried to fight it, but somewhere along the line she lost that fight without even noticing.

She takes another step forward, stepping in between Lexa’s legs. The Alpha looks up at her without reacting, just waiting for Clarke to make her move.

Clarke hesitates. This shouldn’t feel like a decision at all, not after everything, but it does. Because Clarke wants Lexa closer. Not the Commander, not her Alpha, Lexa. She wants the woman that’s fighting alongside her for peace. The woman who promised, against her better interest, to do whatever it took to keep Clarke’s people safe. The woman who will keep that promise.

Clarke makes her choice. She straddles Lexa’s lap, her knees beside her hips, grabs Lexa’s face and kisses her.

Lexa kisses her back immediately, tender and soft but urgent, like Clarke’s the very air she’s breathing. Clarke relaxes into the kiss, feeling the muscles in her back loosening up, her body sagging into Lexa until she’s practically sitting on her.

Lexa’s hand slowly advance towards Clarke’s hips as her mouth moves softly against Clarke’s, sucking gently on Clarke’s bottom lip.

Lexa brings her closer by the hips and Clarke feels a familiar thrill go up her spine. She takes one of her hands from Lexa’s neck and reaches down, running it over Lexa’s shoulders and lower still, over her breasts, her ribs, her stomach. With no Commander armor, just a soft shirt and the skin underneath, she feels Lexa shivering under her touch with every inch she moves downwards.

Clarke moves her hand lower and slips it under Lexa’s shirt. She runs it over Lexa’s stomach, enjoying the feeling of Lexa’s soft skin, the muscles there tensing under her touch.

As soon as Clarke’s hand moves over the fastening covering Lexa’s breasts the Alpha moans, arching into her touch.

“Clarke,” Lexa groans against her mouth.

Lexa’s hands move from her hips to her ass, softly squeezing and massaging, trying to bring Clarke closer still. It’s just a touch, just a touch over the clothes but Clarke feels her skin on fire. She wants Lexa closer, skin against skin, sweat against sweat. She wants Lexa inside her, she wants Lexa to fill her, to stretch her, she wants to feel nothing _but_ Lexa.

Clarke breaks the kiss, trying to catch her breath and Lexa chases her mouth.

She focuses her eyes on Lexa. The Alpha looks flushed, cheeks pink and eyes dark, mouth open and breathing heavily. She’s breathtaking, absolutely beautiful and Clarke feels her heart threatening to beat out of her chest.

She moves her mouth to suck on Lexa’s neck. She trails wet kisses below her ear, traces the tendons on her neck with her tongue, dipping it in the hollow on her throat, tasting the salt of Lexa’s sweat.

She grinds against Lexa with each lick, with each kiss, feeling the hardness in Lexa’s pants grow with each groan out of the Alpha’s mouth. Lexa answers back in kind, meeting Clarke’s hips with thrusts of her own, making her hardness press against Clarke.

Fuck, Clarke stomach clenches and she moans against Lexa’s neck. She needs Lexa inside her.

One of Lexa’s hands moves from Clarke’s ass to grab her chin and bring their mouths back together. She kisses Clarke with no finesse, all desperation and hunger, her tongue slipping inside Clarke’s mouth roughly and Clarke can’t get enough of it.

She groans into Lexa’s mouth and grinds against her harder, trying desperately to convey she wants _more_.

Lexa obliges, her hand slowly moving back down. She slides it below Clarke shirt and grips the soft skin of her hips, slowly leaving a trail of fire as she makes its way to Clarke’s navel, and then she effortlessly slides it inside Clarke’s pants and her panties. Clarke thrusts against Lexa’s hand.

She breaks the kiss and whimpers against Lexa’s lips. “Lexa,” she says, grinding against Lexa’s hand again, “fuck, please.”

Lexa complies, moving her hand further down, running one finger through Clarke folds, slowly parting them to find the sleek heat of Clarke’s arousal waiting for her.

Clarke bites her lip to keep from moaning when Lexa’s finger teases her entrance, softly, slowly, tortuously applying pressure but not entering her, not giving her what she _needs_. Her thumb moves to Clarke’s clit, stroking lazy circles around it, without actually touching it. Clarke is ready to explode. She’s dripping, empty and desperate for Lexa’s touch.

Clarke moans again, moving both her hands to Lexa’s shoulders for leverage as she rolls her hips against Lexa’s hand, trying to get _some_ relief.

“Fuck,” she says. “Lexa, don’t fucking _tease_ me.”

Lexa kisses the side of Clarke’s neck and, as she sucks on her mating marks, one of her fingers finally, God, fucking _finally_ slips inside Clarke. Clarke’s wet and ready, aching for her, so her finger slips in knuckle deep in one single thrust.

Clarke exhales in relief. “More,” she says.

Lexa obliges, her other hand moving to clumsily unbutton Clarke’s pants so she can go deeper. She nips onto her bites on Clarke’s neck and adds a second finger that finally starts stretching, filling Clarke the way she wants to be filled.

She moans as Lexa starts pumping in and out, slow, _tortuously_ slow, stroking Clarke’s clit in tandem with the rhythm of her fingers, settling on deep, long strokes that only leave Clarke desperate for more.

Clarke moves her mouth back to Lexa’s, picking up speed with the roll of her hips, trying to coax Lexa’s fingers deeper, harder, _faster_ . Lexa gets the message, her mouth moving against Clarke’s in tune with her speeding thrusts: fast and deep, curling her fingers inside Clarke and _fuck_ , that’s exactly what Clarke needs.

“ _God_ ,” Clarke groans, “don’t stop.”

Lexa doesn’t. She keeps fucking her, hard and fast, her fingers driving Clarke to the edge, getting her ready for the hardness between her legs.

Clarke moves one of her hands from Lexa’s neck to her pants and starts stroking Lexa through her clothes. Lexa gasps, shuddering against her from the barest touch of Clarke’s hand. It only makes Clarke wetter. She needs to feel Lexa. She needs her inside her, in her hand, everywhere.

Clarke feels Lexa hit that spot with her finger as her thumb presses on her clit and she can hardly breathe. She’s so close. So, _so_ close each time Lexa pushes in and presses down on her clit. She feels close to unraveling. Fuck, just a little more, just a little more.

“Lexa,” she gasps, “there, fuck. Please, God. Don’t stop.”

Somehow, she manages to undo the buttons of Lexa’s pants and slip her hand inside, closing it around Lexa’s dick. She so hard, and so hot, so thick and ready in Clarke’s hand.

Clarke starts stroking Lexa as best she can with the limited space while Lexa fucks her, hard and deep. She can feel Lexa’s dick twitching with every one of her strokes, her hips thrusting into Clarke’s hand, desperate to find release. Clarke senses the desperation, Lexa’s pheromones clamoring for her to let Lexa take what’s hers, let her sink into Clarke as deep as she can go and fuck her.

Fuck. Just the thought of Lexa’s familiar stretch, of her dick inside her where it belongs is enough to drive Clarke nearly to the edge.

“More,” she says, “harder. Fuck, Lexa, _harder_.”

“Clarke,” Lexa grunts in response, “Clarke, you feel so good. So hot, so tight.”

“God,” Clarke replies, her face falling onto Lexa’s shoulders and her eyes clenching shut. “Don’t stop. Fuck, keep talking.”

Lexa increases her thrusts, her fingers going as deep as they can go inside Clarke, her thumb working her clit as her mouth moves to Clarke’s ear.

“I love how wet you are,” she says, her breath hot against Clarke’s ear, “how tight you are around my fingers, how slick and ready you are for me, sucking me in.”

Clarke shudders, she’s so close. “Don’t stop, don’t stop.”

“I love the feeling of your cunt stretching around me,” Lexa whispers, “taking me in. I love the feeling of your ass against my thighs as I bury myself in you.”

Lexa delivers one last deep thrust, curling her fingers and Clarke tumbles over the edge, biting onto Lexa’s neck to keep from screaming as she comes, trembling and clenching around Lexa’s fingers.

Clarke stays right where she is for another minute, leisurely rolling her hips to ride the aftershocks that make her whole body tremble and her mouth close around Lexa’s shoulder. She feels lazy and spent, but the feeling of Lexa’s fingers inside her still makes her want more.

When she recovers her breath, she takes her head from the Alpha’s shoulder and looks at Lexa. Lexa’s hand is still inside Clarke’s pants, her fingers still buried knuckle deep in her pussy. Lexa looks up at her, then, her breath coming in shallow bursts and her neck shining with sweat. She looks tense, worked up and flushed and her pheromones are all over the place, though Clarke can tell she’s trying to control them.

Clarke smiles, looking right into her eyes as she purposefully clenches around her fingers.

Lexa closes her eyes shut and lets out a ragged breath. “Clarke,” she says.

Whether is a warning, a plea or something else, Clarke can’t tell.

Clarke makes a move to get off her and Lexa takes her hand away from Clarke’s pants.

Clarke’s eyes are still firmly trained on Lexa, so she can see her eyes darken at the way Clarke can’t help but whimper as soon as Lexa’s fingers leave her pussy.

She can’t help it, she wants Lexa inside her.

She wants her inside her, still, even after an orgasm. She wants her closer, naked against her. She wants everything Lexa has to give. She wants to leave a trail of kisses over her body, she wants Lexa to feel it, too. Whatever this is. Bond, forgiveness, lust, instincts. Something else, scarier and bigger, nebulous inside her heart, making it feel heavy inside her ribcage.

Clarke grabs both sides of Lexa’s face and the Alpha’s hands move back to her hips.

“Clarke,” she repeats and this time, it’s a question.

Whatever that question is, Clarke knows the answer.

She kisses her, again. Hungry, desperate, _happy_ . Lexa answers back in kind, her lips trembling against her even as she deepens the kiss. It’s frenzied and hard, teeth clashing, tongue against tongue. Wet, open and _right_ in a way Clarke couldn’t put into words even if it didn’t scare her more than any war will ever manage to.

Clarke feels Lexa’s hands move back inside her shirt to sink her fingers in the soft flesh underneath.

Clarke groans against Lexa’s mouth and moves her own hands below Lexa’s shirt. She rakes her nails over her back, making Lexa arch into Clarke in pleasure, her breasts rubbing against Clarke’s own as they kiss.

Clarke struggles with the fastening around Lexa’s chest for a moment until she finally manages to undo it. She moves her hands back below and tugs at the end of Lexa’s shirt.

Lexa lets Clarke break the kiss, her lips swollen and wet, glistening in the faint light of the candles illuminating the tent. She lifts her arms and Clarke takes off her shirt and the fastening covering her breasts.

Without breaking eye contact, without wanting to miss a second of the way Lexa looks, flushed and beautiful, the muscles of her arms trembling with the effort of keeping them still, Clarke makes quick work of her own shirt and bra.

Lexa’s eyes follow her movements like a hawk, shifting from Clarke’s face, to her breasts, to her stomach and back up again.

“You’re beautiful,” Lexa says, and it sounds like a prayer.

Clarke smiles and places Lexa’s hands back at her waist. She _feels_ beautiful. Beautiful, scared and eager and she doesn’t want to squash the feeling down. Not this time.

Lexa angles her face up and kisses her, urging her forward by her hips. Clarke lets her, enjoying the feeling of Lexa taking control, her hands bringing her closer, her tongue inside her mouth, her bulge grinding against her, demanding more contact.

When Clarke tries to break the kiss, Lexa stops her with a hand to the back of her neck and Clarke whimpers into her mouth.

Clarke moves her hand back down in the little space that’s between them and starts rubbing Lexa through her underwear again. The Alpha reacts immediately, thrusting her hips into Clarke’s hands and breaking the kiss to throw her head back in pleasure, groaning.

“Let me take care of you,” Clarke says.

Lexa’s eyes flash and she nods mutely, watching as Clarke slowly removes herself from her lap.

She starts kissing her way down Lexa’s body. She takes one breast in her mouth, sucking on the nipple, and then moving below, kissing her ribs one by one, looking up through her eyelashes to find Lexa looking at her, breathing deeply and barely blinking as she watches Clarke make her way down her body.

When Clarke is all the way down, kneeling in between Lexa’s legs, she finishes opening up Lexa’s pants and the Alpha immediately lifts her hips. Clarke slides both her pants and her underwear down in one single motion without wasting a second.

Lexa is rock hard, and Clarke can’t resist the urge to close her fist around it.

Lexa grunts and her hand moves to Clarke’s hair, gently nudging her forward.

Clarke looks up. “Something you want, Lexa?”

Lexa bites her lip.

Clarke smirks. She knows Lexa doesn’t have to ask, not really. If she wanted, it would only take a growl, a little push on the back of her head and Clarke would give her anything, would let her do anything. A push from her Alpha and Clarke’s Omega would take over, letting Lexa fuck her face, begging for Lexa to bend her over and knot her.

Part of Clarke even wants it, to let Lexa take control, to let instincts take over as Lexa rams inside her, as Lexa takes what belongs to her and mates her.

“Tell me what you want, Lexa,” Clarke says.

“Your mouth,” Lexa replies. “I want your mouth.”

Clarke smiles and takes her mouth to Lexa’s dick. She licks it from the base to the tip, carefully coating in her saliva, making sure it’s slick, wet and ready for her. She closes her fist around it and starts pumping, slowly, enjoying how it feels in her hand. Hard, thick and wet.

Clarke keeps stroking as she kisses the inside of Lexa’s thighs, her hipbone, the fading mark of the waistband of her underwear.

“Clarke,” Lexa grunts, “fuck.”

Clarke knows that if she pushes Lexa, the Alpha will lose the iron grip on her instincts and let the beast within out so Clarke doesn’t drag it out. She closes her mouth on the head of Lexa’s dick, swiping her tongue over it to taste the precum waiting for her and sucks.

She takes her other hand to gently massage Lexa’s balls as she moves her fist and her mouth in tandem, taking as much of Lexa as she can into her mouth.

Lexa’s urges her forward with the hand on her hair and Clarke lets her, taking more and more of Lexa inside, inch by inch until the head of Lexa’s dick is at the back of her throat. She breathes deeply through her nose and flattens her tongue against the underside of Lexa’s dick, letting her throat relax to accept it.

She pushes forward, feeling her throat fighting against Lexa’s girth threatening to choke her, until her nose is against Lexa’s pubic hair, her balls against her chin.

She looks up at Lexa and swallows around her dick.

“Fuck,” Lexa groans, her grip tightening in Clarke’s hair. “Fuck, Clarke. Move.”

Clarke complies, bobbing her head back and forth, letting Lexa guide the speed of her movements. She focuses on enjoying the way Lexa’s hand feels grasping her hair, the way Lexa’s dick fills her mouth and her throat and fuck, the way Lexa's hips are raising to meet her movements, getting desperate and erratic under her touch.

Clarke’s pussy clenches at nothing greedily as Lexa pushes her head down once more, filling her throat with her dick.

“Clarke,” Lexa groans. “ Fuck, your mouth feels so good.”

Clarke hums around Lexa’s dick and pushes back until only half of it is inside her mouth. Lexa feels close and Clarke wants her to finish on her tongue, wants Lexa's cum to fill her mouth as she swallows everything down.

She moves her hand back to stroke Lexa’s length as she sucks the head of her dick, flicking her tongue over the slit and increasing the speed of her hand.

Lexa trembles beneath her, her grip on Clarke's hair tightening nearly to the point of pain.

“Clarke,” she grunts and with a final thrust into Clarke’s mouth, she comes, filling it with her sticky heat.

Clarke sucks down and swallows as Lexa keeps thrusting, not wanting to miss a single drop.

She swallows and swallows as Lexa keeps coming inside her mouth, trying to suck her Alpha dry but there's so much of it. Fuck, she’s dripping again, it's not enough to have it in her mouth, she wants Lexa's dick and her cum inside her cunt, she _needs_ it inside her.

Finally, with a groan and a shudder, Lexa is finished. Clarke gives Lexa’s head one final lick and takes Lexa's softening member from her mouth, feeling cum dribble from her bottom lip down to her chin.

She settles back on Lexa’s lap and when she has the Alpha’s eyes set squarely on her face, laps it up with her tongue and swallows it down.

Lexa’s eyes darken at the sight and she growls, grabbing Clarke by the back of her neck and kissing her again.

It’s fast and rough, Lexa biting onto Clarke’s lips. Tugging, sucking, bringing Clarke closer by her neck, as close as she can possibly be.

Lexa’s mouth moves to her neck, tracing the bite marks with her tongue and sucking on her pulse point. She feels a familiar tightness in her lower stomach and moans in pleasure.

Clarke’s hand moves back down to grab Lexa's semi hard dick. She needs Lexa completely hard. Rock hard and inside her pussy.

Lexa bites down on Clarke’s shoulder when Clarke’s fist closes around her already hardening member and gives her one slow stroke. In response, Lexa moves one hand to Clarke's breasts, palming them softly with her hand but not squeezing. Clarke arches into her palm.

“Lexa,” Clarke groans, “Fuck, Lexa. Touch them.”

She feels Lexa smile against her skin and her hand start to slowly massage Clarke’s breast, her thumb flicking over Clarke’s hardening nipple. It feels incredible, like she’s on fire underneath Lexa’s touch. Clarke matches the speed of Lexa’s gently rolling hand with her own strokes, Lexa’s dick quickly growing into full length in her hand.

When she feels Lexa is completely hard, Clarke releases her dick and stands up. She takes off her pants and underwear in one swift motion, kicking her shoes along with it and shuddering when the cold air of the tent touches her soaked cunt.

She settles back on Lexa’s lap without wasting a second. She lifts her hips and reaches down with her hand to guide Lexa’s dick to her soaked folds.

Lexa moans, her eyes shifting down to see her dick moving against Clarke’s pussy.

Clarke rolls her hips against it, taking Lexa’s dick between her lips, coating it with her slick. She can’t help but shudder and grip Lexa’s shoulder harder when she feels the tip rubbing against her oversensitive clit.

Lexa groans, her hands moving to Clarke's ass to urge her forward.

“Clarke,” Lexa says, “God, I need to be inside you.”

Clarke obeys and guides Lexa’s dick to her entrance and pushes down. It feels amazing. She’s still a little sore from the knotting, so she takes her time, enjoying the press of Lexa’s head against her entrance, pushing but not getting in, not yet.

Lexa thrusts up and the head pops in and oh, God, that’s exactly what Clarke needs. Lexa is finally inside her, finally stretching her. It feels so thick she has to bite her lip to stifle a whimper when she feels her pussy give in, her body accepting Lexa’s head.

Clarke moans and pushes down another inch. “Lexa you feel so good inside me,” she says. “So thick, so hard.“

Lexa doesn’t reply, her head thrown back, her mouth open in a silent moan.

Clarke continues pushing down as she feels her inner walls fighting against Lexa’s girth, resisting her entrance. Lexa is so hard, Clarke feels so full, she will never get tired of this feeling.

With barely a couple of inches of Lexa’s cock inside her, Clarke starts rolling her hips,  grabbing onto Lexa’s shoulder for leverage as more and more of Lexa’s dick pushes inside with each downwards movement of her hips.

Lexa movers her thumb to Clarke’s clit and strokes it, slowly, matching the tempo of Clarke's shallow thrusts. Eventually another inch slips in, and then another and another until Lexa is finally fully sheathed inside Clarke, her thighs against Clarke’s ass

Clarke gives herself a minute to adjust to Lexa’s stretch and then starts moving in earnest, rolling her hips, fucking herself on Lexa’s dick. Fuck, she feels so full, Lexa is going so deep inside her and it feels so good.

Lexa squeezes down on Clarke’s ass and meets Clarke’s movements with thrusts of her own, making Clarke see starts each time she falls down and Lexa’s dick goes as far inside her as it  can possibly go.

She feels Lexa’s knot already forming, teasing against her entrance. She snakes one hand between them to softly squeeze it.

Lexa growls and starts speeding up the movements of her hips

Clarke moves her hands back up to loop them around Lexa’s neck, burying her face in the Alpha’s shoulders. Fuck, she sinks her nails down on Lexa’s back, probably leaving a mark but she doesn’t care, she needs something to hold on to.

They go on like that for a while, Clarke raising and falling on Lexa’s dick as Lexa thrusts up, again, again and again until Clarke is trembling, her stomach tightening and her legs tensing with each thrust.

When she feels herself just on the edge, Clarke takes her head from Lexa’s shoulder and looks at her, right in the eye as she increases the force of her thrusts. She falls down hard on Lexa’s dick, feeling it go practically against her cervix.

Lexa’s fingers sink on her ass as she thrusts up and Clarke comes undone, clenching around Lexa’s dick.

“Fuck,” she groans, moving her head back to Lexa’s neck, “Lexa, come inside me. Fuck, fill me up with your seed.”

Lexa groans, pushes her up by her ass and then down, hard, as she thrusts up one last time and comes, spurt after spurt of come filling Clarke’s womb as Lexa moans and trembles against her.

When Lexa is finished, Clarke sags into her. Her face falls to the crook of Lexa’s neck and she smiles against it, placing a tender kiss on the soft skin there.

Lexa’s hand moves to the small of her back, drawing lazy circles on her skin.

Clarke doesn’t even know how long the stay like that, Lexa softening inside her, Lexa’s release filling her, Lexa’s arms around her but she doesn’t care. Not tonight.

Tomorrow, they’ll meet up with the world again. Tomorrow they’ll be the leaders their people need. Right now, they can have this moment to breathe.

*** * ***

Next morning, they meet up with Kane and her mother again. They follow them into the same room where they fruitlessly argued for hours the day before. As soon as the door is closed behind them, Lexa wastes no time.

“Have you made your decision, Chancellor?” She asks.

Clarke’s mom hesitates and Clarke feels the moment stretch on forever. Her mom _has_ to have a decision and it has to be the right one. It’s the day of the election and they don’t have any more time to discuss and debate.

“I have, Commander,” Her mom replies. She looks over at Kane. “We Have.”

Clarke feels her heart constrict inside her chest.

“We will deliver everything but handguns,” her mom elaborates, “and shock batons. Those are needed for the camp’s security are are non-negotiable to us.”

Lexa looks at Clarke, then, eyebrows raised in question. Clarke barely inclines her head but that’s all Lexa needs. She turns back to Clarke’s mom and tilts her head down in a half nod, jaw set.

Kane lets out an audible sigh of relief, but Clarke’s eyes are focused on her mom, who’s glancing at Lexa with a curious look on her face.

“I hope you keep your promise, Commander,” she says.

Lexa’s hand moves to her sword and she straightens her back. She looks at Clarke’s mother dead in the eye as she says: “I will, Chancellor.”

Clarke doesn’t think her mother actually believes Lexa, but she nods in agreement all the same.

“Our people are already gathering our firearms,” Kane says, “we will deliver them to your camp by midmorning.”

Clarke lets out a shaky breath. She can hardly believe it: they did it. They actually managed to make sure that whether Pike wins or loses, they won’t have war. Not even Pike can be stupid enough to try and wage war against Lexa with a few handguns and shock batons.

They will have peace. They will have peace, and time. Time for her people to understand, peace for them to flourish. Peace and time for her mom, for Kane, for Octavia and Indra, for Raven and Bellamy, for Lexa and her.

“Thank you, Mom,” Clarke says, trying to convey how much this means to her.

Her mother’s eyes soften and she smiles. It’s not happy, not exactly. It’s part relief, part resignation and all love. A mom smile.

Clarke smiles back, reigning in the urge to give her mom a hug. She might not believe Lexa, she might not understand her and Lexa, might not approve but she’s still giving them a chance.

Before anyone can say anything else, the door bursts open and someone walks in.

It’s Pike and he looks livid. He walks up right to Clarke’s mom in two long strides and slams his fist on the table.

“You _can't_ do this Chancelor Griffin,” Pike says.

“Pike,” Kane interjects, “you’re out of order here. Calm down.”

Pike whips his head towards Kane. “ _I’m_ out of order?” He asks, incredulous. “You two are handing our heads to the Grounders on a silver plate and _I’m_ out of order?”

“You are the one that caused this,” Clarke says, “with your threats of war. We’re trying to keep peace.”

Pike takes a step towards her and Lexa growls, inching closer to Clarke and moving her hand to the hilt of her sword.

“I suggest,” Lexa says, “you think very carefully about what you do next.”

Pike snarls. He looks more than angry now, more than furious. He looks a second away from being unhinged.

“I _won't_ let you do this.”

“You don’t have a choice, Pike,” Clarke’s mom says. “It’s already done.”

Pike snarls again. “You don’t know what you’ve done.”

He looks at each of them and without another word, turns back and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

*

The process of delivering the Ark’s weapons to Lexa’s camp is slow. It shouldn’t be hard, but the crowd gathered around them and the tension in the air makes it near impossible.

Clarke takes her eyes from the slow movements of the guards carrying a crate of rifles to watch the crowd. Countless of faces without a name watching the proceedings in curiosity, outrage and fear in equal measure, whispering amongst themselves.

There’s familiar faces in there, too. She can see Bellamy, his eyes hard and his mouth fixed on a silent snarl. She can see the guard that trespassed into Lexa’s camp, his face still swollen and purple. She sees Raven, Jaha and Jackson uncharacteristically standing close together, eerily serene and unperturbed. Octavia is there, too, walking back and forth with Lincoln by her side, guiding the guards carrying the crates, directing them to the place where they should drop them when they reach the gates, where Indra waits for them.

She steals a glance at Lexa. To everyone else, the Commander probably looks unfazed, almost disinterested, but Clarke knows better. She can see how sharp her movements are, how clipped her voice is, how each order is sharper than the one before. Lexa is tense and, like Clarke, she’s probably waiting for everything to somehow crumble around them.

Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, it happens.

Clarke sees Pike appear among the crowd and make his way to the front line, next to Bellamy. She tries to ignore him and go back to overwatching the disarmament, but there’s something about him that prevents her from doing it.

He finds Clarke’s eyes and scowls. He squares his shoulders and reaches inside his coat.

It only takes her a second, but by the time Clarke realises what he’s about to do, it’s too late.

Clarke’s eyes catch the shine of metal in his hand and she freezes.

She freezes, but Lexa doesn’t. She steps in front of Clarke, arm stretched to shield her as her head turns towards the gates and her mouth opens to shout a command at Indra.

She never does.

Pike aims his gun and shoots. The sound makes Clarke close her eyes in reflex and when she opens them, it’s pandemonium.

Everyone is moving and shouting. Pike is on the ground, Bellamy on top of him with Pike’s gun in his hand. Kane and Clarke’s mom are running towards her, Indra is shouting indistinctly in Trigedasleng and Lexa -

Lexa is looking down at her stomach, mouth open in shock.

Clarke feels as if  all the air has left her lungs, as if someone has crushed her heart inside her chest.

This can’t be happening. It _can't_ be happening.

Clarke can’t move. Lexa is stumbling to ground, and all Clarke can think is that her face looks wrong. Pale, shocked and nothing like _Lexa_.

She can’t move.

Suddenly her mother is in front of her. She’s saying something. Clarke can see her mouth moving but whatever is coming out of her mouth doesn’t make any sense. She can’t keep her eyes trained on her, they shift to Lexa. Kane slides Lexa’s arm around his shoulder. Lexa has black blood running through the fingers shes holding to her stomach and Clarke can’t move. She can’t breathe.

This can’t be happening.

Lexa is trying to stand, but she can't. She lifts her head up to look at Clarke, her eyes moving frantically all over Clarke’s body.

“Are you -” Lexa begins and then pauses, clenching her eyes in pain. “Are you OK?”

Lexa’s voice makes something inside Clarke snap. She runs to Lexa and puts both her hands to Lexa’s stomach desperately.

God, there’s so much blood. Please, this can’t be happening. Not now.

“Lexa,” she says “stand still, let me - wait, my mom. She will help you.”

Lexa nods but it's in slow motion and jerky. Her eyes are dropping and she doesn't seem to be able to stop them.

“Lexa!” Clarke shouts. “Stay with me.”

Lexa doesn't answer.

Clarke’s lip trembles. She presses down on Lexa’s stomach harder. Then, there’s a hand on her arm. Clarke couldn’t take her eyes off Lexa even if she tried, but she knows who it belongs to.

“Clarke!” her mother shouts.

Clarke blinks, unable to do anything watch Lexa’s blood slipping through her fingers.

“Clarke,” her mother shakes her arm. “Clarke, we need to get her to the medical bay.”

Clarke can barely understand what’s she's saying but she nods. Her heart is thundering inside her chest and her breath is coming in shallow bursts and all around her the camp is descending into chaos but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Nothing matters aside from Lexa.

Someone has brought a stretcher to them. Clarke’s mother and Kane maneuver Lexa onto it, lifting Lexa’s prone body with no difficulty. She looks so small and so pale. There’s so much blood.

Clarke follows the stretcher, clinging to Lexa’s hand as they carry her as fast as they can to the medical bay.

“It looks like there’s no damage to internal organs,” Her mother is saying to someone, “but she’s going into shock. We need to prep for surgery. Where _is_ Jackson?”

Clarke doesn’t hear the rest, she can’t after Lexa’s eyes flutter open.

Lexa opens her mouth to speak but she chokes and coughs instead.

“Clarke,” she manages to choke out.

Clarke clutches her hand. She doesn’t care if she breaks it. “I’m here,” she says, “I’m here.”

“Clarke,” Lexa coughs again, “Clarke, you need to get Titus.”

Clarke shakes her head, and the tears she doesn’t know she was crying fall down on Lexa’s hand. “Lexa, you’re going to be OK.”

Lexa groans in pain. “Clarke,” she says in between shudders, “Clarke, you need to get him. The flame,” another chough, “the spirit -”

Lexa’s head drops again and she loses consciousness.

“Lexa!” Clarke shouts, choking back sobs, “please, Lexa! _Please_.”

They are at the medbay, now. Someone is grabbing her by the shoulders and trying to make her leave Lexa’s side.

“Get her out of the room,” her mom says.

“No!” Clarke shouts. “No, please, I can help. I can fix this.”

She feels the hand on her arm tightened and she shakes it off, trying to make her way back to Lexa’s side. “Please, I can fix this,” she repeats, “Please, let me fix this.”

Her mother doesn’t reply, already focused on cutting Lexa’s shirt to reveal the wound on her stomach.

Clarke freezes. There’s so much blood, black against Lexa’s skin, Lexa looks so pale and then, she feels a sharp pain on her neck and everything turns dark.

*

Clarke wakes up on an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar place. For a moment, she only feels disoriented and drowsy and then, she remembers.

Her blood runs cold as her hand flies instinctively to feel the marks around her neck. Everything comes back to her and her chest constricts painfully as unwelcome images fill her mind.

Lexa falling to the ground, her stomach dripping blood. Lexa, in that hospital bed with a hole in her stomach. Lexa, pale and barely breathing as Clarke's mother cuts her shirt.

Clarke tries to get up from the bed but gets dizzy and has to sit back down to avoid falling on the floor.

Lexa can’t be - she needs to be alright. Clarke can’t do this again. She can’t lose something that’s barely even a beginning, not again. Not now, not after everything. Not when they were so close to real peace she actually thought they would make it. She actually thought they would be OK.

She tastes salt on her tongue and realises she's crying.

“Oh, Clarke.”

Clarke’s head snaps up to find her mom walking towards her.

She asks the only thing that’s on her mind: “Lexa?”

Her mom envelopes her on a bone crushing hug.

“She’s going to be OK,” her mother says.

Oh, God. Clarke heart finally starts beating. She grips her mom like a lifeline. Lexa is going to be OK. She’s _going to be OK._

She feels the force of her relief hitting her like a brick and breaks down on her mom’s arms. Sobs wracking over her whole body.

“Shh,” her mother says, “I know baby. She’s going to be OK.”

Clarke can’t stop crying long enough to breathe. “Mom,” she sobs against her mom's shoulder, “I thought she - there was so much blood. I thought -”

Her mom tightens her arms around her even more. “I know baby, I know.”

Her mom kisses Clarke’s forehead. “She’s going to be alright.”

*** * ***

She manages to force her mother to take her to Lexa, even if she needs to help Clarke walk there, the sedative in her blood still making her dizzy and weak.

Lexa is sleeping in one of the medbay beds. She looks pale and fragile, a bandage tightly wrapped around her torso. She’s breathing. She’s pale and small and unconscious but she’s breathing.

“She’s sedated,” Her mother says, “be careful with her stitches, but you can join her. Your scent should help her sleep better.”

Clarke nods, making her way slowly to Lexa’s side.

Clarke climbs on the bed carefully, barely daring to touch Lexa’s prone body. Lexa looks so young and so fragile in the bed without any armor or warpaint on Clarke is half afraid the barest touch might break her.

She settles beside her and rests her head against Lexa’s shoulder.

She hears the beating of Lexa’s heart against her ear and feels the warmth of her body against her. Her familiar scent fills her nose and it’s feels like coming home.

She’s going to be OK. They’re going to be OK.

*

She realizes she’s fallen asleep when a groan from Lexa wakes her up.

Lexa tries to move and grunts in pain. Clarke sits up on the bed immediately, placing a hand on Lexa’s arm to keep her from moving.

“Hey,” Clarke says, “stay still. You’re OK.”

Lexa looks at her, groggy and disoriented. “Clarke?”

Clarke’s eyes well up with tears. “Never,” she says, choking back a sob. “Never do that again.”

Lexa moves a hand to grab Clarke’s. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

Clarke shakes her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. She settles back down, resting her head against Lexa’s shoulder.

Lexa tries to move her right arm and groans.

“Stop that,” Clarke says, “don’t try to move. You'll tear your stitches.”

“Clarke,” Lexa begins, but Clarke doesn’t let her finish.

“Lexa,” Clarke interrupts, “not now. Rest, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Will you?” Lexa asks.

Clarke couldn’t stand to be anywhere else but all she says is: “Yes, Lexa. Go back to sleep.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, sorry about the massive delay and a million, million thank yous to all of you who reached out to me on tumblr, i'm sad about the delay but happy it won me a few new friends :)
> 
> if you have a minute, please let me know what you think. i hope it was worth the wait.


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